152. You don't need surgery, don't anesthetize (paralyze) yourself

How to fight numbness, please set a bottom line and know your limits. Although you can make progress by pushing yourself to the limit, you will be dead if you are always in battle mode (maddening of adrenaline), and when you find that you are out of control (addiction) When, calm down.

No one said that you can't watch chicken soup for the soul, play games or eat cakes, but everything should be done in moderation. The point is not to use these things to paralyze and resist your true feelings.

There are two kinds of people in this world, one is those who divide like this, the other is people who do not divide like this, the core idea of the latter is that everyone is our partner!

We think anxiety can only be checked and balanced by paralysis, but what we should do is to let go of the unimportant things and keep the important ones, we should be brave to say no, which requires showing vulnerability, because we all desire love and belonging , please see the attached image and let us review the definition of attribution:

Belonging is an innate desire. We hope that we can belong to a subject larger than ourselves. Therefore, we often obtain a sense of belonging by integrating into the group and seeking identity. This is an empty alternative and also blocks the true sense of belonging. , a true sense of belonging occurs only when we reveal our true and imperfect selves to the outside world, and no amount of external belonging can surpass self-acceptance!

We need to love ourselves more than to be good people, we don't need to cater to unimportant people , we should not eliminate anxiety, but ask ourselves where these feelings come from?

We numb our feelings will only leave more shadows, the shadows are like a long night, self-numbing is just a false consolation, we should explore why we do it, we ask ourselves so little because we are afraid of knowing the truth It will be unacceptable later, which will expose the mask that we put on , and finally list a few common shields to resist our vulnerability.

Either you die or I live

This kind of person divides the world into two categories, the perpetrators and the victims, and even worse, the smart bastards and the useless fools ! Ever since we were kids, we've been asked to pursue rankings, so we think everyone else is a rival.

Why is PTSD so serious after the war? Because the retired soldiers still have the will to fight after returning to their hometown, which prevents them from integrating into normal society. You think they are strong, but in fact they are more likely to commit suicide.

The same is true in large companies (organizations), our innovation (intent) is stifled, because we are afraid of showing (vulnerability), showing the risk of failure, in order not to be the victim, we become the perpetrator!

This is because we all wrongly define success! The concept of winning or losing is based on this. We are not on the battlefield. Losing does not mean being in a body bag. Those past traumas will make us stronger and won't kill me. Make me stronger and accept my fragile self, who hasn't fallen?

Let It Out - Power Delivery (Unintentionally over-sharing one's own trauma)

Whether the other party wants to listen or not, keep talking. Don’t use your vulnerability as a weapon. This is not how we build relationships. When we share vulnerability with people who are not connected (people who don’t want to listen), especially when we are wagging our tails and begging for mercy, the other party is actually You will be afraid, as if you are putting a spotlight directly into your eyes, because he has not established a deep connection with you at all. As a result, we blame each other instead. The world does not revolve around you. When others listen to you, please know how to be content.

So you decide that you can't get the intimacy you want, we think showing your vulnerability is just bullshit in the book, and that's because you're wrong, you're "using vulnerability" instead of showing it. We don't even know we're taking advantage of our vulnerability, we just want to find a lifeline to stop ourselves from draught, as long as someone lends a helping hand, we pour it out , you think it's better to say it or at least the other party will pat You comfort you, it backfires, and you close yourself off again.

So what should be shared? Ask yourself:

•Why are you talking to each other?

• What results do you want to get?

• What emotions do I feel?

• Will the result of the talk/the other person's reaction or no reaction make me feel bad?

• Do I sincerely express my needs to the people in my life?

Let Out - Obsessive Attention (Unintentionally over-sharing one's own trauma)

Do you think forced broadcasts are shameless enough? Forced attention is the most exaggerated. I often see a lot of Internet celebrities whose pictures and texts do not match (sexy photos) with words that wag their tails and beg for pity. This is no longer armor, this is armor with spines! Things like social media and showbiz are just like everyday things. It's very similar to when you were a child and you didn't get care. It's a show. They just want an audience . Before you post, ask yourself if you just want to Chatting?

In addition to this, there are also pretending to be cool, cynical, and criticizing all to avoid showing vulnerability. The criticism here is not healthy questioning, but angry words, like "you're happy." who cares", "what a bad idea", etc.

I said in the previous articles that I like to pretend to be cool since I was bullied, because I just want to be ruthless and don’t care about everything. We are all afraid to show our emotions and these existing values (unspoken rules)

But if we go on like this, not caring what others think, we lose our ability to connect, and on the other hand our willingness to show vulnerability when we are limited by what others think.

If we ignore criticism, you'll miss out on good ideas again

If we are criticized maliciously, it will hurt our hearts

You see, it's really hard for people to get it right!

We are like walking on a high-altitude tightrope, overcoming inferiority is the tightrope (lifeline), and the safety net below is the one or two people in our life who can catch (accept) us, now I'm ready to take off the mask ,are you ready?