[Matters 88] Trash fish incinerator

Stuck in a tangle that's why I'm writing and making it public.

Especially a few days ago, there was a lot of discussion about writing. In addition to making me think about what kind of works I think are good and meaningful, I also consider what the meaning of writing and publishing is, and whether I should continue to let myself text is seen.

Writing down this entanglement here seems stupid at first glance, because the basis of writing in Matt City is to publish it publicly and let people see it, or just open the document and write it on the computer. But I am still writing here, and even throwing out a piece of text that is not very elegant and has no connotation, but I still talk about entanglement. Where is the logic?

Just because this is a confused article seeking guidance.

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There are always moments when I wonder if I might be dishonest in the eyes of others. Even this kind of introspective and open behavior is strange and painful, but I have to say that whenever I enter a group, I am always extremely sensitive to find clues that I am hated.

It's not that I'm afraid of being hated by others , but I just think that instead of getting in the way, making people frown and trying to be hated, I prefer that no one knows me. After all, to be honest, I am a person who hates myself. Even though I have read a lot of related articles for a long time and tried to heal myself, I have not been very successful. Most of the time is dark, so it's not "why live dark and lowly" but "for me, I don't exist in this world, even if you can see me". Yes, I don't exist, and I always feel that I shouldn't exist.

It is this fundamental contradiction that leaves me at a loss, often not knowing how to do things that seem natural to others. However, this fundamental contradiction, it has to be said, has inexplicably become a source of energy for a lot of nonsense, including writing essays, writing novels, or doing any artistic creation.

I remember that in many travel journals I wrote that I wanted to live in seclusion, I wanted to live in silence with the world, I wanted to simply read and then write, so why do I still post? Another embarrassing point is that in fact, since January, I have secretly promised myself that I can quickly become an admiring citizen, but because there are still economic considerations, I have not put it into action and really support the system. Every time I come up, I always feel very uncomfortable. It's self slap in the face, always thinking: why can't even this small goal be achieved. Another point is that because I wanted to be an appreciative citizen at first, and later found out that I could use Likecoin to support it, and I accidentally discovered that there seem to be some life sharing, or travel articles, I can know more about the people in the community that I didn’t know in the past. People, so casually wandering among various themes, but this mode also makes me feel more and more confused and chaotic.

Although there is a very small voice in my heart, just write it easily, just write whatever you want. But the small goal in my heart could not be achieved, it still made me despise myself, and I fell into a deeper entanglement. In addition, I wanted to use Likecoin to buy praise citizens (but can this really help this platform? Coin support is really effective) So later I became a bit grandstanding and wrote articles, in short, I fell into a situation where I didn’t know what I was doing.

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If you let go of all distractions first, what kind of article would you like to present?

The main thing, I think, is the novel, which is my love. Then there are the more blunt, research- or past-professional-related reading records.

But because of some considerations, I finally decided to suspend it. At the beginning, I stopped publishing, mainly because I was afraid of copyright issues. Even if I didn't write well, I still cared about copyright. I have always said in my heart, "If you are interested in eating, it is not bad." But I always knew that writing for dinner is a very lucky thing, so I also understand that I must find a job, after all, I have to continue Live it.... So later I just kept writing silently, writing all the time, and then doing what I needed to do at other times.

It’s just that it’s been a continuous, and the intensity of writing novels in the past few months, the more I write, the more I find that the problem that has always existed in my heart and the self-doubt keep hitting me, and the core problem is—“The novel/ Will the story ever be written out? ” Especially, in the era of extremely information flow, all kinds of strange stories are always expanding my cognitive boundaries. Being subverted in cognition is one shock, and being subverted in performance is another shock, and even knowing that he should have many shocks that he has not encountered. So I asked myself, where are the boundaries of fiction/story/creation? And I can't even finish reading the classics of the past (this issue has also been discussed by many people), so why do I still write and choose the form of a novel? These are all tangled in my heart, but writing a novel seems to be a kind of soul calling.

