Book Review•Pingshu｜The "pain" of the Spring Festival will not hurt: Choose people & things that care about worth

Thanks to @颖欣 for allowing me to see this "Nth Year in Her Hometown" article, and I started to feel a little bit tangled, should I write it, and if I did, would the content I wrote make people feel uncomfortable, However, the result after thinking about it is that what I want is Truth, Language of Truth . The truth to myself is the truth to anyone who reads my words. If I write words that please others and betray my heart, then Not me anymore. So, I'm going to write, to really write.

Before answering this questionnaire, I would like to mention a book, which may be familiar to everyone - " The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fxck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life " by Mark Manson.

If this book is condensed and condensed again, it will be 👇 this still photo,

That's right, it is "Not Giving a Fxck" that Mark said so earnestly . In the book, Mark analyzes what kind of people and things should/deserve our attention and attention in our lifetime, and what kind of people and things Do NOT deserve. .

I have always been resistant to this book, and I have never bought it. I feel that such a title and the content I guess should not be valuable or allow me to benefit a lot from it, until I accidentally picked it up in the old bookcase where the book is exchanged for free. After reading this book, I found that I couldn't stop reading it. The author Mark uses concise but to-the-point language and logically analyzes the origin of many pains in life, as well as our unhappiness caused by constant consumption and narcissistic culture in modern society.

Therefore, I would like to use the viewpoints of this book (of course most of which I agree with) to answer the questionnaire from her hometown. It is still during the Spring Festival, and it is still my Spring Festival mood.

1. Is this the first year you haven't been home for the New Year?
   
   It should be more than ten years, a long, long time ago. Here, "going home for the New Year" is the focus of the question, and of course it is the default. You have to go home for the New Year, just like Christmas, and it is best to reunite with your family. But how do you define "home"? Is "home" the place you desperately wanted to escape from before you got married? Or is it a "home" chosen by oneself, reorganized, and full of love? Can a home be called home if it doesn't have love? (Here, the default home must be full of love.) If a person escapes from this loveless home, does he/she become homeless? Seems a bit convoluted, but here are some of my questions. If a home is devoid of love, but full of violence, coercion, emotional blackmail, instigation, and deception, all of which are defined as "different forms of love", where will we go back home for the New Year?
2. What do you miss most about Chinese New Year at home?
   
   I especially miss the years when I was a child before the wave of layoffs in state-owned factories. There were Yangko teams, walking on stilts, etc., which were beautiful, red and green. There are also rare times when you can meet dragon and lion dancers, so you need to work hard. I am happy to wear new clothes and eat dumplings, and I miss hearing the rumble of cannons outside the window at zero o’clock.
   
3. Over the years outside, who have you spent the Spring Festival with? How are you doing?
   
   I lived alone, and spent more time with my loved ones, I am very happy❤️
   
   
4. Do you have any rituals to recall the "New Year's Taste"? Will there be a new New Year's ceremony?
   
   This year, because of the door gods and couplets sent by@Meforzoe, I also posted couplets and door gods. I think it is a good way and can be continued. For northerners, the taste of the new year is making dumplings. This year I made more than 80 dumplings by myself 🥟 very happy☺️
5. What does "year" mean to you now? Do you like/care about Chinese New Year?
   
   This is a festival that I like and pay more attention to. You can make dumplings and it takes a long time, so be happy. It can be regarded as a relatively close connection with the culture I grew up with. I can care or not care about the Spring Festival. I also spent a Spring Festival in a hospital bed, and the Spring Festival will pass no matter what. Instead of spending time thinking about the Spring Festival and reunion that only exist in my fantasy, it is better to focus on the people who love me around me and my small family, and warm the worthy people with love. Many times we ignore the love of those around us, just blindly struggle with the values instilled in our brains when we were growing up, and even drag those around us who really care about us into the quagmire in order to satisfy our parents who can never be satisfied. wrong! There are many simple pleasures in the world, which are mentioned in the book "Fxck", and the record is as follows: " life's basic experiences: the pleasures of simple friendship, creating something, helping a person in need, reading a good book, laughing with someone you care about ". There are really people in the world who cannot experience the above 👆happiness.
6. What does the village mean to you?
   
