Fear of "making mistakes" and pointing "mistakes" to others shows that we can't accept who we really are

Most of us were born and raised in an environment where mistakes are not allowed. And this "wrong", many times we don't know where we are wrong, and we don't know who is at fault. In short, parents (authorities) tell us that is wrong, that is wrong.

As far as I can remember, my earliest "mistakes" were probably around the age of three. I remember one day, when I happily ran home from the door, I "accidentally" knocked over a small stool not far from the door as soon as I entered.

"Look at it!" My father's loud "rebuke" made me stunned. I carefully picked up the stool and put it away, then walked over to the bed with my head down and sat down. There were times when I felt like my neck was so sore that it was about to break, but I just wouldn't look up. On the one hand, I was afraid to look up because I didn’t know how to face my father’s gaze; on the other hand, I was secretly competing with myself: “I just don’t look up, I want you to talk to me first.” There is nothing wrong, but I am not sure that I am not wrong.

Finally, I don't know how long it took, and when I felt my neck was so sore that it was about to break, my mother came over. I thought my mother would come to comfort me, but in the end, she said, "I keep my head down, like a fly without a head. Lift up..." When I was very difficult (because the nerves in my cervical spine were paralyzed), I slowly When I raised my head and glanced at my father secretly out of the corner of the eye, he didn't look at me.

In the past, I used to try to remember what I did wrong?! I tried to remember that scene - the position of the stool could not have been placed there. Because usually no one wants to sit in the middle of a door. I figured there must have been an argument between my parents and my father kicked it into that spot with my feet, just in time for me to run into the house and knock it down. When my father said "look a little bit", on the one hand he really wanted my attention, but on the other hand he was getting angry, so I felt more reproach than concern, thinking he was reprimanding me; my mother was in the back room for a long time It didn't come out, and her "concern" for me after she came out was just another way of "sarcasm and scolding."

Looking back now, although that was the only "loud rebuke" my father had ever given to me, and although he had long since forgotten that moment, it was always deeply imprinted in my heart; although I now know that it was my mother" Love and care" a person's way, but I still feel very sorry for that young me.

In my memory, I have never coddled with my parents like other children, and my parents have never loved me the way other parents have loved their children. They had very little physical contact with me, and verbally only demands and orders. As a result, I was always timid and lonely as a child.

In my impression, I just obediently did everything they said; in their impression, I was just an "obedient good boy", nothing more.

Of course, I don't hate them today. Because I know that they who grew up in a vertical relationship are also "victims".

Every child who is afraid of making mistakes grows up in a family where mistakes are not allowed; every family that does not allow mistakes constitutes a society where mistakes are not allowed.

Because mistakes are not allowed, everyone is afraid of making mistakes, so everyone pursues only one goal - to avoid "mistakes" as much as possible, not how to grow better.

What's more, most people don't know exactly where the "wrong" is; because mistakes are not allowed, there is no growth at all.

Humans can grow and progress only through mistakes, and not allowing them to make mistakes means entering death the moment they stop growing and progressing. As a result, there are more and more giant babies of all ages, which are so "replicated" from generation to generation; thus, everyone lives in mutual exclusion, numbness, rigidity and helplessness.

Just when we are afraid of "making mistakes" and are used to pointing all "mistakes" at others, it also shows that we cannot accept our true self. Because when we point our index finger at others, more fingers are pointing at ourselves; even when we use words to attack others, we are also using those words to attack ourselves.

"Social and cultural factors have a significant impact on human spirit and behavior. The impact of childhood on individual development will be restricted by the environment. Each of us contains a set of 'established potential', when the environment of growth is full of Loving and affectionate, this set of 'predetermined potential' will be stimulated and developed in a healthy way. When the growth environment lacks love and is full of accusations and doubts, then the child's growth will deviate from the development path of the true self." Psychological Scientist Karen Honey has written so.

Then, under the premise of being powerless to change the society and the family of origin, the only thing we can do is to find our true self. This is the only way to resolve inner conflict and gain inner harmony and wholeness.

If we have been wronged in our childhood, we must affirm our innocence and forgive those who have wronged us, because they are not intentional, they are just ignorant;

If we are blamed or even physically punished for not meeting someone's expectations as children, we tell ourselves, "I'm already great, it's not my responsibility to satisfy their desires, it's their own problem, they have to do it themselves. Face it and take it. I love and approve of myself, and I choose to forgive them";

If we really did something harmful to the interests of others because we were ignorant in childhood, we should tell ourselves: "I forgive the ignorant self at that time, he has already suffered the consequences for this, and I accept myself as I am. I am special and unique, I am welcome and worthy of love, and I can love others. Now, I am free to love and live happily, I am willing to change and grow, to create a safe place for myself , a new future...

To condemn, exclude, and reject oneself is actually to regard the true self as an "enemy"; it is to always stand on the opposite side to attack and defeat the self. And as a result, deeper self-blame, self-rejection, self-loathing, and self-harm.

Please don't see yourself in pieces, because life is whole. A flower, even if a petal is withered, is still full of life; a bird, even if a feather is lost, it is still full of life; a tree, even if a thick branch is broken, it is still full of life a complete life.

You know, as the "big self" of life, it can never make mistakes, and it will never make mistakes. The journey of life existed long before the beginning of time and space, and it will never end. Everything is a journey. It is the perfect being in the universe. Because "I"'s journey never ends, whatever happens should happen. And "I" have two choices, one is to embrace and enjoy what happens, and the other is to reject and complain about them.

Only the "ego" can "make mistakes". An "ego" that limits me only in the mind will either make this "mistake" or that kind of "mistake". Even if the "ego" is not wrong at all, he will worry that he will one day make mistakes, will perform poorly, will be rejected, will be rejected, will be this, will be that... And all this comes from dissatisfaction with yourself. But all dissatisfaction with oneself is a manifestation of desire. And all desires come from that "mind" that we believe in.

There is only one reason we want to pursue anything, and that is to make ourselves happy. But what we don't know is that fundamentally, the way the universe works has always been set up to make us happy, and yet we always do the exact opposite of what it intended - to split, to oppose, to separate, to judge.

No one is preventing us from becoming a better life, it is we ourselves who have been blocking the goodwill of the universe and stubbornly sinking into the dark currents.

Please show tolerance, patience and love to yourself, and accept yourself who has been wronged, accused, abused, corporal punishment, or even made some "mistakes" or "mistakes". Know that "fault" or "mistake" is not sin, it is not sin, and it is not "I". Please don't equate "fault" or "mistake" with "I" - this life. What we need to change is the way of thinking and behavior, not the life.

Author: One person, one world, a yoga astrologer who uses psychology to heal himself.

Personal Blog: HeartRoad.org

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