Wuhan City Lockdown Diary of a Woman Who Lives Alone | January 23-26

January 23

I am a calm and calm person when things go wrong. Until January 20, when the number of new cases in Wuhan exceeded 100, and cases appeared in other provinces and cities, I began to feel overwhelmed. The previously announced information was clearly underreported. Since that day, the number of people wearing masks on the streets of Wuhan has increased sharply. Many pharmacies have sold out of medical masks, and many people are buying medicines to prevent and treat colds. It just happened that I had a cold at this time. Although it was basically better, when I was queuing to buy masks, I saw that the person in front had bought 4 boxes of osvita (a medicine to prevent flu), and I also bought a box of 62 per box. , still a bit expensive.

I have been in anxiety for the past few days. Judging from the updated news from various places, most of the confirmed cases have passed through Wuhan before the 15th. Wuhan is the city with the largest number of university students in the world, and mid-January is the time for university holidays. Now that it is the Spring Festival, the traffic at the station must be very large. However, Wuhan Railway Station is not strictly regulated. I would never go home during the Spring Festival, and it is safest to stay where I am. When I woke up this morning and saw the news of the lockdown, I was at a loss. I couldn't predict what it would mean, how long it would be closed, and how to prepare.

In the past few days, I have seen a lot of irritating news: news that many patients were not hospitalized after being diagnosed; many patients with fever could not be treated; Deputy Secretary J, Governor Wang Xiaodong and other leaders watched the theatrical performance of the Spring Festival troupe of Hubei Province on January 21...

My friends asked me to hurry up and stock up on things. I didn’t want to go out, so I placed the order first when I saw X, but I was worried that the delivery would stop at any time. I also went out in the mood to take a look at the situation outside. Basically, there are middle-aged and elderly people outside, and there are fewer young people. When I got to the nearby supermarket, many people were queuing up to check out. There was not much left of the life-saving food such as rice and noodles. I took some casually in the panic. There was a man who sold a lot of salt. Someone said what would you do if you bought so much salt .

When I went out, I didn't think too much. I didn't have a backpack, I didn't pull a suitcase, and I couldn't take a lot of things. On my second trip out the door, I started to feel terrified when I started to realize the hopeless euphoria I had when I "snatched something." Seeing that some old people on the road are not strong, they are even more difficult in such a situation. Later, I thought that even if the city was closed, there should still be supplies of daily necessities, so I bought some "luxury goods" on the second trip, such as yogurt and honey.

On the way home, I went to the pharmacy, and the pharmacy started to control people's entry. The pharmacy no longer has masks and alcohol, and the purchase of cold medicine is also restricted. When I was about to leave the pharmacy, no one was allowed to enter. A middle-aged woman stopped me and asked me to buy alcohol for her. Her tone was full of urgency, as if begging for a life-saving straw .

I was still in shock after finishing the food. There are fewer and fewer vehicles and pedestrians on the road today, and a city has come to a sudden stop. When will it come back to life?

January 24

The world is eerily quiet.

I live alone, and I occasionally hear voices in the corridor to be sure that there are other people there.

I have a lot of time to think about how I am going to survive. I don't have any resources or connections within the system. If I get sick, I will be unable to get treatment like many ordinary people. So one of my goals is to try not to make myself sick, and I'm going to keep exercising. To survive, I need the necessary food, so I need to know the supply of the necessities of life.

At present, the government has not said how long the city will be closed, nor has it told us how to ensure the operation of the city after the closure. Some people have predicted that the city may be closed until May based on the number of people currently disturbed. In order to survive, I have to understand the circumstances around where I live and not live in a Truman world. So I went out today. Pharmacies and convenience stores downstairs in the community are closed. I walked to the nearby supermarket less than 1 km. I saw the deliveryman with X was still delivering food on the road, and I felt a little comfort.

There are still many people rushing to buy in the supermarket, and the noodles have basically been robbed, but there is still some rice. I thought that since I was here, I would buy some things. Vegetables needed to be weighed. There were twenty or thirty people in the weighing queue, so I only bought some sausages, meals, dumplings, and meat. Next, I went to the pharmacy, still no masks and no alcohol. I bought vitamin C effervescent tablets and iodine disinfectant. I basically don’t store medicines at home because I rarely get sick, so I decided to stick to vitamin C effervescent tablets during this time. (Netizens left a message saying not to eat VC effervescent tablets every day)

I saw many people wearing double-layer masks when I was queuing to check out, and I decided to follow suit in the future. The couple in front were chatting about what else to buy. They bought disposable medical gloves and said that they can wear them when they go out, which is too clever. I quickly bought a box too. Later, the medical masks arrived, 1 bag of 100, I originally took two bags, the shopping guide said that one bag cost 198, so I silently put back one bag. When I checked out, I found out that a bag was only 99, and I regretted it again. But I also increased my confidence that I could live longer. Scarcity makes one feel insecure, especially in this extreme situation of survival.

