"Silent Contract": Those unspoken emotions become the silent mines of interpersonal relationships

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What is a "silent contract"?

The book "Silent Contract" is a book co-authored by three psychologists. They use a story as an example for each situation to show you step by step what to do and how to think so that you can practice being aware of what you don't say in your heart. The real feeling or need This feeling and need is the "silent contract" that the author wants to express

silent contract to oneself

It may be certain feelings or needs that cannot be expressed clearly, or it may be that these things are obvious to you, and others should know that causing you to unconsciously endure, give in, please, or even deliberately ignore uncomfortable feelings may be doing so to make yourself feel Gain temporary security or convince yourself that you should do so in order to meet certain standards or cultural expectations

The Silence Contract in Relationships

More like the so-called "unspoken rules"
Or "reading the air (empty 気を読む)" in Japanese culture
No one will speak up because everyone in the relationship will think that speaking up will destroy the harmony of the relationship

Silence contracts are everywhere

A silent contract, either with yourself or in relationships, is to some extent escaping communication, suppressing emotions, and cramming yourself into an ill-fitting frame.

Like Amei sang: "I'm most afraid that you will take silence as an answer to me~~~"
"So you don't want anything~~~"

Why is my sister afraid?

Because feelings and emotions are very personal and private. No one will know that taking silence as an answer is tantamount to closing the door of communication.

The special point of the writing style of this book is to encourage readers to not only find resonance from examples of cases, but also to package all such situations into a template of "silent contract" and make "communication" a SOP tool Including self-awareness, empathy and tolerance of one's own or others' feelings, appropriate sentence patterns, methods of response and review

After reading the whole book, my own feeling is,
Although the title of the book is called "Silence Contract"
But what the authors want to do is to use the method of "communication" to "break it, break it"
Break the "Contract of Silence"
Bring good changes to life

Every contract is an opportunity for communication

This "Silent Contract" is said to be a psychological popular science book, but it is more like a book that teaches you how to communicate well, including communicating with your own heart, communicating with others and ideal communication. For the authors, it is based on "the interactive relationship awareness

This awareness, I think is the most difficult part

Many questions in the book are very similar to what a psychologist would say in the counseling room when I went to counseling. It helped me to clarify and distinguish my current emotional state and possible reasons. Of course, reading a book cannot replace counseling, but it is listed here. Several questions are useful sentence patterns that you can usually ask yourself and practice self-awareness.

For example, in the section on personal mental health:

• What would I do that would make people see me as a victim of a medical condition?
• What steps can I take to stop seeing myself as a victim?
• How can I see myself as someone who is healthy enough to have a happy life?
• How can I learn that I am entitled to a life that is not defined by the burden of health?
• What do I need to do to live a health-conscious life?

Since I found out that I suffer from depression, in order to understand what depression is and what is going on in my life, I have started to read a lot of books on psychology, depression, and psychiatry.

"sick", or more precisely: "diagnosed"
In addition to the stigma of the disease, worrying that others have a different opinion of you, you have to accept "the fact of being a patient" is a long way to "express your needs" and become a behavior with a sense of shame. Some physical functions can no longer return From the past or the symptoms of psychosomatic disease, it has come, no one is talking about benevolence, righteousness and morality!
When faced with this loss of control over your life, try asking yourself the questions exemplified above.

Every question is difficult to answer at once. When the state is very low, if there is still energy,
For me, the most critical question is: "What else can I do?"
Maybe it is to ask yourself, maybe it is to discuss with the companions around you

From the most basic routine and daily life in life, "at least I have listened to a few paragraphs of books today"
"At least I went to Xiaoqi for two laps today, and said thank you and goodbye to the clerk."
"At least I practiced 15 minutes of rhythmic breathing today"

Start with a very small unit,
At least, don't keep burying new mines for yourself,
Accidentally stepping on the thunder and getting bruised and bruised, or having to bear the pain and the torment of the recovery period, these all require awareness, analysis, thinking and implementation of action plans to have the opportunity to bring about changes. "Change" is never easy.

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