late bloomer

I answered a question about "change" a few days ago; this question is about my career transition a few years ago. It seems that because of this question, the background activities in my heart these days will silently activate the mode of memory, and I am indeed about to. Say goodbye to my present life, and the land that raised me.

There are still a small number of young people who do not choose to work and work hard in the city, and it is indeed not easy to stay in your hometown, especially when you have deep feelings for the land, which often contains deep expectations, although most of the time it seems that it is not easy. Realistic, like the (excessively) ideal left wing youth. Writing this, I suddenly remembered that a friend once said to me, who was not a left-wing youth when he was young (laughs).

In recent years, there have been many successful cases of returning home in the media, but I think that only when people are really in the process of " rooting the uprooted roots back into the soil " can they deeply feel every step they take. , When making a choice, the pain and struggle under the foot.

When I decided to "pause" my ideals, I couldn't sort out the messy words I wanted to say, but maybe now? Those repression and helplessness may be completely insignificant compared to the elders who stayed in the hometown for life, but please allow me to express this young generation.

The first is "pesticides".

When I was in college, I went to a friend's hometown to play. While walking on a country road, he suddenly asked me, "Do you smell pesticides?" "Is this the smell of pesticides?"

It turned out to be pesticides.

I grew up playing in the small water canal beside the fields, and I was too used to the pungent and familiar smell in the air, so although I would stay away because of the smell of pig feces, the pesticides did not have the " lethality " to the young me. ".

At this moment, I can "understand" why farmers risk their health to use pesticides; however, there is a transitional period in the name of "disgust" - disgust, because when I grew up I learned other farming methods, Therefore, I was very persistent in thinking that these drugs that are toxic to the environment and the human body can be avoided. Understanding begins with "getting along". When you get to know more and more elders who have cultivated from young to old, you know that they don't really want to do so, but "market" and "extreme climate" do not allow them to let go of their backs. The motive behind the pesticide barrels is often to ask for a bite to eat.

The second is "below basic hourly wages".

It's funny. When I was working in an organic farm in Taiwan, I angrily talked to the boss about my scheduling problem, and even printed out the labor law, and highlighted the agriculture, forestry, fishery, and animal husbandry of the third point . Wire.

" How can anyone in agriculture be talking about the labor-based law? " I remembered that the boss replied at the time.

This question was not answered until I returned to my hometown. When calculating the cost, some farmers usually do not include the working hours of themselves and their family members (partners) into the labor cost; the senior Qingnong once told me, " If you include your own labor, you will not feel that Are you very sad? " Of course, this sentence may not apply in the case of " vegetable gold* ", but if the essence of farming is like gambling - no matter it is because of the market mechanism or Tiangongbo, who can guarantee that every gambling will be guaranteed? win?

Farmers who are accustomed to " eating their own labor* ", if they have money to hire laborers to help with farm work, the labor market is also full of seniors. Occasionally, there are spouses of new residents, or nearby housework migrants who want to earn pocket money. Of course, there are also escapees. of illegal migrant workers. The hourly wages of employees are basically impossible to meet the basic wages stipulated by the Labor Standards Act. I haven't explored the factors behind it, but I have heard the statement from other people's chats: if the hourly wage of employees is raised to the same as the basic hourly wage, when the price of vegetables is as low as the earth, the cost and income will be reduced. If it cannot be leveled, it will not last (the period of low prices).

I think both the farmer and the hired worker are the losers in this question; labor rights are rarely mentioned by the hired workers around me, and the farmer may face a shortage of labor during busy farming seasons. Although family elders always say that young people can’t endure hardships or do this job, in all fairness, they can still get basic hourly wages by going to work at 7-11, but they don’t have basic hourly wages when they bend over to work in the fields, the sun is shining above their heads, or it’s raining heavily. , and there is no labor and health insurance. If it were me, I would not be able to do it. Because of this, the older employees left the industry one by one because of physical illnesses. " Taiwan would not be able to do it without foreign workers (agriculture). " This sentence has been heard more often in the past two years, and the laws related to agricultural migrant workers have only just begun.

The third is "politics".

This item is the hardest to write.

As one's own observation of society grows year by year, it is different from the "set" instilled in the family and school. The process of forming/destroying values is back and forth "softening/solidifying" and "polishing", which is challenging Unlearning; the hardest part of this is probably to realize that the closest family members hold different positions from their own. Although over time, facing different viewpoints, they can gradually find ways to back down, but the "adults" are still used to When the rights and interests are compromised, the younger generation is asked to be concerned, "don't touch politics" and "don't cause trouble"; at this moment, one can see the profound impact of the authoritarian education during the martial law period on the parents and the elders in the neighborhood; of course, among them There may also be intertwined interests, but that's something I don't want to touch at the moment.

Only "that time", I didn't choose to avoid it and stood up for some rights and interests in the village. It was also that time. It was very rare that the elders around me were willing to support me, but it is a pity that the image of the evil forces in the past. It is still deeply imprinted in their hearts, so most people do not dare to "openly" come forward to help.

I may not be able to write down that experience very clearly here, but I still feel scared if I pass the relevant people in the village, even though I understand that they can't hurt me, but the fear is still there stay in my heart. This experience is probably the greatest "lethality" that my hometown has left me when I am an adult. Compared with pesticides, various pollutions, and the verbal violence of male elders in the family.

Compared with my predecessors who have experienced social movements big and small, I feel that I am weak; and once, I "looked" so brave.

so many kinds. In fact, there is still a lot to say, but I don't know how to start it -- I'm still figuring out how to think about this experience, maybe in another year or two, about working in the "system" for the first time, about power and corruption. Can find a more appropriate way to describe the feeling of "disappointment".

Just stop here for now.

A few years ago, after I took a year off from college, I just came back to Taiwan on a working holiday from abroad. When I was seeing my friend, she looked at me and said, "I don't think you are socialized at all."

Is not socialization a bad thing?

So am I socialized now?

Good-natured people mature late, and they are ripened by bad people. When others are smart, they are dumb and stupid. When others weigh the pros and cons, they are sincere, and when others are exhausted, their souls are lost. I haven't opened my mind yet, but even though I have opened my mind later, my heart will still remain kind and sincere. They keep looking for the same kind, but in the end they become the loneliest one. ——Mo Yan, "Late Blossoming People"

The above paragraph was shared with me by a Chinese netizen.

I wish I could stay kind, stay honest, but also start protecting myself.

A lot of feelings Ah, and finally finished. Hug yourself.

annotation

1. Caijin Caitu means that the price of vegetables is unstable. When the price is good, it is as high as gold, and when it falls sharply, it is like rotten soil.

2. Eating one's own work means not including one's working hours into labor costs.