I went to the vegetable market again. There were half of the stalls and less vegetables. I bought celery, garlic moss and eggs. There are a few sporadic shops open, and the spicy beef noodles said they will be closed within today. I didn't ask the wreath shop, they seemed to be watching a SARS documentary. I was surprised to see a flower shop that was still open. The next time I went out, it was still open, so I would buy a potted plant.

When I got home, I washed all my clothes and took a shower. Keeping clean and hygienic is also extremely important now. I have to wash my hands twenty or thirty times a day. After half a day was over, I started making lunch. Going out has made me feel connected to the world, and I have learned some survival skills from others.

In this war, most individuals can only rely on themselves, without the protection of the system. I'm relatively young, and it's hard to imagine how the more vulnerable individuals, such as the elderly living alone, the disabled, etc., are going to win this battle.

January 25

The weather in Wuhan is as gloomy as it is in Wuhan now. Yesterday was New Year's Eve, and today is Spring Festival. I have never been very interested in festivals, and now festivals are even more irrelevant to me. Yesterday, I posted my experience and feelings in the past two days, which unexpectedly attracted the attention of many people. This attention becomes a connection between me and the world.

When Lu Pin suggested that I write about my experience in Wuhan, I was a little hesitant. There are many reasons why I don't want to be seen as a totally tragic victim, and I don't want to give the impression of just "she's miserable". I only moved to Wuhan in November 2019. Many people don't know it. I don't want to deal with many greetings. Maybe someone will offer to help, and I don't want to cause trouble to others. I'm also uncomfortable getting attention, and frankly I'm not the worst, there are many more sick people who need real attention. Perhaps more fundamentally, I am reluctant to admit that I am miserable. It takes courage to admit my weakness.

As a gender equality activist, I know better than anyone else that to solve a social problem, someone first needs to speak up. I decided to try and stick to the record because I really need support right now. I have received a lot of help after publishing my records, including practical life skills, such as not taking effervescent tablets every day, paying attention to how to take masks and gloves, and not taking oseltamivir casually; including touching and spiritual comfort, some people say The salted duck you want to send to me in Nanjing is not the type of salted duck bought in the supermarket, nor the so-called famous-brand salted duck. It is the type of braised vegetable shop that usually queues up to buy it. The common people think it is very delicious and can be vacuum-packed. , Some people say remember to put on lip balm; some people send me masks, alcohol, and friends send me money.

When I was cooking for the past two days, I had already started to control the amount of vegetables. The amount of vegetables in each stir-fry meal was half of the usual amount. On New Year's Eve, my dinner was 300 grams of dumplings stuffed with corn, vegetables, pork, and 5 braised chicken wings. Of course, there was no reduction last night.

We can't escape the topic of pneumonia when we have a video with some friends during dinner. In fact, people from all over the world are affected to some extent . Some friends are in the prefecture-level city of Wuhan, and some friends from different places decide not to go home because of pneumonia. Some Friends "risk to die" get together. Fortunately, our conversation is not dominated by pneumonia, which can be used to make fun of it when we talk about it. A friend coughed during the video, and someone joked about quitting the video.

In a mockery of heterosexuality, we started playing a "36 Questions to Make Strangers Fall in Love Quickly". The first question is "who would you invite to dinner if you could choose from everyone in the world", two friends said to me. I'm a little embarrassed, of course they mean it, especially now that I don't know how long I'm going to be stuck in a city. I interjected, this question should be for everyone to talk about their idols, stars, and objects of sexual fantasies. As a result, everyone's answers were very different, and some people chose Zhong Nanshan.

Maybe the question wasn't that interesting and we didn't play it any time soon. Not knowing what to talk about, some people said that they were confused about some topics recently and wanted to discuss it with you. So, we entered a serious discussion, including why everyone is attacking Wu Xin personally, and how to treat women's weakness in intimate relationships.

My feminist partners always look at the context women are in, not just what someone says or does. It's always easier to beat individuals, but we're in a social structure. My current sense of hopelessness cannot be attributed to a specific individual, but rather a disappointment with the rotten social institutions and structures. The government is the party with the resources and power, and it is supposed to do something, but the opposite is true.

Later, a friend's family ordered a BBQ takeaway, and it was a joy to watch them eat BBQ recklessly in front of me. I'm also glad they didn't shy away from me because it wasn't necessary at all. It is important for everyone to live their own life well.

We chatted until more than 11 o'clock and chatted for about 3 hours. I felt a moment of happiness and thought I could go to sleep with this contentment. I didn't expect to close my eyes, all the recent events began to flash in my mind, all this is really magical. "Why did this happen to me?" flashed in my mind, and I quickly stopped the thought, because it was a bad omen. If people blindly question life, it will only increase people's sense of powerlessness.

