低地國｜What I hear is in harsh conflict with what I see

I attended the three-day Rewire Festival last weekend. I originally bought the three-day ticket to listen to Godspeed You! Black Emperor live, but because of this, I followed the trend and went to listen to the performance of Patti Smith and Soundwalk Collective .

You will know Godspeed on March 7 last year. When I was listening to songs and writing, because the album had finished playing, the algorithm started feeding me other music. That day, it was a song from the album " Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven " that caught my attention. I couldn't help but stop the conversation with Naked in my head, put on my headphones, clicked on the album homepage, and started reading from The first one starts playing.

In fact, my memory has obviously declined. "Remembering" March 7th is just an assumption based on the online footprints I left. Last year, when I added the first three songs of this album to my favorite playlist, the date shown on the page was exactly March 7, and " Wei Shuang 02 | Winter and Spring Socialization " was also written on March 7. of.

In that article, Naked wrote:

No one likes serious topics, such as extreme climate, war, or sexual violence.

When I mentioned the farewell to my Polish friend L to my counselor last month, she said—perhaps trying to comfort me—that even though she is a professionally trained counselor, when dealing with sexual trauma survivors in front of her, she never The weight of every word that comes out of his/her mouth is an extreme test of the listener's ability to live with discomfort; or, can I say that? What this incident tests is, when a person is faced with concrete pain, how can he continue to stare at it without looking away?

However, I didn't feel there was anything inappropriate about looking away.

We have to take care of our own inner state first before we can try to catch others.

On the evening of the Godspeed performance, because I was worried about not being able to squeeze into the performance venue, I took the croissants and cheese bread I bought from a nearby chain supermarket two hours before the gate opened, squatted on the steps next to the gate, and ate until I stopped eating. Well, there was only one man with an Asian face in front of me. Forgetting to catch some frivolous conversation in the team from the air, I simply replied and joined in the chatter of the three men next to me.

"Did you line up early because of some band? I did it because of Godspeed."

"Me too." The Asian-faced man with curly hair and beard replied.

"Of course I'm here for Godspeed." The other two were middle-aged white men from Frankfurt and Barcelona. "We took advantage of our business trip and stopped by to watch the performance."

This kind of boring and superficial small talk will always be dragged further by me when it's my turn to speak; those words without thinking flow out of my mouth like a sunny day. In the afternoon, the sun suddenly rained down.

"Since I arrived in the Low Countries, too many people have asked me if I want to stay here. Maybe half a year ago I would still have hesitated about this question, but now I find that this place is not what I thought. Liberal, every place has its own problems; when I talk to people, I see their disappointment, and at the same time I feel the power of wanting to shake something in a few people. This process makes me think My own country, Taiwan, also reminds me of my past self.”

"This is probably why I like Godspeed." I realized that I had accidentally revealed too much of my innermost thoughts to a stranger.

"Yes, I hope tonight's performance will not open a black hole in the scene."

"Well, I hope so." The conversation was silent for a few seconds. Maybe someone was thinking about how to pick up a new topic? One of them lit a cigarette and politely asked the other two. The black hole in my heart quietly opened and closed again.

A few hours later, at another band’s performance, I met the Asian-faced man with curly hair and a beard. Due to equipment issues, the performance was delayed. In that crowded venue, the man and I had no choice but to start a conversation.

"When I first heard Godspeed's music last year, I only felt pain. But the performance just now, strangely enough, besides the pain, I felt very peaceful at the same time." As I uttered these words, the performance also came to mind. During the process, the background curtain flickered, like the word "Hope" about to extinguish the candle; the scene of birds flying by was superimposed on the scene of the plane being shot down; the figure running in pain, in contrast, was holding a stick. A ferocious face.

"So you are a Music Nerd?"

"No, I know very little about music. I don't even know who Patti Smith is."

"I'm from Iran, and this kind of music is banned in Iran. When I was 15 years old, I started listening to a lot of underground music, a lot of which was actually pirated music. I moved to Germany a few years ago and now I'm a software engineer. "

"But Iran also had freedom, right? A few months ago, I watched a documentary about Iranian feminism. The director briefly introduced the Iranian feminist movement before the documentary was broadcast."

"Yes, but I was not born in that era of freedom . But when I was living in Iran, I did take to the streets."

"So is this why we can feel pleasurable pain in Godspeed's music?" I couldn't help laughing.

"Yes, but right now we only have pain, no pleasure. Do you want a beer?" I nodded. It was already more than thirty minutes late from the scheduled performance time, and the people waiting started to make noises of varying sizes out of irritation.

Although it was still spring when I needed to wear a warm coat, in the crowded crowd that night, the bodies around me hugged each other from time to time. I, who was originally wearing a sleeveless top, suddenly didn’t feel cold anymore, and even felt a little warm. The blond boy standing on my right gently tapped my shoulder, "Sorry, my body keeps leaning towards you, I'm a little high." A hazy smile slowly spread on the boy's face.

The following audio file was recorded from a short talk by Patti Smith and Soundwalk Collective. Among them, this answer was asked by an audience member about Patti Smith’s changes since her first public performance in 1971 until now. Because that day was Easter Sunday, in addition to answering this question, she also mentioned the thoughts that went into conceiving the performance that day. In the process, she also tried to reconcile the performance with the meaning of Easter.

(The following verbatim transcript was generated via www.veed.io )

[00:31] I've evolved as a human being. But my method of channeling, which has its sort of like crude shamanistic aspects, hasn't really changed. It's just evolved.

[00:48] I started in 1971, that's a long time ago. But all of the experience that I've had since then doing the same thing, whether it's rock and roll or singing or chanting or reading poetry. Everything I've ever known which has found a home in what we do. Because it has enabled me. There's no boundaries.

[01:19] Our work can be as complex, as spiritual, as gritty, as blasphemous, and then humble. Many, many, many... All the aspects of the human character, all the things that I've experienced in life.

[01:36] Even I have to say today, performing on Easter Sunday, I had to really think about this because some of the work that we do is very hardcore. So how do we reconcile that on Easter? Performing some beautiful.. . some things from the point of view of a Mother, Mother Nature, but also some very pretty dark things . Because in this period of time, these sacred days, Easter is the result of violence, betrayal, the piercing of a side, crucifixion and then love, resurrection, hope. All of these things. It's not about a little basket of Easter eggs or everybody being happy. It's about suffering. It's about sacrifice and then joy and hope.

[02:50] So all of those things, hopefully is found in the work. And all of those things were things that I pursued as a young girl in my 20s. And now that I'm 76, I'm still pursuing. I'm still working. I'm still working with the same even more energy and fervor because I have the interest of the people and collaborators who I learn and can experience anything, all kinds of things mentally and spiritually with.

I am still unfamiliar with Patti Smith's works. To me, she was just an ordinary old lady with long silver hair, a plaid shirt, and loose jeans who was sitting in the solemn church sharing her creative experience that day. However, After the short conversation that afternoon, I was inexplicably fascinated by this audio file, maybe because it exactly echoed my feelings when listening to Godspeed live; maybe because she said that even though she was seventy-six years old, , but she is still pursuing what her twenty-year-old self was pursuing. And these words, like a pair of invisible hands, gently soothed my anxiety and uneasiness.

Finally, I would like to use the words on Norient ’s brochure to remind myself.

What I hear is in harsh conflict with what I see.

I will continue to have inner conflicts due to inconsistencies in what I see and hear externally, but don’t forget, don’t be afraid, and continue to have a naked dialogue with myself.