Official Diary | Naked

I originally thought that the party with my friend N and others this week would not be possible. Fortunately, the COVID rapid screening test kit was still available until the morning of the party. I originally thought that this party would be the last party before going abroad, but I still made an appointment with other friends. Meet.

These farewells did not seem to be as sentimental as imagined, but the premise of not being sentimental is probably because they believe that each other will meet again; or they are not worried that they will not be able to maintain their emotions because they cannot meet each other, and the relationship will naturally take its course.

That night, after tasting N's dishes with satisfaction, the three of us chatted about our observations of places in the past few years, with humor and sarcasm; and we all know that the so-called "observations of places" go even deeper. , it was with a dull pain that another friend of the same age and I mourned "Hot Blood".

However, before mourning the hot blood, I thought about whether the reason why the hot blood exists and why it is painted in dazzling bright red is just the fantasy of a young man who is too complacent about the countryside. And this kind of "ideal" pieced together by feeling good about oneself, as it goes on, the end is not a spiritual enlightenment-style hippie sanctuary, but just a group of people who have opened a new secret, disgusting place where angry waste is dumped. Illegal landfill.

Maybe the previous description is too harsh. After all, how unfair it is to someone who has been squatting in a local place for ten years. Maybe, they were once me, but they have the ability to close their eyes, step on mountains of swords and seas of fire, and cross Yin and Yang; but I can't.

The skin of a body with hot blood flowing through it will break when worn to the end.

When I told my high school friend Z about this incident, she said: "Maybe it's not that (the hot blood) disappeared, it's just that it was temporarily hidden."

There's a metaphor I really like that I learned about trees.

When a tree is injured, it is not like the human body's healing mechanism. Instead, the wound is slowly covered by new structures that grow layer by layer. If you are lucky, these structures will be able to effectively block further invasion and infection of germs. Otherwise, the wound will be covered. We can only let it slowly expand and decay in the body, and one day it will collapse and die. No matter what, the wounds don't go away, they're still there.

This is why I named the identity here "Naked".

Naked, naked, easily associated with sex or taboo.

Born naked is an attempt to resist sexualized/objectified nudity.

Naked, if you imagine "I" as a woody plant, it implies that there is a wound in my body that cannot be healed.

They don't heal. They just conceal.

However, although wounds can become infected and inflamed, I think being closer to the truth is always a good thing, even a necessary evil. The consequences here belong solely to me. Good medicine must taste bitter.

Being young once made me feel invincible; what I mean here does not mean that I show arrogance when interacting with others, but it is closer to impatiently trying to force myself into a position without understanding the context, and at the same time I think this is something that benefits everyone.

During the period when I settled in my hometown, I slowly saw that there were layers of plastic wrap between me and my hometown. At the moment when I was about to turn five years old, through conversations with my friends, I tried to tear off the plastic wrap for the last time. Me, said:

"I don't want to get any closer. Although I want to understand more of her true appearance, at the moment, I just need to be here first."

There is still a sense of freshness, but I can no longer bear the surprise that comes with it.

To this day, I am still not sure whether that state is "being" excluded, or whether I choose to exclude it.

Perhaps these confusions require more time and distance to answer.

Well, in the end I bought an e-book reader (laughs) and bought twelve books first. I suddenly felt so rich; now I no longer have to worry about which (how many) books should I put in my backpack? .

Of these twelve books, five are already on the to-read list, and the others are selected based on the author and publisher; publishers such as Spring Mountain Publishing or Guerrilla Culture .

The book list is as follows:

1. Virginia Woolf " A Room of One's Own "
2. Virginia Woolf " Orlando "
3. Chen Sihong " The Good Man Upstairs "
4. 홍칼리 " Red Line: My Sex Record "
5. Fang Huizhen " Strawberries and Ashes "
6. " How Chrysanthemums March at Night " by Zhong Yongfeng
7. Wu Xiaole " Fatal Login "
8. Hannah Arendt " Between Past and Future: Eight Exercises in Political Thinking "
9. Susan Blackmore " Memes: The Collusion of Genes and Memes in the Evolution of the Human Mind and Culture "
10. Henry David Thoreau " Lakeside Essays "
11. Andrew Solomon The Noonday Demon: A Comprehensive Picture of Melancholy
12. Huang Chongkai's " Literary Spring and Autumn "

When reading "The Good Man Upstairs" by Chen Sihong, he quoted this passage from Hemingway's "The Sun Also Rises":

 Listen, Robert, 
Going to another country doesn't make any difference. 
I've tried all that. 
You can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another. There's nothing to that.

I think it suits my mood at the moment.