some time, some space

That day, I saw Xiao Qiu, who was six years old, very unhappy. He angrily yelled at a Sergu staff, "Go on you!" and pushed him away. I don't know what's going on, but I instinctively walk over to ask him what's wrong. Xiaoqiu refused me before I could speak: "Don't come here! You go!" I still didn't give up: "Is there anything I can help you with? If you need it, you can find me." He said decisively: " No need! Let's go!" After saying that, he ran away.

I didn't chase him, I just watched him run into the distance, made sure he was safe, and let him go. The environment at that time had a lot of outdoor space, surrounded by flowers and trees. From a distance, I saw Xiaoqiu running to the grass first, picking up the branches and throwing them on the ground. After a while, he ran to sit on the slide.

After about an hour, Xiaoqiu ran back and suddenly looked bright. He came over to see what we were doing. At that time, the employee who was pushed away by Xiaoqiu was studying computer games with other children. Xiaoqiu approached him and sat on his lap as if nothing had happened, chatting and laughing. Xiaoqiu's self-possessed look impressed me very much. I thought to myself, what did he do to calm himself down?

A few times later, when Xiaoqiu was angry, he would run away alone, sometimes picking up branches, sometimes throwing stones, sometimes sitting on the grass, sometimes running in circles, in short, away from the crowd and "disappearing" in nature for a while , and then he will calm down. It turns out that he has his own set of self-regulation methods.

When I was a teacher in the past, if I saw a child being emotional, I would immediately enlighten me. When I first came to Segu, I followed this habit and always wanted to do something to help the children. Once in Segu Court, everyone expressed their opinions. I asked Xiao Qiu some questions with concern, and said, "I asked you these because I want to know more about you." He frowned and said, "Why is the old man To understand me? No need." His response reminded me of the truth of "men are from Mars". At that moment I smiled knowingly and told him, "Okay, if you don't want to be understood, then I won't ask again."

Xiaoqiu made me understand that sometimes, some children do not need personal comfort, nor do they necessarily need the assistance of adults. Xiaoqiu tried crying while holding me when he was sad, but when he was angry, he obviously had different needs. It's also disrespectful when I try to get to know a child in order to "help him" when he says he doesn't need help.

Xiaoqiu has found a way to relieve his anger in Segu. When emotions come suddenly, as long as it doesn't affect others, the child has unlimited time to deal with it, and there is no need to rush back to the classroom. It doesn't matter if they want to vent, let go, face it, let it go, find someone to talk to, or don't want to talk to. They also have plenty of outdoor space to get away from the crowds and plunge into nature without having to stay in their seats. During the whole process, the staff will not criticize the children's emotions, but will only accompany and help with their consent. It turns out that this kind of space is enough for children to have the ability to adjust themselves from within.

Daniel Greenberg, founder of Thur Valley School in the United States, once said: "Everyone has the resources they need to face life, and in Thur Valley School, they are free to explore and use these resources." Every time I read At this point, I am very shocked. I found that when I grew up, what I was looking for was the inner resources to face the challenges of life. Sometimes I wonder, am I really capable of coping with it?

From Xiao Qiu and other Segu children, I have witnessed how they use time and space to discover their inner resources: listen to themselves, adjust themselves, understand their boundaries, and challenge themselves. They trust their abilities more than I do. It was the children of Segu who taught me not to magnify my contribution as an adult in a child's life. Children have powerful potentials within themselves. Maybe they sometimes need our assistance. However, more often, what they need is some respect, some time, and some space.

Originally written in April 2019