【Psychology 101】Understand your heart

Have you ever complained to a friend and he said, "I totally get it!"

And you really want to give him a sentence: "You understand? Do you really understand?"

"I totally understand you" is a foul language most of the time.

Sometimes, troubled people don't even understand their own mood. Have you ever tried to feel bad, but can't tell the reason why you feel bad?

For example, you feel depressed after blaming your boss.

The most superficial reason is that you may feel that the boss is useless, or you may feel that it is unfair, but it may also be that you don’t like the job at all, or you may feel that the job is not good enough, and so on. You only know that your mood is low, but you don't know why you are so unhappy.

When encountering greater difficulties, such as the death of a loved one or a breakup, etc., the unbearable depression is something that even I can't understand.

Then you go to someone to complain, maybe you want someone to listen to your thoughts. Sometimes, expressing your thoughts to another person can actually help you sort out your thoughts and emotions.

Unexpectedly, after you said a few words, the other party said, "I understand~"

"I understand~" sometimes makes people feel that the other party wants to end the topic - because the subtext seems to be: "You don't need to say anymore, I completely understand."

Of course, I believe that when a friend complains to us, we really want to comfort each other, not to make the other person stop talking. Sometimes, we unconsciously say the phrase "I fully understand how you feel", and as soon as we grow up When watching TV dramas and listening to adults talking, I often see other people use this "line" to comfort each other. Second, sometimes we can't think of what to say. That "I understand" is actually just "Oh" the meaning of……

However, please try to remind yourself that in most cases, this sentence will not only fail to comfort the other party, but will make the other party feel that you do not understand him and that you despise his unhappiness, especially when the other party is already depressed and there are only negative thoughts in his mind. When thinking, this sentence "I understand" may only feel unimportant.

There are also times when you think you really understand, and you may think, "You are not me, do you know that I don't know the joy of fish?"

It's just that when you think back on your own experience, how many times have others said "I understand" and you feel that the other party really understands you?

The phrase "I totally understand", even if I have always understood that I can't say it easily, especially sometimes when the problem the other party is facing is very similar to the one I have encountered, I will sometimes slip my mouth when I accidentally say it. But, no matter how similar the problem is to the one you encountered, each of us grew up in a different background and handles things differently, so it’s actually difficult to really fully understand the other person’s situation.

The best comfort is to listen and accompany; words, in fact, really need not say more.

I hope this article can make you fully understand why you shouldn't say "I totally understand" when comforting others!