Fragments of Life | Fear of being alone

Recently, I was reading the book "The World Worth" by Grandma Nakamura Koji, and I learned how to live with my 90-year-old grandma and see through life.

There is a philosophical saying from my grandmother: "Because I am too afraid of loneliness, I will cater to others, or compromise with others, which will make myself miserable." the lives of others".

At that time, I felt that I had "fear of having no friends anxiety disorder" (a term I came up with), because I was not outstanding in my appearance since I was a child, I have always been inferior, and I was afraid that I would be isolated, so I put people who I made friends with. all look important.

At that time, I met a group of his friends through the introduction of colleagues and friends from the old company. From time to time, they would take me out to party for tea, dance discs, nightclubs, watch movies, and even accompany others to catch rape, every morning in the early morning I didn't go home until three or four o'clock, and I slept for two or three hours while I was young, but it was really hurting my spirits.

And as long as they ask me, including borrowing money, as long as it is within my ability, I will agree. There are things I don't like and don't really want to do, but I do my best to cater to them.

But in the end, I found that I still couldn't get into their circle, I was just an ordinary friend who was easy to follow. One day I found out that they have a group on whatSapp, but I am not in it, they will celebrate each other's birthdays, but they not only did not celebrate for me, but also did not invite me to their birthday party, there is an important party without me For my sake, I was just a person who was pulled to make up the number of people in some unimportant gatherings.

Even so, I still compromised in my heart. Although I felt pain, I hypnotized myself to see nothing and didn’t know anything. Because I have never had so many friends, I am afraid that they will not find me, I will be alone, I am willing to smirk at them, and I am afraid that I will face the wall at home alone without friends.

This sort of thing repeats itself again. It wasn't until my father got sick that I spent most of my time with my family, accompanying and caring for them, only to realize that I really needed to focus on my family and my partner.

Friends are important, but not everything. Friends will come and go, but family will be gone.

At that time, I began to learn to adapt, what I could do when I was alone, and found that I would not be lonely when I was alone, and there were many things to do, such as reading, writing, watching dramas, and I also began to learn handwriting again (mobile phone movie Pinyin input more I forgot to write and it was ugly.) Writing handbooks, etc. The life is regular and the spirit is better. The most important thing is that I can finally save some money in the bank, instead of being a moonlight.

There are no more than 10 friends who are still around. They are friends who are really in contact. Although they don’t meet often, they will contact each other from time to time to care about the current situation of each other. Once they meet, there are endless topics to talk about.

Fortunately, before the outbreak of the new crown epidemic, I had adapted to staying at home most of the time, so after the outbreak of the new crown, due to the closure of the city or the subsequent epidemic prevention measures, people rarely meet and keep a distance from each other, I am not uncomfortable, because this is the my normal life.

Grandma Nakamura Koko also wrote in the book: "A person's life is basically a person's life."

Although human beings need to live in groups, we have families, children, partners, friends and colleagues, but everyone is actually self-employed. What happens to us needs to be solved and faced by ourselves, and no one can pay 100% attention. You should also be prepared that maybe one day, after everyone around you has left us, you will live on your own.