Create a relationship that is “inseparable from love”

The employees (boyfriends) who have practiced open relationships for more than three years and are currently in stable relationships range from more than three to more than half a year. What they have in common is that all of these employees (boyfriends) have taken the initiative to express that they feel "so in love that they cannot be separated" ( Everyone says it differently, but the main meaning is similar), and they all make me feel like "the other person can catch me at any time" and "I am also willing to catch the other person at any time."

This is what I want, a relationship with a high degree of security and stability, which may be what many people hope to achieve when running relationships, so I have sorted out three major points: "What have I done?"

1⃣ Fall in love with the “right person”; we all know that loving the wrong person is the beginning of a series of negative experiences, but we must also know that “loving the right person” is actually not that difficult~

🔹Understand the rules of the game in the mate selection market:
People are very realistic when choosing a partner, because our expectations for love are to "get better", so we will naturally choose "good" ones.
Although "good" varies from person to person, it won't really deviate too much from the mainstream framework. In other words, the more "good" you have in the mainstream framework, the higher your choice will be.

🔹The bigger the pool, the more opportunities:
As mentioned earlier, the “better” the more choices there are, but it’s all in vain if you don’t have the chance to meet new people.
Therefore, through various physical activities and online communities, you can develop different social circles to increase your chances of getting to know new people, and then you will have the opportunity to make choices.
Going one step further, by getting to know different people, you can understand your own needs and then quickly screen and find the right person.

🔹Severance of relationship:
If you meet someone who is unwilling to discuss relationship consensus together, it is recommended not to delay or wait for him to change his mind. This is not his problem, nor your problem. It is just that the time of meeting was not good enough for both of you to want the same thing.

2⃣Love very hard: From the day the relationship begins, both positive and negative are major life events worth facing seriously, rather than "definitely being together", "being together for a long time" or "both getting married and having children". Agreement, I feel that the relationship is natural.

🔹Mutual consensus and negotiation:
Active communication in the early stages of a relationship is hard work, but it is also a way to quickly build mutual trust and can significantly reduce the insecurity in the relationship.
The content of communication covers everything from how to squeeze out toothpaste to how to sign a consent form to give up first aid. The discussion of respective boundaries is particularly important. In addition to not easily stepping into each other's minefields, they can better understand each other.

🔹Facing negative emotions:
It is normal to have negative emotions. Cats and dogs all have unhappy moments. It is unreasonable to ask a person to always be positive in a relationship!
Negative emotions do not need to be "handled" or "avoided". Instead, you need to slowly find a way to accompany yourself or the other party through the negative emotions. For example, my employees (boyfriends) and I have SOPs even when we quarrel. This is After accompanying each other through negative emotions many times, we concluded that "we both think it's a good way to accompany each other."

🔹Express positive feedback:
Giving that makes people feel is giving. It is difficult for us to determine whether what we think is good is what the other person thinks is good. Therefore, if you feel "good", you should actively express it and let the other party know. This will not only help the other party to use you more in the future. Treating you the way you like will also make the relationship have a higher degree of trust and security because of "telling everything"!

3⃣ Each other changes at about the same speed: People all have the desire to "progress", so the best way to keep the relationship hot is to "progress". This progress may not necessarily mean becoming rich or beautiful, but the speed at which everyone in the relationship changes. It’s almost like this. This way, you will have the feeling of “getting better together”. People are very realistic and naturally don’t want to leave an environment that can “continue to get better”.

🔹The proportion of careful moments does not need to be high:
It is naturally sweet and romantic to have quality moments in a relationship, but if every time we get together there is quality time, it is not only unrealistic, but also easy to fall into the dilemma of "finding nothing to share".
Although getting along with each other in a daily life is relatively simple, it can make each other feel more at ease because it is close to the actual situation~

🔹Specialized to your own interests and majors:
Keeping your own independent interests and majors will not only increase your own room for improvement, but also gain insights for each other through communication, so that each other can gain knowledge from different aspects and achieve "becoming better together".

🔹An increasingly clear personal style:
I think the so-called "mature adult" is not only "I want it all", but also "knowing what is going on with myself", "understanding what I want" and "how I want myself to be", and these What emerges is a clear personal style. Having a personal style is a kind of charm, which will naturally make your lover love you harder and harder to leave you~ (It may also add new competitors for the other party!?)

　　
No one is born a master in love, and they need continuous practice. If you notice any strange things, you need to face up to "this may not be what you want." If you have a partner, discuss it with the other person and reach a consensus. If you haven't confirmed the relationship or found a partner yet, , maybe it’s time to give up, maybe it’s time to expand the pool.

In short, on the road of love, I believe that if you work hard, you can find a relationship that makes you warm and solid.

Random thoughts at the end of the article:
🔸Third mom likes and makes good use of workplace relationships to compare gender relationships, so she always uses "employees" to refer to "boyfriends" in the article.
🔸The open relationship in this article is the development of an erotic relationship with more than one person (either love or desire or both), and different levels of informed consent are reached depending on the depth of the relationship and mutual consensus (the kind that makes the other person sad) Those who ignore them are bad and scum, and are not within the scope of what is discussed in this article and what Sanma herself recommends!)
🔸An open relationship is not a "better" relationship model. The so-called "best" varies from person to person. What is more important is to make the relationship a way that makes you more comfortable and comfortable, rather than being trapped in a certain formula. Own. #customize your own love 🔸To talk about more relationship customization, please contact Sanma IG: https://www.instagram.com/samatsai/