Retirement is a very heavy social topic

https://www.zhihu.com/question/309100326/answer/605917537

My grandma lived to be 94 years old, and my dad took care of her for ten years, sounding filial.

In the first few years, I didn't feel anything, and in the next few years, I couldn't stand it anymore.

First of all, my dad is a person who loves to travel, but he only went out once or twice in ten years, because he had to arrange for someone to take care of his grandma when he went out. Occasionally I feel guilty when I go out, and I don't play well. My dad is taciturn. He finishes the housework every day, cleans up grandma neatly, and watches anti-Japanese dramas in front of the computer. After grandma left, he was almost 70 years old, and he couldn't go to many places.

Besides, my mother is not used to living with my dad at my grandma's house, and I don't trust my dad, so she rides back and forth every day until it snows and falls, and she starts to live there. And then complain more or less because life is not used to it.

In the end, I said that my grandmother has bad legs, can't go downstairs, and is fat. In the end, she rarely goes out, and likes to sit by the window and watch the street scene. Few people came to see her. My dad waited for her to go to the computer after dinner, and she watched TV by herself. When I went back, I chatted and watched TV with her, and she said that I was the only one who would like to sit and talk with her for a while. On her birthdays and holidays, my aunt and grandchildren would go back to eat and play cards, but my grandma still watched TV by herself. A few years later, when she couldn't read TV, she just sat there and napped. My dad doesn't like to talk. My grandma calls him when she wakes up if she has something to do, and he goes to see her.

In the last few years, my grandmother lived as a plant. My dad is a flying bird tied to a plant. Grandma's house became a prison. My mom can't stand it whether she's in a cage or not. Other relatives, hehe.

As for me, I go home twice a year. If I thought I was here before, I could accompany my grandmother, my dad could breathe a sigh of relief, and my mother would stay at my grandmother's house for me. After I left, however, everything went back to normal. That sense of powerlessness that is hard to change makes me less and less wanting to go back and face reality.

The responsibilities that my father cannot shirk, the entanglement that my mother cannot take care of, the loneliness that my grandma knows no one knows about, and the loneliness that I have no choice but to escape, make everyone's life full of moral kidnapping, cold violence, and deep guilt and self-blame.

Then grandma left, and we all breathed a sigh of relief. My grandma's house was sold, the money was shared with relatives, my father went out to play a few times, and my mother finally moved back to my house with my father, and I didn't have to stay at home all the time during the holidays.

But the last ten years of my grandmother's life deeply affected me. I don't want to get married and have kids, and I don't want to live long. Because I have seen the end of my life, I will lose sleep when I think about my parents' retirement. I'm an only child, no one to share with me, I hope I'm strong enough to take care of myself and my parents for the rest of my life.

--- The above is the original answer.

I don't know if I should be happy when I see the resonance that resonates with everyone... Anyway, thank you for your understanding, I read all the comments, and I cried a few times, just the kind of warm tears that I am not alone.

I'm sorry I can't answer all of them, but I respect everyone's opinion, because on some level you're all right, based on this part of my life that I candid about.

Real life is intertwined and inexhaustible.

In fact, the most difficult thing for me to face in ten years is the numb loneliness in my grandma's last days.

I can't force my father to communicate with my grandma, nor can I ask my mother to make grandma happy, nor am I qualified to let my aunts and their children and grandchildren return to my grandma's house more often. Because I only go home twice a year. Although I stayed at my grandmother's house every time I came home, I gradually became unwilling to stay with my grandmother all the time, and would sneak out to play whenever I could.

On grandma's birthday, the whole family came back to sing the birthday song. Grandma was wearing a red sweater and wearing the golden crown that came with the birthday cake, with a blank expression on her face. Afterwards, everyone ate and played cards. The children ran around. Grandma sat alone in the living room watching TV and fell asleep again. On that day, everyone said that she had everything, but in my opinion, she had nothing; and grandma herself had no joys or sorrows, as if she didn't care about the difference between this day and every day in the dark.

In ten years, grandma has slowly changed from a decent and strong old man to such a sad plant, and everyone in the family is to blame, including grandma herself. But everyone has reasons that people can't bear to blame, all kinds of reasons that people can fully understand.

At least in my family, it's not something that can be solved with a care worker, a social worker, or a nursing home. Money might solve it, it might not, and it might bring more problems.

Don't want to write anymore, sorry for making the atmosphere heavy and sad.

In fact, there are some nursing home experience, not to mention.

In the end, I wholeheartedly support euthanasia.

In the last period of my life, I don't want to be at the mercy of others and have no idea, I don't want to be careless and make a living, I don't want to hurt and I don't want to be hurt, I don't want to be loved and I don't want to pretend to be loved, I just want to be at peace in loneliness, Freedom in loneliness, until the end, when I parted peacefully with the world, I could still retain some of the most basic dignity and dignity of being a human being.

———

Thanks to netizens Li Ming and Er Bujue in the comments. They let me discover:

Although the "prohibition of reprinting" has been placed, it was still transferred.

Without my permission and without attribution.

very disgusting.

I'm not telling the story of my family for your commercial use.

Taking it without anyone's permission is stealing. My grandma taught me.

Address reprinted by Toutiao: https://www.toutiao.com/ugc/share/wap/thread/1627100605507597/?app=&iid=65298852152&target_app=13

This post has been there until now (10:33am 2019/03/06) with over 5000 comments, over 9400 likes, and has been retweeted over 800 times.

Request removal and apology.

I left a message and reported it, and insisted on defending my rights.

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Thanks to the netizen Han Shuai in the comments for telling me to use Zhihu to protect my rights, I have already written an email to them, thank you.

When taking screenshots of evidence, I looked at the comments on Toutiao, and I was very, very sad.

In the more than 5,000 comments over there, many people misunderstood what I meant, thinking that I was trying to euthanize my grandmother, and they scolded it very badly. Some people are scolding my parents and my mother, and they are scolding our family. Because of misunderstanding, the words are mean.

There are so many, I can't reply to each one to explain, and I can't edit the article to explain. Can only watch.



I didn't write much about my family's situation, because the pension arrangement at that time was the only arrangement that could be accepted by everyone considering all aspects of each family member's abilities. Some people have sick people at home, some people have to take care of their grandchildren, some people live far away, all kinds of situations. Do your best, do your best.

But what everyone is trying their best to care about can only be the health of grandma. mental health? "If you have food, drink, and someone to serve you, enjoy yourself!"

Maybe I'm the only one who doesn't think grandma's last days are happy.

I especially hope that my grandmother is just gloomy and empty, and secretly feels that she is very happy in her heart.

But anyway, I don't want to enjoy this kind of blessing.

Heart pain is also pain.

Euthanasia is for people who cannot bear the pain.

I want to be euthanized when I am not me anymore.

I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, I hope this time I wrote it clearly.



Zhihu also has such comments.

But I still respect everyone's thoughts and feelings, truth is the most important. What's more, I can explain it on Zhihu.

Finally, thank you for helping to report in Toutiao, Zhizhizhi, Qianyetan, Robert Z, and chestnut seeds. I will keep updating and defending the rights to the end.

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20190307

Thanks again to Lao Tang, Qiu Qiuqiu and other unnamed friends who helped to report.

Now click on the headline link, it says "Content is under review", thank you very much for your help!

20190308

Thanks again to the netizens who reminded and helped me defend my rights, the content of the headlines has been deleted. :)

No apology.