Lily Chen
Lily Chen

我用文字理解自己和這個世界給我的種種感受,唯有靜下來好好寫些什麼的時候,我覺得自己最像自己,已經不必再有任何心理狀態的偽裝。 也歡迎來追蹤我的方格子帳號:https://vocus.cc/user/5be04756fd89780001719c13

|[Fiction] Breath| — A good goodbye

"I heard that I was pronounced dead...it still feels so unreal." Masako couldn't believe that she really died like this, thinking of Yangtai's good night kiss last night, the kiss on the eyebrows felt moist and cold; Yangtai came home from get off work the night before. The hug has the sweat and body odor of the man she loves in her life; the home-style beef noodles can only be tasted in the hut she and Yang Tai love; the Jazz style that she listened to with Yang Tai on Valentine's Day "A Goog Goodbye" is also memorable.

Attach the link portal: [Fiction] Breath Chapter 1 - Drying Clothes


 Recap:

One morning, the sun was warm, and Ya Zi was washing and drying clothes on the balcony. However, for a moment, she felt that her body kept falling down. Then, Ya Zi could not smell any scent in the world, as if the scent of the whole world had disappeared, Even the smell that Yang Tai would emit when he sleeps is gone. . . .


Read this with the beautiful song "A good goodbye"! The title of this chapter of my novel wants to pay tribute to this song I love, with a beautiful lyrics that makes me addicted: .

We don't always get a chance

For that one last glance

The world turns too fast

Today soon turns to the past

See now my dear how already

Already our time has come


Looking back at that time, I listened to this song and wrote this novel, and while writing it, I shed tears. At that time, I was really sad, so afraid of losing, so afraid of death, so I had to hide in my story and use this The story learns to say goodbye tenderly, learn to find the power of love, and learn to cherish your tears and everything in front of you with no choice.


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# Ch 2 A good goodbye

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash


At about ten o'clock in the morning, Yang Tai finally woke up, and he was still a little sleepy, reaching out and stroking the bed on the left side where Masako was used to sleeping, and was about to get up.


The sunlight came in through a small slit in the curtain, the light and shadow on the ceiling changed as usual, and Masako was lying on the bed on the left hand side of Yangtai with that pair of souls and looking at his profile, she was waiting, waiting for Yangtai to discover that She may have died, and she was very afraid of seeing that scene, so today, she really hoped that Yangtai could stay in bed for a while longer.


"Yako-Yako-" Yangtai turned over on the bed, he called Yazi's name in a coquettish manly tone, and he hoped that Yazi could walk into the room after hearing it, even if he came with a spatula.


People always wake up in the most vulnerable state, and try to fall asleep in the most comfortable position. For Yang Tai, he just wants to hug the woman he loves after waking up, so that he can make his The heart has a place to go today.


The mattress vibrated and heaved as Yangtai turned over. Masako sat up and looked anxiously at Yangtai's baby-like face. This scene seemed familiar like every morning.


However, just when Masako stretched out her hand to touch the warm face, her consciousness returned to the reason of "I am dead". "Why? Why? Don't people disappear after they die? Why do I have to watch my beloved face grief?" Masako covered her mouth and cried.


"Mako-Mako-" Yangtai called out Masako's name again, but this time his voice was a little louder.


"Yotai, don't you love to stay in bed? I won't call you today, and I won't disturb you! Just sleep a little longer! You really want to sleep...., you really want to sleep..." Masako He was restless and restless on the bed, thinking about the hypnotic superpower that he thought he would have if he became a ghost, but unfortunately, Yota's sleepiness seemed to have gradually dissipated.


Several minutes passed, and as time passed, Yang Tai stared at the light and shadow of the pot of stigma in the corner of the room. The shadow stretched the leaves like magic. The light and shadow were quiet, and the room was silent and quiet. of.


In the short seconds, Masako suddenly realized that she and Yangtai seemed to be in two different worlds, because from the beginning, the sheets she had been lying on were not dented, and the pillows she had pillowed on were not wrinkled, even just now. She jumped up from the bed excitedly, and the boxspring didn't move.