I know it's hard, but "how to do it" is more important. Thinking about it, tears flowed out unconsciously. These tears are mixed, weak, angry, moved, sad... I also thought of death, but I don't have much regret, because I'm already doing what I think is worthwhile.

The luckiest thing in life is being a feminist and working with a group of like-minded partners who support and accompany each other. However, I still do not want to end. So I thought about what I would do after the lockdown was lifted. I imagined what kind of joy it would be. After passing this level, my life has been upgraded to another level. I quickly interrupted the idea again, after all, the city has only been locked down for two days. I don't know how long I thought about it, I finally fell asleep.

I woke up at 7:00 in the morning. I didn't want to get up. After a while, I couldn't fall asleep or got up. Hypochondriasis may be the biggest psychological obstacle now. When I blew my nose in the morning, I was shocked to see bloodshots. Worry about getting sick after throwing away the tissue lingered in the back of my mind.

In my mind, I recalled all the suspicious signs since the end of December. I went to Tongji Hospital for an examination on December 30, and went to Guilin to play on January 9. At that time, a friend had a cold, and I was infected with a cold. On January 13 Back in Wuhan, I didn't take any medicine, but the cold was obviously getting better. After that, some friends stayed at my house for a few days, and I also met a few friends. They are all fine so far.

I'm wondering if I shouldn't go out. But I don't have a fever, I have a lot of appetite, and I want to eat hot pot with my friends. I couldn't let myself be trapped in the whirlpool of hypochondriasis. I opened Keep and started to exercise. After exercising, I still went out.

It's still depressing outside. Today I wore a double layer mask, even though many said it was useless and unnecessary. I'm worried that in the event of a counterfeit product, it will increase my sense of security no matter how bad it is. When I went out, I found eye mucus in the mirror of the elevator. I thought it was better not to deal with it and just let it go. When I saw a waist flower noodle shop opened, I was about to enter when the boss waved his hand and said it was closed. The wreath shop is still open, and some chrysanthemums are specially placed at the door. I don't know if it has a special meaning. There was the same chrysanthemum at the entrance of an alley 5 meters away from the wreath shop. An old man stood there with a solemn feeling. After I passed by, I carefully turned my head to take a picture.

I went to the same supermarket, the vegetable rack was basically empty, and there were few dumplings and noodles left. There wasn't a lot of people queuing to weigh in today, so I just bought some sweet potatoes. When I came to the supermarket, it seemed that I had to buy something. In fact, I had already saved about 7 kg of rice. I still bought another 2.5 kg of rice. I couldn’t resist buying some dumplings, salted duck eggs, sausages, red beans, mung beans, and millet. I'm not a big fan of salted duck eggs, I keep them just in case. I will give it away when there are still salted duck eggs left. Suddenly I feel that this approach is a bit morbid, in fact, the food I have at home is enough for me to eat for at least a month. But how can I be too harsh on myself in this situation.

I also went to the same pharmacy and asked if there was any alcohol. After the shopping guide answered, he said, didn't you come here yesterday? I said yes, thinking I might come every day.

The flower shop is still open, and the rest of the potted plants are not so green. I chose a pot of green radish with some spots on the leaves, because it is easy to maintain. I have a sick pot of mint at home and its leaves are slowly turning yellow. This is my first time growing mint and I'm not sure what's going on and what to do. Next, I went to the wet market, which was closed today.

I plan to go for a walk by the river today. I drank some water when I went out, felt the urge to urinate when I went to the supermarket, and I was carrying something, and I felt like giving up. But my life is too monotonous . The distance between the supermarket and the riverside is about 500 meters. I went around the road next to the supermarket to the riverside. There were also two small shops open on the road, and people were walking their dogs. This is a road I haven't traveled, and I somehow feel that my world has been opened up a little bit. There are also sporadic people walking by the river, and they are also people who do not want to be trapped.

Going to the supermarket every day feels like grabbing the last few things I can grab, I can't go to the supermarket every day, I have to give myself time to relax. When the sun is shining, I will not go to the supermarket, but just walk along the river.

January 26

It's not just cities that are being blocked, but also people's voices.

On the first day when I posted my notes on Weibo, the pictures could not be uploaded, and the text could not be sent, so I had to convert the text into pictures and send them. Yesterday, I couldn't post the text into a picture in the circle of friends, and the Weibo was obviously limited after it was posted. Weibo on January 24 had nearly 5,000 retweets, while yesterday's Weibo had only 45 retweets. For a moment I wondered if I was writing badly. The censorship and restriction of the Internet is not only now, but it is even more cruel at this time . Many people who are locked in the city are trapped at home. Everyone relies on the Internet to obtain information and keep in touch with family and friends, so that we don’t really need to be an island.

