Short Stories | The Complete Half

After she leaves you, you start to rebuild a new order bit by bit.

The first time you log in to a marriage search website, you are a little at a loss, just like when you first entered an adult website, there is a strange tension mixed with guilt and curiosity. After filling out all the forms, your hands are full of sticky sweat. Discover what you're asking for, it's easier than you think.

Probably because you have browsed several classified areas and looked at other people's materials as references, everyone is very disciplined, not too extravagant, deliberately not revealing their unique desires, there are always a few items that are repeatedly solicited. In order to show its necessity in the human body, it seems that everyone only wants an average value that can be summarized by statistical formulas day after day, and the need for simplification of mystery and attributes that cannot be summarized and classified is settled. .

Deciding to rely on a marriage search website, you have struggled for a long time, and it is difficult to discuss it with anyone. You just hope that maybe this will allow the relationship to start on the premise of a common goal from the beginning, instead of meaningless and long letting go. Time wears out all expectations and commitments, because you have never been so fond of change, nostalgia makes you safe, like sitting on a swing and swinging an arc in the air, as long as you drop your feet at the right moment, you can return to the ground.

But when the relationship becomes old, it is no longer a bright and easy-to-recognize old thing, and the life is just as rough as a sketch, and the only options are to continue to stack the placeholders or discard the new ones. Imagination, just can't let go of the inertial use mode, you ignore the lightness caused by indifference and mutual misunderstanding, you can't grasp or measure the solution.

So she made a choice, leaving the table to skew the scales, no longer weighing up and down weights with you repeatedly, and you can't shoulder the symmetry required by the axis alone, you can only let changes invade from the outside like a probe, To endure the pain of deep exploration, so unpredictable as if you touched a light switch, only to find that it couldn't provide light at an unexpected time, the heart-like tungsten filament melted in the daily repeated burning corrosion, no longer conducting the current that would reactivate light and heat.

You are still woken up in the morning by the hoarse begging of your old dog, Teddy, who has been with you for years. When you open your eyes, you will see his plush front feet resting on the edge of the bed, his ears standing upright and wiggling back and forth, listening intently to your words. Every movement, you turn over and scratch its chin, it will know you are ready to get up, it will excitedly wag its short tail and keep rubbing its head against your palm for hugs, no matter how many people are here with any The name comes and goes, and briefly participates in the responsibility of taking care of it, and this is the morning scene that you are no exception to every day.

The light bulb in the bathroom suddenly burned out in the morning, and there is no external window in it. You just open the door and cast a shimmer of light from the corner to refresh. If we greeted the morning together in the past, you would pick up the ladder at her call and be full of energy. Replace it so she has enough light to groom her carefully or help you routinely apply a shaving foam to her stubble cheeks. She'll develop this habit because she doesn't like the itchiness of your stubble on her skin. .

So you follow her and always maintain a clean face during the relationship. Today, you squeeze the shaving foam on your hand, pause for a while, and then rinse it off. If you want, it is not bad to give the stubble the right to grow freely. Just like you no longer have to bother climbing up a ladder to get a light source for someone.

After grooming, you stand in the kitchen and start making breakfast yourself. At first, you are not used to all your actions just to maintain and take care of yourself. This space is completely insulated from you and others, and all the doors and windows are tightly closed as quiet as it is. No one will answer, reply or refute any of your words and thoughts, no communication habits that need to be carefully maintained, or noises to interfere with or interfere with your decisions, you are free to set up the lunar gravity in your body to separate the daily running tides .

You wash the vegetables, sieve them, beat the egg liquid evenly, cut off the leaves, stir-fry and fry until the seasoning is done, sprinkle a handful of spices, and you will know that this is the taste you like when you taste it. Indulging in the things you love can bring you closer and closer to yourself.

When you put the scrambled eggs on the plate, you suddenly remembered that she and you were sitting opposite each other at the dining table. She is a smart, intelligent and thoughtful girl. She always eats neatly and quickly. When she bites down on what you prepared for her When she is making a hot cheese sandwich, she will laugh involuntarily, wipe the cheese sticking to her mouth with her little finger, a simple and peaceful smile like a child, good food always pleases her, indulge in the time of pure enjoyment, and taste what she loves Food brought her back to simplicity, less scheming and layered alertness and complexity.

It was at that moment that you felt really close to her. Everything at the dinner table could happen unintentionally and naturally. You were very fortunate that you had the memory of being so close to her pure essence for a moment.

Occasionally, these images still bounce out of your head like loose springs, and you don't know how long this will last, like a few long hairs she'd left stuck on the edge of the magnetic surface of the bathroom vanity just now, You still spent a few seconds remembering the way she stood and curled up in front of the mirror when the water was rushing into the drain hole. At this time, the delicious teddy sitting at your feet dripped a few drops of saliva on your instep. , after you noticed it, you laughed and scolded it and wiped the saliva with a tissue, and you came back.

You understand that this is a sudden break from a relationship that will be dominated by inertia in the early days of a relationship, and the memory has overlapped several layers. You need time to continue to build up, practice transfer and erasure, it seems that she left a paragraph everywhere. , a few words, and when you see them, read them again until they are no longer clear.

Before leaving, she said to you, "I can't accompany you to the end."

You can't answer, because you can't measure where you go to the end, you can't ask her to accompany you to a place that you can't even identify yourself, you only know that even if you rely on something uncertain, like a magnetic force Attract each other, as long as she turns her back, you immediately become the negative pole, and in the end you can only separate and repel each other.

You think you'll meet up for dinner tonight with the person you've been talking to dating sites for a month, you'll send her home, and then you can no longer be full of the same pure joy that you did with the partner you've been courting before, can no longer be just a kind of ignition Triggering will check each action against expectations, make respective judgments and set up boundaries for subsequent development, and collect the parts that each other likes instead of incorporating them, just like the burning and sowing of arable land.

Maybe later you will have the opportunity to use your index finger to wrap her hair behind her ear, kiss her finger or ankle, she will bow her head and bury the tip of her nose in the arc of your shoulder line after hugging, you can count her with your fingers You will talk, get along and walk together all day long, she may not cry when arguing with you, maybe her voice will be a little louder, she will get close naked and spend countless hours penetrating the thickness of your accumulated past, Nor is it arrival, you can't be sure at which point trust will regenerate and flow to fill your pale dryness at the moment.

After you get home from get off work, you take back a letter from your mailbox from a charity unit that has long adopted children from poor families. You are sponsoring a girl from Indonesia. There are three photos and a reply letter written by her. She has already She has grown more than when you first got her adoption materials, and there is always a smile on her face that you like. Those photos are of her and you giving her a birthday gift, and she is holding the pen you gave her. The way you wrote this reply.

At the end of the letter, she said "I will always love you".

You've kept your eyes on this sentence for a long time, you've never seen her or heard her voice or really looked into her eyes, but if you want to believe what she says, she'll use you to give it to her Her luck breeds love for you and remembering your way, you take that letter and close your eyes and put your palms on Teddy who is sleeping beside your lap and feel its breath as quiet as the smoothest tide Ups and downs, you only hope that whether you have left you or are about to meet you, you can be as confident as you are at this moment that you can be deeply loved and remembered.

is the whole, the whole half.