Vagina | An "experiment" caused by pain

There was a time when I would explore "physical relationships" through Tinder, ie sex mates or bed mates.

At first "simple", I thought I was just trying to find out if my vagina would reject foreign objects since I was sexually assaulted, and wanted to know if I was "broken".

The physiological phenomenon of "rejection of foreign bodies from the vagina" is called "vaginismus ", that is, when a foreign body enters the vagina, the muscles will spasm involuntarily, causing discomfort when foreign bodies such as penis or sex toys enter the vagina, So much pain; but rather than a physical phenomenon, for people with a history of sexual assault, it is more often caused by "psychological factors."

However, my experience with moon cups has always been normal after sexual assault - meaning that the vagina does not reject the moon cup; so it is reasonable to assume that vaginismus occurs when under certain conditions .

Btw, Mr. Gan Lin thinks that using moon cups or tampons will give pleasure to the vagina, please don't be misled by porn, okay? : )

Here is a three-second silence for Mr. Lin. The dry process is all desirable, Only Yes Means Yes!

Before I actually set foot on the "Road of Guns", I first bought a stick-shaped sex toy to practice (relieve) and learn (press). Although it was entered with lubricating fluid, it would still be a little difficult at first, and as the number of practice increased, the Slowly reduce the feeling of pain, however, the orgasm is still achieved by stimulating the clitoris. Vaginal orgasm is still unpredictable at first; but in fact, vaginal orgasm is relatively difficult, so if you are a vagina owner You/you, it doesn't matter if you haven't experienced it now! (laugh)

Completed a phased task - a sex toy experiment, I wanted to go a step further and try it with a real person, so I used Tinder, which was already in use, to maximize its effectiveness - in an urban area, it took ten minutes to meet a stranger .

Something happened during the first appointment, and after that, my mental state began to deteriorate, and I didn't feel sick, so the second and third times happened one after another... Gun experience.

Well, as for these stories mixed with body fluids, tears, and blood, I won't explain them here.

But in those days when I didn't feel sick, a lot of things happened that I would still find incredible, as if it was another me; but what if I didn't realize what I was doing? To be honest, at the time, I used to swear to my Chinese netizens: "Look, on Tinder I can pick guys, and dating allows me to take back my sexual autonomy. I have the right to decide who I want to have sex with. It's not forced like it was then."

At the time, I was so convinced.

I really want to make up for the damage caused by the sexual assault incident through the "opportunity" I "actively" created; I thought that as long as a certain part of the script was reversed, the bottomless psychological hole caused by the trauma could be filled to some extent.

However, everything was not as I expected.

However, here, I don't want to oppose "sex dating", as long as the sexual behavior, from the beginning to the end , is informed and consented to each other, satisfying physiological desires is a very reasonable behavior.

What I want to say in this article is:

From the initial "vaginal experiment" psychology, until later in the process of dating, I repeatedly put myself in a "dangerous" situation, and I didn't even know it was hurt. This is a very dangerous thing.

Now, thanks to a lot of effort (and money) through the help of psychological counseling, I have gradually gained a "stable" sense of illness, and I have gradually been able to clarify the connection of these events and how they lead to my (unconscious) self. Harmful behavior, and these vicious circles are also related to the phenomenon of "compulsive repetition" that I mentioned earlier in the "Official Journal".

I am safe now.

Finally, I would like to say that lust is very beautiful. Even though I am a survivor of sexual assault, I still desire to have them, but my current psychological state is very fragile, so I have to solve it through "sex with myself" for the time being. Desire! : )