When parents leave... After reading "The Orphan of Adults"

Around the end of last year, I received a lot of news of my peers passing away, some because of accidents, some because of illness. Although these people I have never met, and many of them are friends of friends, I am still very surprised. I'm no stranger to death, but those who often leave are older elders, not their peers.

Therefore, I started to understand things about death, such as funeral expenses, related movies such as "Enter the Master", etc. During the process of understanding, I suddenly realized that, in fact, it was mine that was closer to death than me. parents.

Under the recommendation of the Internet, I found a book called "Adult Orphans"

The name Adult Orphan is so funny, you rarely see them put together. Orphan - This special status reminds those around him that this little child needs special care, but if an orphan is an adult, we will not call him/her an orphan, because adults can take care of themselves, so we It is seldom considered that if an adult loses both parents, care is also required.

I remember when my grandmother left, my mother went to work as usual. When I was young, I didn't notice the difference between my parents. After reading this book, I realized that although they still looked very strong, they also needed help and care in their hearts.

1. I'm no longer anyone's child

This is the title of the first section of the book.

When I saw this title, my heart was like a thunderbolt, my breath became short, and my mind flashed through the bits and pieces of my parents and my joys and pains, if they go, I will How helpless it would be, and this is just imagining.

The death of a parent is a required lesson in our lives, and we often forget about it, and until a while ago, I still thought I was still a long way from the death of my parents.

But life still keeps giving you signs that today your mother's hair is a little whiter than it used to be, father forgot the food he bought in the supermarket, they started walking a lot slower, often complaining of body aches, etc. until You can't ignore.

"The Orphan" presents a truth about life that most people are reluctant to face.

In the end, we are no longer anyone's children.

2. Next is my turn

Parents have long been the veil between us and death, and even though we understand that life is short and that death comes to everyone fairly, there is always the illusion that death is far from us because our parents are alive.

When this illusion is ruthlessly broken, in addition to facing grief, we also have to face the fear of death, which forces us to think about life. Are there many things that really matter? Are we going with the flow?

A psychologist once said: "We don't really grow up until our parents leave.

How do we live and do the right thing when we find ourselves alone in the forest of life, with no one around to point us in the right direction or reduce our anxiety? This is an unexpected lesson for us.

3. Ways to live through grief

In the face of this huge loneliness and sadness, many people will be very helpless and troubled. The book provides several useful methods. The most important principle is "small and simple", dismantling huge sadness, such as if Thinking that you don't know how to spend the rest of your life, first think about how to spend the next second, the next minute, the next hour, and the next day, and dismantle it to a tolerable level.

If there is no motivation to work, deal with simple things first. For example, if I can’t go to work, can I go to breakfast first? If I have no appetite, can I get up first? Keep breaking things down into tolerable situations, we You don't have to get rid of grief all at once.

4. Take precautions and take the initiative to face

I think proactively engaging with limited pain can help us face the inevitable goodbyes more bravely.

In order to prevent illness, we first need to inject inactive germs into our bodies. It is beneficial to be exposed to pain in advance in a safe environment. Try to live independently, help parents manage family affairs, discuss or read with parents This book etc. are very helpful.

Later, I asked my mother about the death of my grandmother, her thoughts and how to get through this difficult time, etc. She said that she was also very sad at the time, but she insisted on thinking of taking care of us, so she always hoped that I would quickly Getting married and having a baby because she thought it would help me through what she was going through. (Sudden Tathagata urged marriage 0_0!!!)

Thank you for making me think of talking to my mother about this book. This book has few pages. I read it for half an hour every day, and I finished it in a week. I recommend everyone to read it.

Finally, thanks to my parents.