Experimental life, a month without effort

After the last diary was published, I felt that the whole world was paying attention, but my boyfriend didn't take it seriously. "You just haven't been this bad for a long time, and you're just not used to it."

Me: "You are so indifferent"

He: "I'm not in trouble, understand?"

If you want to be trash, maybe I'm not qualified enough

"What does real trash look like?"

This question popped into me one day after the last diary was published. Maybe it's because someone reminded me, "You still seem to be doing what you're doing right now," and you'll get sick if you keep forcing yourself to do something. It can be seen that in the eyes of others, I still appear to be working hard. Is such a me qualified to be called a waste?

I can't help but imagine that if there was a trash club, I would probably be the first to be kicked out 😂

 "You're too serious, you don't fit here," the club administrator said apologetically. "Stop insulting the trash!" The other members echoed, and this was the only thing they did today. I'm sorry, I'm a disgrace to trash, I'll try not to do anything. "No, even the effort is superfluous," the administrator reprimanded me.

Because this brain supplement is so interesting, I have the idea of living a life like watching (rubbish).

Just do what you want to do, don't think about production, and indulge (?). I can go wherever I want, I can go wherever I want. In short, this month, I am the biggest. I waste my pride - an experimental life concept.

Wasteful work and rest, not so wasteful yourself

This month, leaving social expectations behind me, my daily routine looks like this:

 💤13:00 Wake up after noon — 🍛14:00 Go out for dinner, develop new restaurants — ☕️17:00 Take a walk to the coffee shop/library to read novels and write a diary — 🌳20:00 Walk in the park — 🏠21:30 Go home — 🚶‍♀️23:00 Go downstairs to buy supper — 🍺00:00 Go home and drink beer with Japanese drama — 🛏️2:00 Go to bed

I went to bed slightly drunk every day, and then got out of bed at noon the next day with edema. After a week, my mouth was broken and my back was sore. In another week, the room became super chaotic, and the work and rest were completely reversed day and night, perfectly practicing the natural law of the universe "minimum energy, maximum chaos" 🤣. By the third week, I had gained weight and my wallet had shrunk considerably. It's not easy to be a waste!

In fact, 80% of the things you do at the end of the day are almost the same as last month, but the time is pushed back by 3 to 6 hours on average. Although doing the same activities, my mood is very different. Last month I tried to do something, but I always felt like a waste; this month has been casual and undisciplined, but I am much more cheerful.

I realized that my anxiety didn't come from doing too little or too much, but from not being able to let go of myself when I was "doing nothing."

"If I don't have a job, I should work harder!" This thought made me feel guilty when I woke up late. I couldn't relax when I finished drawing a picture, and I didn't enjoy it that much when watching a movie.

God-given holiday

After the diary was published, it caused a lot of repercussions in the community. I grabbed some keywords from the comments below, one of which was the Japanese drama "Long Vacation".

"There are times when people are not smooth or tired. At those times, I regard it as a vacation given to us by God. There is no need to force a sprint, no need to be nervous, no need to work hard to refuel, everything will take its course and it will get better."

This is what the hero Sena said to the heroine Nan. Nan's fiancé ran away on the day of the wedding ceremony. At the age of 31, she was unsatisfactory in her relationship and career. Although it is a TV series from more than 20 years ago, it is not conventional. Some plots (Nan's younger brother flirted with other women in front of his girlfriend, and even ran away with her) I think it is very avant-garde, and it is worthy of being a classic. classic! I cherish an episode every night, watching the protagonists who have the same confusion and life questions as myself, and feel that I have been healed.

"It's okay! It's normal for me to be flustered when I have no homework during the winter vacation for the first time. It's like I've put it a few more times and it's old fritters," said W, an experienced job seeker.

"What does it have to do with staying up late to watch dramas and turning day and night upside down? When you think, 'Okay, you're satisfied!', you will naturally adjust yourself. It's like losing weight. Isn't there such an example? Trying to tell yourself not to eat, a certain When the sane line was broken, I ate it again, and in the end I regained weight and even got fatter than before." W was not worried about my decadence at all, but suggested that I continue to indulge for a while, not ignoring my physical and psychological needs.

Perhaps because of the same path, W's opinions are very pragmatic. Looking at the loss in life indifferently, the mentality of no big deal can stabilize my heart.

Just like the protagonists in the Japanese drama "Long Vacation" more than 20 years ago, these confusions, anxiety, struggles and pains are common experiences of everyone's life and are a normal life process. So don't panic! Live seriously! If you don't pay attention, you may lose the opportunity to feel the good things around you, and the present moment will be wasted.

Based on the suggestions and encouragement of others and my own ideas, I wrote the above paragraph to remind myself.

In the second month of business closure, I took a short trip to the south to find some goals, and I also started to prepare longer-term plans. It seems that I can start enjoying my vacation.

Supplement: The last diary has caused a lot of repercussions in the Facebook community. There are many comments below that are worth reading (thank you again!), and it also affects my next direction to some extent. If you are interested, you can read it as an extension.

Achievement of the month (2019/12)

• Illustration: 8 paintings
• Music: Announcement of the great achievements of the Ukulele Society
• Articles: 2 articles ( the posture of setting up the stall , diary of leaving work: in the first month of leaving, I feel like a waste)
• Read: After reading Kotaro Isaka's "OH! FATHER"
• DIY: Participate in a friend Doraemon dresscode and make a bamboo dragonfly (I'm super strong 🤟)
• Unlock the experience of walking on stilts, you can take five steps (hard to mention 😆)
• Prepare to set up a stall and go to the market in Taichung
• travel south for a week
• Encountered Zhang Xuan and Huang Xiaozhen when exploring a new coffee shop (yes, this is also a kind of achievement 😚)

"Retirement Diary" is a diary that I started serializing after I left my job at the age of 30, one piece per month. Interested can follow : Facebook   ｜ Instagram   ｜ Medium