"Everything is different! It's different from what I imagined, and it's different from what we said at the beginning..." Masako whimpered and cried at a loss, and the more she cried, the more upset she became.


Can't wait for Masako's response, Yangtai recovered from the light and shadow in the room, and sat up slowly, he took a deep breath, the gas filled his chest and lungs at that moment, this breath awakened some cells in the body, Yang Tai stretched and noticed that his body felt stiff from lying down all night. However, when he woke up to dawn last night, he slept fairly well, and there was still Yazi's scent on the pillow.


"Mako-Mako-" Yangtai shouted, while patrolling the various parts of the house to see if there was a figure of Masako? He walked out of the bedroom first, walked to the bathroom, walked to the dining room, passed the kitchen, and finally came to the balcony.


Along the way, Masako followed Yang Tai closely, but it was a pity that there was only one person's rhythm in the footsteps.


Yazi closed her eyes, lowered her head and covered her entire face with her hands. She subconsciously wanted to escape the scene she didn't want to see, but what should come will come eventually. Yazi endured heartache and stared at her. Yangtai, who was kneeling on the ground with big eyes, was deeply distressed.


"Why can't sadness and pain let go of the dead and the living? I'm all dead.... What do you want me to do?!" Masako collapsed and knelt down with Yang Tai, she shouted to the sky Cursing, the falling tears are like silent accusations, however, now she doesn't care about her life or death at all, even if she once thought that her departure would make her beloved sad, but she didn't expect it to be this helpless again. Helpless look.


"Mako! ...... Masako! ......" Yang Tai panicked and called Masako lying on the ground at a high decibel, and rushed over to put her head on his chest, there was a sudden sign on Masako's forehead In addition to the blood that had passed out and hit, Yangtai could barely feel the ups and downs of Masako's breathing.


Perhaps, the plot of death in this scene has not fully unfolded in rhythm, but Masako's emotions have been completely frightened, but even if the situation is too bad to be handled, she does not feel that she deserves any comfort now, relative to this, At this moment, she just wanted to hug Yangtai, who wanted to compete with the god of death - "People who know that people can't conquer the sky, but don't give up any hope and are struggling on the edge of death are not fools, they just want to believe too much that miracles will happen in the world" .


Yang Tai was embarrassed to call the number of the ambulance, and it was the first time Masako saw that Yang Tai, who was usually as stable as Mount Tai, even reported his own address in a mess.


"Yes...Yes..., I'm going to do CPR..." Yangtai put Masako back on the ground, tidied her up to lie down, and grabbed a man who seemed to be able to stabilize her reason in the chaotic thoughts. Things - "I just want Masako to live well".

While sweating profusely, Yang Tai tried his best to make his CPR count sound regular, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6....30..." However, every time he pressed his chest on Masako, Yang Tai was extremely afraid. On the one hand, he was afraid of breaking the thin and thin Masako's ribs. On the other hand, he was even more afraid that Masako would never wake up again.


"I'm here! I'm here! Yangtai, I'm here." Masako knew that even if he shouted hoarsely, Yangtai couldn't hear his voice, but why did he not believe in evil? Why don't you just give up without doing anything?


The sound of the ambulance sounded terrifying, and the high and low frequencies made it hard to imagine how this tone could connect so many scenes of near death, especially, the most chilling thing was when the sound came to a sudden stop in front of my house, that kind of sound. Fear like being named by the god of death, Yangtai was almost unable to bear it.


"Yotai, I'm here, I'm here!" Masako used another identity belonging to the spiritual world to wave his hands and feet at Yangtai, who was in a hurry to get into the ambulance, and the moment the ambulance door closed, he penetrated in without opening the door. .


"Am I a ghost? Or a god? Isn't this amazing?!" Masako felt incredible about her light body that could travel between any objects at will, and she was not used to it, but this sense of wonder was immediately felt. She was completely disillusioned when she wanted to touch Yota's shoulder without the slightest touch.


