Trusting Communication: Four Ways the World's Leading Psychologists Read the Heart

Presumably everyone agrees that communication between people is very important, but we rarely think that good communication must be based on "trust". Skills, but the two authors of this book tell us that when there is "trust" in communication, not only do we not need to go to great lengths to get the other party to say the information we need, but let them communicate based on "trust" in us. They are a husband and wife team and have in-depth research in criminal psychology, and this method is actually used in interrogation of suspects. and interacting with prisoners.

In the past, everyone knew that one of the interrogations of suspects was torture (torture), but such an approach was ineffective and was more likely to lead to false testimony. Therefore, after 20 years of research, the two authors found that in all relationships Establishing "trust" is very important, not just for intimate partners and familiar relatives and friends, but even for interactions with strangers. In a familiar situation, how do we unload each other's hearts, and then avoid confrontation, so that the other party can feel kindness and warmth, and then a benign interaction can occur, and the author has also personally experienced severe punishment. In an emergency situation where he could attack with a sharp weapon at any time, he managed to save his life by successfully using a communication technique that made the opponent trust him.

The author proposes four animals to represent good and bad symbols of communication, namely tyrannosaurus, mouse, lion, monkey , each with positive and negative meanings, good tyrannosaurus represents frankness, frankness, criticism, bad tyrannosaurus represents It is aggressive and threatening; the good mouse represents humility, patience, calmness, and respect for others; the bad mouse represents escape, weakness, and indecision; the good monkey represents the spirit of cooperation, support, and encouragement, and the bad monkey represents It represents blurred interpersonal boundaries and excessive intimacy; good lions represent responsible leaders, and bad lions represent domineering, assertive, and controlling.

From these animals, we can think about which type of behavior we usually belong to, and we can also learn the advantages of other animals. The book lists many positive and negative dialogue examples, and also lists what each animal needs to pay attention to. The main point, at the same time, the power relationship between the interlocutor and himself has different coping methods, which are analyzed and explained in detail in this book. It is very interesting that each animal is also applied to parenting at the same time. For example, it is mentioned in the book that the characteristics of "rat parents" are avoidant and weak and hesitant. They may apologize to their children at every turn, which to a certain extent weakens the authority of parents, even if we all understand that we can't be a bad rapist. Dragon parents, but shouldn't let the children be small enough to ride on their parents' heads.

Dialogue skills are a very deep knowledge. You must first be able to perceive, empathize, and make rational judgments. When you actually face it, it is another problem. How to adjust the proportions in time really requires continuous practice, and it also depends on the object. Different people have different coping methods, but at least "listening" is the first and most important step . Find relevant interests and values from the content of the other person's words to establish a connection , just like we always tend to be related to ourselves. People who have experience or preferences talk more, because we can get relatively positive comments from the other party's mouth, so positive connections are established, and follow-up trust communication can be achieved.

Thank you for the publication of this book. It is also a communication tool (really very practical) that we need as a human being. It tells us that good communication is not about seeking peace, but we should first understand ourselves, empathize with others, and step on our feet firmly. The bottom line is also very suitable for use in parent-child relationships. For more essence, please read this book, I believe it will benefit a lot.