Discussion Experience｜New Relationship Garden

Rethink who you currently have an intimate relationship with

I really thought about this opening remarks for a while, but I really couldn't think of whether I had an intimate relationship with the object. Does the object have an intimate relationship with himself?"

When the discussion goes to the later stage, the more I find that in order to build a stable long-term intimate relationship, it is necessary not only to be willing to trust each other, but also to be able to moderately reveal vulnerability, and to truly share one's own big and small matters with each other, "communication", "caring" ” and “knowing how to listen” are particularly important.

Since the object of this intimate relationship cannot be "myself", it allows me to re-examine myself, and why I cannot build an intimate relationship with others. From the author's point of view and perspective, it turns out that what I lack most is " the courage to trust others " ”, the reason for not trusting is actually due to not knowing enough, or not wanting to know, of course, it is impossible to establish a strong intimate relationship, and the heart wall is built because of this.

Looking back on my past self, I didn’t quite understand the concept of “drawing the boundaries ”. I often took other people’s affairs as my own, and I expected that I would get a relatively equal return after paying. So I was often in an unequal situation, and gradually I became Let yourself fall into an infinite loop until it accumulates to a certain level, and the relationship will naturally break out due to pressure, imbalance or other uncontrollable factors.

In fact, the end of every relationship is an opportunity to "re-examine the problem." On the road of life, no one has ever taught us how to deal with a broken situation. Only after clarifying the situation and finding out or facing the problem truthfully and objectively can we move on to the next stage.”

I always believe that our acquaintances and emotions are the beauty of one-in-a-billion coincidences

Summarize and extend no one, can let others have, any feeling

From birth, we have continuously established relationships with others, from parents, siblings, and relatives at the beginning, to neighbors, peers, teachers and students, colleagues, supervisors, and customers after entering socialization. In the process, we may also meet later life. The partners in the middle, the difference is only in the closeness and distance.

"Relationship" builds a bridge between each other and makes us affected by all the things around us, but I never thought, "The original feeling is actually given to me", I can choose whether to let these feelings or not continued.

In the process of interacting with others, it is actually showing what kind of person you are, but in fact, this may not be your real self, and what may be revealed to others is just an ideal self, constantly meeting the expectations of others, Gradually become not like the real self, in the process of chasing expectations, there is a sense of gap, and relative power, control, etc. will begin to appear.

〒 The five stages of a relationship

1. Romantic period: full of imagination, lack of experience
2. Power Scramble Period: Chaos
3. Integration period: getting to know each other
4. Commitment Period: Co-investment
5. Co-creation period: full of creativity

I find these five stages very interesting, and can even be applied to any aspect, whether it is for a project cooperation, or a relationship building, or even the presentation of any work, it's all about getting along with another object Reality photo.
So...what factors can stagnate a relationship, or even disengage it?

1. Indifference means that each other has built a heart wall, and they are unwilling to admit to each other, and even want to cover up certain facts and make the relationship numb and closed.
2. Chaoyue wants to regain attention and tries to arm himself with content that the other party does not understand, but in fact it shows more self-righteousness, which seems to be a sign of not accepting the difference between the other party and himself.
3. Separations have a beginning and an end. No one can guarantee how long a relationship will last. Separation occurs when it is no longer possible to return to the same balance with the other party. It is important to give yourself enough time to make this decision because once you turn around There may be no chance to see each other again, so at least do not regret ending this relationship with separation, and in the process of deep thinking, you can also get to know yourself better.

Only after you have a clear understanding of the meaning of your existence can you truly accept yourself, face your anxieties bravely, and get along with others more freely, without being influenced by others, and make a right commitment to life.

Allowing each other to have free choice is the most basic commitment in an intimate relationship. However, we cannot make any promises to others. To be correct, everyone can only promise themselves, because the other side of promises represents limitations. In intimate relationships, if there are limitations, they will also lead to constraints. , displeasure, stress... etc. negative situations occur.

To keep the relationship stable, the only thing you can do is to "promise yourself" . Only by making a clear commitment to yourself will you not let all your thoughts and future possibilities be stifled. What kind of intimate relationship do you want to move towards? , In fact... In the end, you still have to "recognize where you are?", "What are you willing to do?" and "setting boundaries and bottom lines."

Behind every love, there is an intimate relationship, and these relationships are independent and undivided concepts . To make an intimate relationship lasting and close, it depends on "presence" and "resonance", which requires each other's full The devotion of the heart, the complete trust, and the willingness to open up and reveal one's vulnerability, I think perhaps because of this, when faced with separation, it is hard to forget the beauty in it, and it is hard to miss it.

Love is fiery friendship, quiet understanding, mutual trust and mutual enjoyment and mutual forgiveness.
Love is faithfulness that is not affected by time, space, conditions, and circumstances.
Love is about learning from each other's strengths and acknowledging each other's weaknesses. - Ann Ladds

Low-quality socialization is not as good as high-quality alone time

This is the conclusion I came to after participating in several relationship topics, " Only by learning to be alone with yourself can you know how to socialize with others ."

Maybe it’s a bit extreme to say this, but in the process of these discussions and the experience of real life, I found that sometimes “ it’s better to say more than just right ”, and then the purpose of communication can be achieved, otherwise social networking can be achieved. No matter how much, it will not be able to achieve a good interactive relationship.

During the process, we talked about "ask less why, ask more about how to do it" . This concept has benefited me a lot. It is better to use the actual situation to speculate on feasible solutions.

I still agree that it is necessary to ask " why ". Only by finding out the essence of the problem can we allow ourselves to face and deal with it, and then extend to changing and transforming my life. I often feel that my ability is limited and unable to achieve it, but, in fact, it is just because I have not made a commitment to myself, so that I have a goal to practice step by step.

Through reflection on these questions, you can make yourself understand yourself better, and you can gradually like the taste of being alone. In a person's situation, you can open your senses more undisturbed and enjoy any information the world brings to us.

Thank you to the readers for responding immediately to the situation I raised about the "overlapping theme", which made me rethink "in each theme, there must be recurring concept points", the focus is "the How to let yourself understand the core meaning of it, and then help yourself to clarify the direction to work hard.”

In the end, I found that the key factor for all relationships to be stable is actually to be yourself wholeheartedly . As long as everyone can clearly recognize their own role and position, the rest is to " allow the other party to enjoy the right to freedom, and to We accompany each other in vulnerable moments. ” In this way, the most natural and touching intimacy can be created, and there will be no regrets left by entangled in unimportant things.

Everyone is unique. The Garden of New Relationships needs different flowers to be rich and interesting.

Finally, thank you for being in front of the screen. After reading this book with patience, I wish you all the best and peace, and cherish the moment together. If you happen to have read this book, you are welcome to leave a message and share it together :)