A word I don't like: fringe people

Marginal, generally used to refer to a person or a few people who are relatively inconspicuous in a group.

The appearance of marginalized people in the workplace and in society is not a special concern, but in schools, especially in middle schools, marginalized people are often involved in many class conflicts.

For me, a ticking time bomb is planted when the word "marginal" comes up in a class, or when someone is ostracized by a large group.

Who is the fringe?

Generally speaking, marginalized people are naturally generated in a group. Even if the original marginalized people are eliminated, there will always be other people in the group who will gradually become marginalized.

Because there will always be flowers in a group, and there will always be green leaves. Some people stand out, and naturally some people's light is covered up. Many psychological theories and anthropological theories talk about this phenomenon.

But the generation of marginalized people is not random. Some people often become marginalized people in the group because of their personality.

For example, people with social fears, people who are not good at words, people who like to do things alone. When they appeared, they often sat alone in the corner, as if a barrier had been opened, and no one could get close.

To me, they should not be classified as "marginal" because they are by nature and like to sit quietly in a corner by themselves. So they don't feel unbalanced because they are not valued, but they really hope that everyone will not focus on them.

And they usually still have one or two good friends, and they have a good relationship with the class. Usually, only they are bullied, and they rarely bully others.

This group is the object of silent attention. The reason for concern is that because they don't want to be the focus of everyone and don't like to communicate, they often become the target of framed and bullied by their classmates.

Because they don't speak.

When encountering a problem, most of them choose to back down, because they don’t even want to communicate such as quarreling and reporting to the teacher, which naturally takes advantage of the hearts of many bullies (although they don’t want to admit it, some teachers also bully these students. one of the murderers.)

And this is often misunderstood for middle school students who are learning how to socialize and how to handle all kinds of relationships.

There is even a situation that may occur:

It was clear that things had come to light, he was framed, he was misunderstood. Everyone complained that he didn't say anything, causing everyone to misunderstand and then continue to marginalize him.

And this is something that teachers try to avoid.

School is a place where collective action is celebrated, because in the society of the future, all human beings must learn to work in teams and to do things collectively.

So it will subtly give all students an idea:

 It's not right to be alone without friends

When a school successfully instills the concepts of "team", "cooperation" and "love each other" into the thinking of most students, these students are alone, do not participate in the team, do not want to cooperate, and do not take the initiative to love each other. Became "wrong/wrong" behavior.

Although the school rules do not say so.

Therefore, when dealing with the problems of this group of students, teachers need to take great care of their social inadequacy in order to be able to communicate effectively with them.

For example, try to talk to them in the form of personal counseling, and keep what they say (including other teachers) strictly confidential. Even if you need to ask other teachers for assistance, you should also consider whether students will choose to give up because they refuse to contact more people. Everything communicates.

In the same way, students should always pay attention to the characteristics they do not want to be the center of attention when dealing with them, and try not to expose any of their affairs to the public eye.

The most important thing in getting along with this type of friend is "silence".

They help silently when they need help without telling him. When they were bullied, they also silently told the class director that unless they were personally hurt or really needed to be stopped immediately, they would not be in idol dramas where the hero saves the beauty and the beauty saves the hero. They would be very uncomfortable.

In fact, when they slowly opened their hearts, they were willing to mingle with everyone, but the way they mingled was just to smile a little more at ordinary times, not to go crazy with everyone, just respect them.

Another type of person who can be marginalized is a group of people whose behavior is ostracized.

There is a saying that goes: "Poor people have something to hate"

This sentence can be fully reflected in this group of people.

It could be an accident, it could be a long-term act, when we ask anyone in the group: "Why is he on the fringe?"

Everyone was able to articulate clearly and unequivocally why he was hated.

Maybe he stole money from his classmates, maybe he did something to annoy the whole class, maybe he had some bad habits, such as like to fart in the air-conditioned room.

From the student's standpoint, of course, he is not easy to get along with, so we don't get along with him.

But from the position of the teacher, this matter is a problem that needs to be solved.

Because this type of marginalized people are not necessarily willing to be marginalized by the whole class. They may have been one of the people who got along with everyone, and they want to be able to get along in the same way as everyone else.

And if the teacher doesn't deal with it, so that they and the whole class can live in peace, there will definitely be class conflicts one after another in the future, which will make the teacher devastated.

When I usually deal with this kind of thing, I will uphold the 8-character principle: "Handle with justice, and have feelings outside the law."

To most of the class, I have to be reasonable. Eliminate everyone's rejection of him from every little thing, so that everyone feels that it's fine for us to talk about things, and don't exclude each other with personal emotions.

Because a person who is rejected by the class, even if the garbage is accidentally thrown out of the trash can, even if he picks it up immediately, it will become an unforgivable felony in the eyes of others.

Therefore, it is very important to deal with it fairly.

And for that marginal person, I will spend time with him for long-term personal counseling.

It will cause a person to be alienated from the class, and his mistakes are certainly not simple. In my experience, whether alienated by an incident or by some long-term habit, it usually takes several months for the client to correct his own mistakes, including other partners time to accept him.

What the teacher needs to do is to continuously guide him to correct this problem during this period, and at the same time to appease the whole class, and buy time for him to correct, when he has corrected his shortcomings to a level acceptable to the whole class (or Tolerance), talk to everyone about "love" again, let him and the whole class take a step back, and then reintegrate.

For the remaining problems that have not been completely corrected, the whole group can teach him.

After all, for issues related to the group, it would be more appropriate for the group to teach him.

Therefore, from the standpoint of students, we naturally have reasons to distance ourselves from each other. As long as we are ourselves, we can give him enough feedback to let him know that he needs to change the way he socializes.

Just after he has gradually corrected, should we relax and accept him again? This is where we can learn and grow.

How to deal with marginalized people?

Change takes time, and sometimes the teacher doesn't even notice the problem and doesn't deal with the marginal person's situation.

But as part of a group, we inevitably have to get along with marginalized people. So how do we deal with them?

There is actually no answer to this.

Strong people will confront them head-on, weak people will retreat, and the state of the whole class, the attitude of teachers, and the fundamental problems of marginalized people will all affect the way we get along with each other.

Therefore, how to get along with marginalized people is also something other students need to learn.

As I said before, there is bound to be a fringe in a group, and even if we remove him, another classmate will soon become an outlier. If we don't learn how to deal with marginalized people, we will become marginalized when we get rid of the last marginalized person.

In fact, humans are originally gregarious animals. Even if everyone has different personalities, they can always find a way to get along when they get together.

Therefore, as long as everyone goes with the flow, in fact, they can find a mode of getting along with marginalized people.

Moreover, we meet all kinds of people in our life, join all kinds of groups, and one day we will become marginalized people of a certain group.

Therefore, in the topic of "how to get along with people on the edge", we had better learn how to get along with both roles.

Summarize

When I teach, I always hope that my students will develop a skill:

Go to different groups, play different roles, but still maintain their own character.

In the future society cannot escape teamwork, so even people who are not good at socializing must learn some social skills and some unique social weapons.

Whether you want to work in a team or work alone, this is a lifestyle that students can choose in the future, and I will not interfere.

But if teamwork is unavoidable, whether my students have enough social skills, that's what I value.

Therefore, whether it is quiet and quiet, or lively and active, each person is just a different personality.

The edge is just a perfunctory name given to them when they don't know how to get along with us.