Closed Diary 9: Growth Recession

Occasionally you lie down to hibernate, but don't get discouraged, just take it as a rest

This month's diary has dragged on for a long time, and I considered stopping writing during the period. Usually I conceive the theme mid-to-end of the month and then finish it at the end of the month or the beginning of the next month. This month, however, I couldn't find any motivation to pick up a pen, which hasn't happened in the past eight months.

"It would be a pity to miss one article, but it's good to give yourself a rest.", "I've worked hard until now, why don't I just give up?" Compared with struggling to pull, it's more powerless to find the motivation to pick up the pen. , because I don't know what to do at all. I still don't have any ideas until the end of the month.

It wasn't until one day in the next month that I accidentally remembered the words in the book and seemed to realize something:

"Growing is an eerie forward movement—two steps forward, one step back. Remember this, and be gentle with yourself. Growth can suddenly accelerate. You'll lay down and hibernate occasionally, but don't get discouraged, just take it as a rest." (Excerpted from "Creation, a Journey of Spiritual Healing")

It turned out that some of the things I really wanted to do well could not see progress this month.

I devoted myself to creating, but the results were not as expected; I wanted to improve my relationship with my mother, but I became more irritable and irritable; I couldn’t sort myself out emotionally and hurt the other person.

I resist facing these facts in my journal, it makes me feel bad and I don't want to accept it. But this is only part of the truth, not all. The truth is:

• I began to enjoy painting, and felt that my inner demon of "fear of not being able to paint well" was loosened, although it didn't go well every time. I also entered the creation of picture books and finished the first edition. There's still a lot to be said for the results, so it's a bit frustrating. After overcoming some difficulties, I did not expect that there is still a long way to go. But this time I really have to practice, not just talk.
• The time with the mother has increased, so there has been a lot of friction. I haven't been able to talk properly yet, but I found a common topic "cooking". Gradually, there is some tacit understanding in daily life: she helps me to water the flowers when I wake up late, I help her to take care of grandma when I go out...and so on. I try to pull away my emotions and express my thoughts in words without accusation.
• Emotionally trying to let go of some of the things that hurt me, but can't quite let it go. Bought a few books for this. Tried to feel, understand, but still feel confused. Made some changes and tweaks, although (in terms of results) it doesn't seem like there are.

Things have improved, there have been different attempts and breakthroughs. It's progressing, it's just not going in a good direction all the time. I took two steps forward, and now I take one step back.

I thought growth was only going forward and not going backwards - if you were going backwards, then it was going backwards as a whole - no, that's not it. Growth is a long and gradual process, with forward and backward alternating. When the continuous and steady progress is greater than the retreat, we will see significant growth, but it does not mean that behind the growth "only forward".

Because I am in the stage of "taking a step back", I only see and zoom in on the part that is not good enough in the description, and regard it as the result. I don't realize that I have made a lot of progress from the original self, and everything is still in progress. . .

Growth is an eerie forward movement—two steps forward, one step back. Remember this and be gentle with yourself.

(Thanks for the habit of writing a diary, so that I can see the real appearance again.)

Achievement of the month (2020/07)

• Illustrations: 12+10 (the numbers behind refer to picture books)
• Picture book: After completing a sample, there are many places that need to be adjusted, and try another drawing method. The drawing of the other book is a bit stagnant, but I have already figured out how the story will end.
• Music: "Later" has not been able to sing well, so I changed to "Dedication"
• Articles: 0
• Reading: "Chat with a Tree and Listen to His Philosophy of Life", "Thinking Child", "There is a Kind of Breakup Called No Regret", "Joint Creation", "Family Book", "Creation is Spiritual Healing" journey of"
• Cuisine: Homemade yogurt, basil lemon juice, herb water, self-grown omelette
• Number of days at home: 20 days
• Enjoy the morning walk 🏃‍♀️ and start going to bed early for it
• Swimming in the nose corner and Waimu Mountain, the swimming skills have improved significantly 🧜‍♀️
• Camping on Lukiping Ancient Road🏕, watching fireflies, watching snakes, catching shrimps, soaking in streams
• Climb the Dakeng Trail
• Climbing Elephant Mountain at night
• Participated in the forest cover party and burned a wooden bowl 🌲
• Sign up for the class "Picture Book Lessons You Only Know When You Do It"

"Retirement Diary" is a diary that I started serializing after I left my job at the age of 30, one piece per month. Interested can follow : Facebook   ｜ Instagram   ｜ Medium