   I miss my hometown very much. I can close my eyes and reproduce every place name, every street, and every puddle of water after it rains in my mind. Maybe I'll never set foot in that place again, but everything there will always have a place in me until my brain dies. Gradually I decided to record the places, events, groups of people, maybe this is the meaning, the meaning I endowed.
7. How does your family think about you not going home for the New Year and your life outside?
   
   I don't care what my family thinks about me not going home for the New Year and my life outside😂. Maybe I can try to make my family think I'm awesome by going home every year for Chinese New Year; but the truth is, I can't change how others see my life, regardless of how I do it. I used to care too much about my family, maybe the Chinese-speaking God read it when I put the note in the Wailing Wall, which broke my fate. It took me a long time to understand that my family just didn't love me. This was a change of value, and it was a painful experience. In Mark's words, "Many of the relationships in your life were built around the values you've been keeping, so the momoent you change those values .... your turnaround will reverberate out through your relationships, and many of them will blow up in your face. These are necessary, though painful, side effects of choosing to place your fucks elsewhere, in a place far more important and more worthy of your energies .”
8. Will your relationship with your hometown change when you don’t go home for the New Year? What distance do you think people should have from their hometown?
   
   The distance allows me to see the context of things more clearly. Everyone's healthy distance is different, but you should keep it within the range that you feel comfortable with.
9. What part of the traditional Spring Festival do you dislike the most? If you could make decisions, what adjustments would you make within your family?
   
   I have lived in different cities and know the differences between the north and the south. I think the traditional Spring Festival is also very good. There is nothing I don’t like. But the adjustment to be made must be that if you feel that a certain tradition is based on a foundation that everyone is uncomfortable with, it is best to change it.
10. Bonus question: Do you plan to celebrate the New Year with fellow countrymen/citizens of Matt? Photos are available here!
    
    I haven’t celebrated the Chinese New Year together, but I’m very happy to be able to share the details of the Chinese New Year with @Meforzoe ❤️ and started my own tradition this year, happy🙌

In the workplace, there are Love it, Change it or Leave it . In fact, it is similar to Mark's point of view, and it applies everywhere. Life is short, and nine times out of ten you will be unhappy. How you take responsibility for your life and your pain will determine the emotional response you get. Many people spend most of their lives in a daze without experiencing a life-changing event. At the end of the book "Fxck", Mark said that one of the things that changed his life choices was due to his good friend's Died unexpectedly. This plunged the young man into a deep depression. After he came out, he decided to travel around the world, but in the end it was his inward exploration that made him understand that the true meaning of life is to be an ordinary person, to experience pure love and happiness. It's also possible that many more people experience a series of life-altering events that, taken together, shape and, of course, break a person. I really like Mark’s point of view, that is, there are many people in the world who suffer from childhood misfortune. Whether they are poor or rich, everyone’s suffering is different, but they all exist [see Prince Harry and Meghan for examples, I personally think No one thinks OK, I'm gonna stop talking to my family starting from this morning. No one will want to leave their family, if the family is full of love and support] Therefore, choose your battle, Mark's words are choose your suffering. Choosing your own pain can give you a little sense of control, and you won't be so powerless and helpless. I would rather choose the reality I have, although this reality is full of pain, and I am willing to face it.

The tradition of Chinese New Year has turned the clash in many families into a daily contradiction. If you're an adult who can think for yourself and ask for help, this may be your chance to see truth that you hadn't noticed before. Listen to your inner voice and feelings, and eventually you will find people and things that are truly worthy of your care. They can enrich your life and let you feel love, praise and happiness in this journey of life❤️Wish to feel the pain Everyone feels the pain of their own choice🙏