"Why? Why? Why can't Yangtai feel me?" Although this question still had to be asked and answered by herself, Masako realized that she might be dying, and she still struggled and felt sad when she realized that she was losing the connection with the person she loved. .


"Is that what it's all about to die? It turns out that, compared to the physical and unbearable pain, the most torturous part of going to death is to watch the people you want to love in this world unhappy." Yazi was stunned after crying, thinking silently, "Why does my heart still hurt so much when everyone is dead? Does the "heart" continue to beat if it is not a living person? Then my heart hurts...what the hell is this? "


After Yangtai watched Masako enter the operating room, he couldn't help trembling, and he slumped in the aisle where people came and went. When the sadness had reached the point where he could no longer see the tears, the tears that dried up were like splashes on his face. Sulfuric acid, stinging and burning, "Mako..., Masako may really leave me", Yang Tai couldn't control his annoying intuition in his body.


"Everyone wants to believe in 'good things', but is optimism sometimes unable to resist the cruelty of reality? Especially when the doctors and nurses saw Masako's expression just now, it's them... They make me feel that death has died It's here." The chaotic thoughts seemed to knock Yotai's head off in the next second.


Masako watched her body be sent to the operating room, but she didn't want to go anywhere now, she just wanted to stay by Yangtai's side, even if Yangtai didn't know her existence, she still wanted to stay like this.


Time passed by for a long time. Because of unhappiness, time was labeled as a concrete grid. Every minute, Masako felt that he was struggling to move forward on the iron net full of thorns.


"Think of the happy times we've had!" Masako whispered in Yota's ear, resting her head lightly on the spot of his temple.


"Sano Masako passed away at 12:42 on January 12, 1987. Please condolences to the family." Masako's soul and Yota, who had been in the operating room for a long time and lost their souls, heard the news of Masako's death.


"What?! That's it?!" Yangtai rubbed his forehead with the palm of his hand, letting his messy hair collapse with him. The instant impact blurred all the voices, cars and hospital machines around him.


"I heard that I was pronounced dead...it still feels so unreal." Masako couldn't believe that she really died like this, thinking of Yangtai's good night kiss last night, the kiss on the eyebrows felt moist and cold; Yangtai came home from get off work the night before. The hug has the sweat and body odor of the man she loves in her life; the home-style beef noodles can only be tasted in the hut she and Yang Tai love; the Jazz style that she listened to with Yang Tai on Valentine's Day "A Goog Goodbye" is still memorable.


On that day, she remembered that they hugged for a long time, and happily danced a dance that could not be called which international dance step belonged to! Even if they were just hugging each other and swaying, even if the sky was about to collapse, they were fortunate to have each other's stability for at least the first second.


"However, if you're not here, the sky will collapse!" Masako gave up the sobbing sound of seeking help from the outside world. She was clearly aware that she and Yang Tai were now facing the shattering of their respective lives in different time and space.


Every day of life, every sense is like a diary, receiving and recording all kinds of feelings for the one you love! Masako looked at the grief-stricken Yang Tai and couldn't wipe his tears for him, and couldn't even scold him to cheer up. All of this made the dead her feel helpless and lonely.


Masako looked at his hand, which only had the form of a spirit and no touch function, and suddenly seemed to understand that he was losing this sense-the senses of life, first touch, taste, smell, and then sight and hearing?


When we have something and are too used to taking it for granted, it is difficult for us to realize what we should cherish? Because that kind of existence is not an option, we thought that kind of existence would always be there, and we don’t even know how to pick it up and put it in our hearts to feel it. However, just like the movie “If the cat in this world disappeared "The plot is like - when the ordinary and seemingly inconspicuous rather than unimportant things disappear, we will find that there is no such thing as a reason.


"I can see, hear, eat something, and the drain smells bad..., so these are the rights that I only had when I was alive, I really don't take them seriously. "Yako muttered to herself inexplicably sadly, and looked at Yangtai for a long time and couldn't help herself. She tried hard to remember Yangtai's appearance, because Yazi was really afraid that the next second, her vision might no longer exist. .


< To be continued >


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