Although I have been exploring the works of my predecessors for a long time and analyzing and reflecting on how I wrote it would be better, but the world is too big, and what I can explore should not be one-thousandth. Therefore, on the road of writing novels, I became more and more aware of myself. Just moaning.

Because of the accumulation of one-point strokes, it is natural to divide them a little inwardly. In my mind, I naturally desire to be able to write a certain level of works that can be composed of middle and upper levels, but at the moment it is at most slightly middle and lower levels, and the rest are trash . Therefore, after writing another 400,000 words, I suddenly realized, no, if I continue to write like this, even if I write for ten years, even if I continue to expand my cognitive boundaries and conduct thought experiments to some extent, or through reading All kinds of texts are analyzed and self-corrected, and they also have valuable healing effects, but will writing this way improve? It's a bit unfaithful (on the contrary, no one reads it and doesn't plan to submit it for publication because it feels poorly written. It's very Buddhist. No one reads it and put it on the hard disk, and it may be deleted one day and don't care much.)

Although writing novels is a little more special to me, it is still the same as playing the piano in essence. It is just a process in life and an amateur game. It's just like playing the piano and wishing to be more diligent, and there are also some goals (for example, to practice certain songs later), and there are also some goals in the novel, but this goal is extremely vague.

At this moment of confusion, I received a letter from Mrs. @Ningxiangbai. In addition to suggesting that I can make an e-book, she also gave me some guidelines, especially encouraging me to build a perimeter together, and mentioned the core concept of a perimeter, that is: building a perimeter allows the platform to have the opportunity to receive fiat currency to obtain substantial support. This made me think that if you can support the platform through the fireplace, it doesn't seem like a bad thing... (Of course, the most wanted is to become a citizen of appreciation, because there is a strange logic in my heart, that is to become a citizen of appreciation first, Then I will see if I need to build a furnace. Although I need to consider the economic situation now, I can't accept that I only take and don't pay, which is why I have seen so many interesting community activities that I want to write but don't. Write, because it is the platform's resources that support the entire community activity, and I have not paid anything for that resource.)

In addition, she also proposed that the concept of a folder can be generated through the stove, that is, after clicking on the stove, all of them can be novels without essays, which is consistent with my ideal (ie, clean reading). And because of these two things I started to think...

If, if there is such a furnace, it is constructed by burning some trashy fish novels, then it will not be an eyesore?

Moreover, if this furnace is built, the alien creature that is responsible for guarding the furnace, the fish cat, hopes that the people who come to read can "criticize" well, will anyone think it? 😳

In fact, if the furnace is really built, what I hope is:

1. Have a reading environment that is not disturbed by the creation of other essays.

2. To be able to meet people who like novels , and then hope to receive harsh but constructive criticism (uh... that means, in fact, regarding the latter, it is difficult to admit to oneself, because criticism is very labor -intensive, and it is conceivable that there are Who would want to put a lot of effort into the trash? >"< But I still hope to have the opportunity to be pointed...)

And because I know that the furnace now has an invitation function (that is, readers are free to enter the furnace, although doing so does not seem to be able to help the platform... tangled again), it may be more inclined to the former, that is, to create a fan who likes to read novels, but It will not be disturbed by other miscellaneous articles, and more or less, it should be able to protect the copyright a little (anyway, it will be burned after a certain period of time after entering the furnace.)

And a superficial plan for the firewood for the stove: that is...about the length of a novel (6-70,000 words or more) per month.

However, all of the above are still tangled in thinking, and I haven't really had the courage to start the furnace (especially, I have been wondering if doing so will take up resources or be considered deadly for money ...but it's not like that>"<Just I want to have a slightly separated reading space, and then someone can communicate a little...) However, if it is said that the furnace is really created in the end, it will really be called the trash fish incinerator - the furnace for burning trash fish novels.

I also want to ask all the great gods to give some opinions🙏🏻 The original intention is really to thank this platform, because there is always coexistence and common prosperity in any community 🥺