break the circle

Just like the title of the book, the author wants to tell everyone to break the original circle, existing experience and experience, and break through the limitations of cognition through "thorough thinking" and "continuous practice", so as to achieve a better self.

Blog to position him as a book on spiritual growth, but I think he is more like a reference book, providing many examples and solutions.

The book says that we are often influenced by our emotional body and our past experiences, especially our childhood experiences. Many people deal with things by the rule of thumb. Once the experience has a bad result, people often dare not try again. But sometimes the bad results are not caused by the wrong way of use, but may also be affected by the people and things at the moment. And when something goes wrong, people are afraid of making a mistake and holding back. Or, when I was a child, I longed to be affirmed but failed. When I grew up, I fell into this whirlpool of memories. Even though I have achieved success in my work, I still have no self-confidence.
Childhood experiences lead to the emergence of life scripts. Life script refers to the tendency to make premature definitions and plans for one's life based on one's understanding of the world as a child. When you grow up with bad experiences, you may often have negative hints or predictions about the future, such as feeling that you will fail, that you are pitiful, and so on. The scary thing is that in life you'll keep looking for poor, poor signs of yourself to validate your prophecy, and that prophecy will deepen your fear of trying again. Therefore, another advantage of sorting out your own memories is to rewrite the script of your life and break the predestined fate.
In this regard, the author proposes that you can use the method of writing a diary to record your own changes and the thinking and reasons when making decisions. Consciously pay attention to your own deviations, develop the habit of reflection and record your changes, which can make the changes last longer, and also bring yourself back to the present, no longer bound by past emotions and experiences. Recording has the added benefit of identifying repetitive thought patterns or blind spots, improving self-awareness, and turning unconscious behavior into conscious self-direction.

In the book, the author hopes that everyone should remember to express their emotional feelings when communicating with others, improve empathy, let the other party feel your empathy, and reduce the barriers to subsequent communication. The examples mentioned in the book made me feel very concerned. He said that many people who tend to think rationally may have a habit, that is, the first reaction when encountering a problem is to explain things clearly, and feel that only by explaining clearly can they be solved question. This habit is feasible when the other party has no emotions, but when the other party has emotions, it may only make the other party more irritable and feel incomprehensible. Therefore, this kind of person should practice restraining the urge to explain and expressing their own feelings when they feel that the other party has emotions.
I feel like I've been knocked off the back of my head reading this. As someone who is always TJ in MBTI, logic and analysis are very important, so when family and friends complain to me about things, I often only think about how to solve each other's problems and propose solutions, but forget about it. The other party may just want to spit and ask for comfort, and only I can analyze it on my own. Perhaps before giving my opinion, I should focus on the emotional side and ease the other person's emotions.

Values are the hidden factors behind our decision-making mechanisms. Many times we make a decision by listing various factors, and it is our values that really give weight to each decision factor. Values will affect your outlook on life and work, and values will continue to change. For example, 20-year-olds will put fun ahead of making money; 40-year-olds will want stability rather than growth. I have been in the habit of recording my values for the past two years. I will list my top 10 values. Whenever life or work is not going well, I will check if there is something in my life that contradicts my values. For example, before resigning this time, I seriously reviewed the fit of this job with my values. Found out that they overlap very little, no wonder I'm so unhappy doing it.
However, the discovery of values can be explored from the emotional body. Emotions reveal what we care about and where our fears, worries, and anxiety come from. Through the analysis of emotions to understand their own values.

In addition to values, another important point is the "sense of value". If the sense of self-worth is stable, it is less likely to cause emotions due to external situations, and it can maintain a stable state of value.
The author mentioned that the inner sense of value is like a reservoir. The reservoir has the function of storing water. It needs constant injection of water, and it also releases water when needed. The so-called water release means that when the external environment hits you, you need to resist with the firm sense of self-worth that you have stored before. Therefore, it is usually necessary to consciously inject more water as a reserve. Try to keep your sense of self-worth strong enough to withstand a sudden blow.
This time, I clearly felt the importance of water storage. When I resigned, my reservoir was almost dry to the bottom, but after the interview began, the compliments and offers from major supervisors all helped me to store water. But from another angle, I think that my water source is too little, which is actually very dangerous, and my psychological quality is easy to be low. I should think about where I can go to find water.

Finally, I would like to share the author's interpretation of uniqueness. I think it is very good to share with you: life has many aspects. When you always compare the same aspect, you and others are the same; when you learn to compare different aspects, you Unlike everyone. As a whole, everyone is unique, and if you only look at one place, everyone is similar.