After posting on Weibo on the 24th, the director of CCTV News Investigation called me. She said that she saw my Weibo and did not expect that I was in Wuhan. She was doing a show last year about sexism in employment, and she interviewed me because I've been working on it all these years. After that, we had very little contact, and I was a little surprised and moved when I received her call. In the past two days, some people have shared their current situation with me, and some people have sent concerns and blessings. When I started writing I wasn't sure if I could keep writing every day, but now I've decided to make this promise, I'll keep writing and try to send it out. Maybe there will be a blockade in the future, I hope you can help forward if you see my notes, and remember to @ me to let me know someone is watching.

Yesterday's dinner was sweet potato, yogurt and fried eggplant. Last night, I video chatted with my friends for another 3+ hours and had a lot of small talk. We talked again about ""If you can choose anyone in the world, who would you like to invite to dinner", the friend who chose to have dinner with me the day before changed people yesterday.

We all know that it is important to keep exercising, but it is difficult for a person to persist. A friend who stayed at my house a few days ago said that when she was at my house, she could force us to practice ukulele every day, but she did not practice at home alone. So we suggested that everyone exercise during the video, and several people actually moved for a while. A friend in Beijing said that the intercity bus in Beijing was out of service.

Friends in Guangzhou have also seen some gossip about the closure of Guangzhou. Everyone said let me write a shopping list (I put it at the end). We also talked about many voluntary organizations, some of which donated materials and some organized information. We are worried that the identity and perspective of women such as female caregivers may be ignored in pneumonia, so I set up a group of "feminists about pneumonia", hoping to discuss and act from the perspective of feminism. Discussing with everyone what to do can help individuals overcome some feelings of powerlessness.

When life changes dramatically, re-establishing the routine can be a huge challenge. In the morning I continue to do Keep. Keep has a beeping sound. When I was supposed to do the side knee raise, I suddenly realized that I was doing the support alternately touching the shoulders. I was not concentrating on exercising, my mind was occupied by a lot of things. But building a new routine is about regaining control, and in order to stay healthy, I have to work on it. When I was about to go out, I found that yesterday's clothes forgot to dry. I had to prepare another set of clothes for going out.

The moment he walked out of the community, a sense of depression hit his face. The shops on both sides were all closed. I only saw 3 people, a sanitation worker, a doorman, and a passerby. I started mentally counting how many people I would meet today. I met 8 people when I walked to the waist flower noodle shop 500 meters away from my house.

The waist flower shop was still open, and the owner was doing takeout. The wreath shop is closed. The old man from yesterday was still standing at the entrance of the alley, not wearing a mask, watching sporadic passers-by.

The supermarket is still open, and the shelves for vegetables, noodles, and rice are empty. Today, many people are queuing for weighing again. I walked around the supermarket, and I finally stopped shopping today, and I felt a little proud. The flower shop went out to deliver flowers, and the vegetable market was still closed.

After walking the route that I must take every day, I suddenly don't want to go home, I don't want to live in a certain range. So, I decided to move forward. I have been in Wuhan for more than 2 months. I don’t like to go shopping, and I don’t have many friends in this city, so I rarely go out. At the end of December, a friend came from out of town, and she took me to Tan Hualin, an Internet celebrity street near my home. At that time, I said that in the future when friends come, I can bring them here. When I saw a sign on the way to Tan Hualin, I followed.

The traffic light was still on. When I saw the red light, I consciously stopped for a while, and then I was shocked that there were no cars on the road, so I continued to walk. The sign led me to an urban village, walking on a narrow path, listening to my own footsteps, as if I felt that I knew more about Wuhan. There is a mourning hall in an open door, and it is not known if she died of pneumonia. The urban village is always like a labyrinth, not knowing where to go.

I don't know where I went, but I didn't go to Tan Hualin anyway. But Tan Hualin was not my necessary destination. After walking about 1 km, I went back. On the way back, the door to the mourning hall was closed. There are elegiac couplets on the doors of four or five houses on the road, and I didn't notice it at all when I passed by for the first time.

Since the supermarket, I have not been able to count accurately. I probably met more than 100 people today. Going home is still laundry, bathing, mopping, and cooking. After eating, I felt able to catch my breath and a little tired. This is probably the day-to-day work of many housewives, and it is amazing that they can do this day in and day out. I was going to sleep for a while, but I didn't, because I was thinking about writing today's notes. I will continue to speak up, break the blockade, and hope you have hope. Friends, have the opportunity to meet and chat.

shopping list

Bottom line of survival: rice, noodles, pickles, salted duck eggs, etc. (these are essential and life-saving foods, and can be stored for a long time)

Basic life: potatoes, carrots, onions, celery, garlic moss, meat, etc. (these are ingredients for daily cooking and are relatively durable)

"Luxury goods": dried fish, dried tofu, dried meat, honey, yogurt, etc. (These foods can reduce our sense of scarcity to a certain extent, and feel that life is more than just survival)