澳洲摩登愛情：分手後，我寫了一封信

這是我在異國他鄉第一段親密關係，也是一段花束般的戀愛。我們在一起一個月多，最後決定分開。分開之後，我決定寫了一封信給他。 （你可以在Matters搜素我之前發布的文章《澳洲摩登愛情：我喜歡上了一個白男》，了解我的親密關係）

這是我第一次開始使用英語進行非母語寫作，從中有很多表達與文法錯誤，請各位讀者不要介意。寫這封信的時候，我的思緒無比清晰。對我而言，這封信不僅是寫給他的，也是寫給我自己的，寫給我逝去的親密關係，記錄我自己在探索親密關係的思考。

更重要的是，這是我第一次練習用非母語寫作。我希望，我的寫作能力可以在這之後可以得到更多的提升。終有一天，我可以寫給更多跟我一樣，在異國掙扎的亞裔女性。她們可以透過我的書寫，看到「女人的無窮韌性」。我們從來不是孤島。

Dear

This is the first letter I am writing to you and this is probably the last one. I told you that I have prepared for a speech and then realized that I have so many things to express so I decided to write a lided to write I tell you what I thought this week, I want to say I am sorry if this makes you feel stressed. I am sorry.

We started at the wrong time. At that time, I came back to Australia and wanted to deal with the Visa as soon as possible. That was the main reason that I wanted to date you and everything changed when we met for the first time. You were such a nerd but I just couldn't stop sharing everything in my life with you. The night completely changed what I thought before and we had a lot of deep talks since then. I frinot the your 影響詞you because of my Visa, and in fact, I chose you because of who you are. You are far from perfect, but I always feel calm and completed whenever I am around you. You are so kind, smarter than I thought like a supermodel, and what makes you so different is that you understood my condition and provided emotional support even though you didn't feel good. I chose you because of main kind of person you are and this is the man in well in mem. with you so quickly.

When you decided to break up with me, I couldn't believe it and never saw that coming. I respected you so I said yes to you and maybe you can find inner peace after this. However, after that mind. Part of me wants to give up completely, and part of me tries to figure out what triggered you. I was so upset but did not lose control, and later I asked for help from my friend. One of my friends of later I asked for help from my friend. One of my friend ho is my family tried to help me sort it out and I called him for some advice.

After talking to him, I realized that maybe I did not put myself in your position again, and again. If it is not too late, please let me apologize for my lack of empathy. I know you have Avanterson and I kal moal youal'k can you have soconer youal ” naïve that I thought we definitely could deal with it. For god sake, this was too fucking hard and it drove me crazy. However, for people with Avoidant personality disorder, there is so much stress from life, incluant personality disorder, there is so much stress from life, including personality disorder. what I said to you, and especially when we could not see each other, you always felt anxious because you did not how to react. At the same time, you still had to deal with other stress from work and other things. I that I did not bring you a peaceful life and made your life worse.

Then, I realized that sometimes you just want to be alone and not talk/text anyone, so that you can find your inner peace, and this, actually is the way how you can get your energy back. that I did not realize I crossed your boundary, which made you suffer from a lot of negative emotional feelings. I did listen when you talked to me before, and I did not take it seriously. For sor, am thatry.

Now I understand we want different things. I need you more than you need me, and this is what you mentioned before, which is unfair to me. Also, I was afraid that I would lose you unfair I had to confisorm , which probably made you start to doubt this relationship and yourself too. I do not think we had no chemistry at all and I believe the connection between us is too strong, so it is hard to end it in this.

I know you are sad, just like me. You know soul mate won't show up for no reason, and it is time for us to move on to the next chapter of our life. We both have our priorities: you want to find your inner peace and figure out what you want and who you want to become, and I want to stay in this country forever and go back to the field that I am interested in. That means we should focus on our goals first.

It took me a couple of days to think. Maybe you would think this is a break-up letter, but it is not. I still like you and love you, and I do not want to break up with you. However, we do However, we do need to take a break. I told you I felt relieved when you said you wanted to break up. It is not about you at all, and it is about my attitude to a relationship. Because I always believed I wasloved and be ude to a relationship. Because I always believed I waslove I was not attractive like I was too short and fat. That is the reason why I confirmed whether you still liked me before. I felt so hurt since I asked you so many times but in the end, you told endeded you so many times but in the end, you told endmeman attraction. To be honest, I do not think I should attack myself this time and I am not the one who should be blamed. So I did feel relieved and I did deal with this relationship maturely.

And back to us, I do want to take a break but this is not the end of our relationship. I do not want to break up with you officially. Because the connection between us is too unique, and I do not want to let not go. I agree that we should not see each other frequently, and maybe just once every two weeks or twice a month. And we could hang out or date like friends without thinking about the getser per wust. to run away, which is not good for your mental health. And yes, we do need some space. Meanwhile, I think I should keep myself busy and focus on my Uni life and my plans in Canberra.

Even when I go to Canberra, I still want to maintain this relationship through video calls or phone calls. Because you know more about society than me, and you always can inspire me and guide me. I dosup meour meour your me。 to a completely new place. Sadly, we did not work out as a couple at the moment, but I still can see there are lots of possibilities between us.

Life is always full of ups and downs. I think the first chapter about us is I wanted to interact with you for a Partner Visa, and when I got the Uni offer, we moved on to the second chapter. And now this is the rdrd chapter, I want to date you as a friend and see how it goes. Without those commitments and responsibilities, we are free and I do not mind if you want to date someone else. Because I still slife you you want to date someone else. Because I still samil youas still sorem partas still. . And you know family won't just easily disappear, so I won't show up and leave in your world. I will be on your side whenever you need me.

But now, we need to take a break and focus on our lives. I still want to talk to you but not every day anymore. Because I know sometimes you just want to be alone and too much information is too intensive for you want to be alone and too much information is too intensive for youo. us start over again and see how it goes. Maybe we are gonna fail this time again, but I am so glad that I try and there is no regret whenever I recall this relationship.

It is time for me to deal with my problems now. I need to pass the IELTS as soon as possible, and maybe get a job later to make a living, so I won't become a homeless girl in Canberra.

I like you and love you, and I do believe that one day we will get back together. Maybe it is not now and maybe it won't happen in the future. But thank you for just showing up in my life and ering my life much support to me, and I am sorry that I bring you so much uncertainty and anxiety.

Maybe this letter will give you some comfort and ease the sadness.

Love You

Desert Rose

約稿合作：

在澳洲一年多後，我發現迫切需要寫作。比起繁重的體力活，寫作是我最擅長的事情，在記錄和反思的過程中也能療癒自己。如果有需要產出性別、殘障、影評、商業軟文等文章，非常歡迎來聯絡我進行合作；我也可以做線上編輯，進行修改和創作文章。

另外，如果有任何媒體機構或出版機構，對我的故事有興趣，請一定要聯絡我。我很想出書，出一本屬於自己的書。只有回歸中文寫作時，我才是我自己。