Be easy on the self
今天开学第一天。清早去见了咨询师。
从早晨的梦说起。梦的地点不太确定，应该是在加村。我从一栋危楼里出来，遇见他蹲在地上工作。他见了我，没说话。已经很久没见了，且隔得这么远。我戴上眼镜，确认了眼前的人是他。就问他，看见我为什么不和我说话。他依旧没有说话。后来闹钟响了，就醒了。
他极冷淡。我不想像他一样，但事实是，我长成了和他一样冷。Being indifferent, irresponsive, numb, and dead. 咨询师说, It makes sense. Children learn to adapt and do what the parents want to keep the relation. 可以理解，但并不接受。
The way I am is there for a reason. Inertia is there for a reason. The self does not want to be forced to do things. Feeling drained after getting close to someone temporarily is reasonable, because it is something I am not used to. The tiredness does not disqualify the experience, and does not make it wrong. It is not natural, so it takes efforts. The critical voice also exists for a reason. Thinking and feeling something does not mean it is real or true. Mistakes are normal and humane. Stepping back is normal, and that is just another step in one's progress. The brain, the auto-pilot, the automatic self, is just being overactive, overly helpful, or overly protective. Just be easy on the self. Unhhok the self from that "natural" part. Trust and empower the conscious self. Allow the conscious self to make decisions.
有趣的是，咨询师可以理解我讲的内容，又总是从一个些许不同的、更宽容的、更compassionate的角度，会让我也想对自己更compassionate.