"Original Novel" Purple Bow Chapter 1 "The Bear Who Lost His Master"

Remarks: This is a story I once wrote that I gave up halfway, put it in the long dust, and took it out again to complete the story.

Theme: Presented in a more serious way for "family affection"

Length: It is expected to end in eight chapters, each chapter is about 1,800 to 2,000 words.

Note: The content is heavy and has many negative emotions. Please excuse any offense.

Purple Bow Chapter 1 "The Bear Who Lost His Master"

"Never thought this would happen to me."

In the days not long ago, I could still feel the warmth of that little hand, the smile on that little face, and the little body always holding a bear doll tied with a purple bow.

Now that bear doll has become somewhat broken, lying on the offering table in the mourning hall. That smiling little face is displayed in the posthumous photo among the flowers.

The body becomes cold.

Whether it is himself in mourning, or his daughter lying in a coffin.

My Payne...

Everything has lost its temperature, and there is only the abyss between life and death, and no one can cross it arbitrarily.

Can't feel anything, three days, one month, three months...a year. All I know is that I've been holding your favorite bear, and that purple bow is tattered.

"I heard it was hit..."

"Be quiet!"

"The other party is still drinking... This is too much..."

The voices next to me were chaotic and disorderly, from the beginning asking me to mourn, to asking me to cheer up, to finally telling me a bunch of "advice", and finally to a long sigh, full of helplessness and disappointment.

and more indifference

"Yi Jun, how long are you going to do this?" The last sentence that someone else said before leaving.

Yeah, I've forgotten what I'm doing, am I still alive? Are you still breathing?

Why did this happen to me?

So what should I do? What should I do?

"Should" cheer up

"should" forgive

"Should" stand up

"should" to "let go"

"should" be "thankful"

The people around who are still taking care of themselves silently

So many "shoulds" that I almost suffocate.

sorry

I can't do every "should"

I'm really tired

what is this?

Depression?

Do not

It's a "desperation" deeper than melancholy

I used to look down on melancholy people

feel they are incompetent

I naively thought

There is nothing in this world that cannot be done, nothing that cannot be overcome

how anyone gets depression

So now I feel more

own ignorance, stupidity, arrogance

And I, who can't do anything about my daughter's death

Is this my retribution?

I really deserve it.

I think of a relative who said to me bitterly:

"Yi Jun, you are still young, you still have a chance to find someone to marry again, and then bring Pei En back."

I do not want

Even if a daughter is born, that child is not Pei En

And I don't need a replacement for Payne, so that kid will be poor too

I'm not going to be a horrible mother who keeps comparing her dead daughter

Now as long as I am alone, I don't need to drag others into the water

This is really enough.

I just want Payne, I don't want anything.

I'm lying on my bed holding Payne's bear doll

Several times, I fell asleep crying, I don't know how many times I repeated it

Tears are gradually flowing

I just open my eyes, close my eyes, live and breathe.

day after day, again and again

I don't know how long

One day I felt that my body was really getting too cold, I forgot when I had my last meal, and my mouth became so dry and smelly, all I knew was that the bear doll lying on the bed holding my daughter was in a daze and felt cold. , The hair is messy, the scalp is itchy, and the skin that is not maintained has many strange itchy rash symptoms.

Is your body deteriorating?

Is the body crying for help?

Is the body screaming?

Is your body struggling?

anyway

it doesn't matter

"Mom misses you so much." After I finished saying this, I lay on the bed and closed my eyes again, praying that I would never wake up again, and I would be free from this nightmare in life.

＊＊＊

I was in a dark area, I was walking, and a familiar figure appeared in front of me

"Pein!" I rushed forward happily, almost like a madman, but no matter how much I ran, the distance between me and my daughter never shortened.

"Peen! Peien! Mommy is here!!"

I felt an indescribable hatred for the powerlessness in reality and still dominating myself in my dreams. But I can see my daughter and hug again! It's more important than anything.

In the darkness, I could only see Pei En looking at me with pale, helpless eyes, and said weakly, "Mom..." I watched Pei En slowly disappear and leave me again.

I'm just going crazy.

"Penn! No!—" I opened my eyes, only to see my hands reaching up to the ceiling

I'm in a one-person room, a one-person house

Only the tattered bear with the purple bow on the bed is with me

I can't accept that I'm still alive, facing the reality that I can't face

I thought my tears had dried up and I cried again, until I couldn't cry

so painful

So sad

I want to die

"Peen, why don't you take my mother with you?" I muttered to myself as I cried.

Suddenly I realized something

That's why Peyen in the dream looks very bad

Pale face, dull eyes, trembling body...

"Could it be... Is Pei En having a good time over there?" I, who had been unable to cheer up, got up from the bed in an instant, walked slowly to the bathroom, turned on the faucet of the sink, and slammed it with cold water first. Wash your face and allow yourself to think.

Payne passed away unexpectedly, did I miss something at the funeral?

In an instant, my brain, which had been stagnant for a long time, suddenly began to think of many folklore materials, rules, and stories about the yin and yang worlds.

After I got out of bed and slapped myself hard with my weak hands a few times, I slowly made up my mind and said, "Peen, wait, Mom, Mom will definitely find a way to save you."

I began to perk up, first to take a hot shower, and as I scrubbed the rough skin with soap, I realized that I hadn't felt alive this way in a long time.

The refrigerator was empty, but there were still some things left to cook. I cooked a hot meal and soup after a long absence to regain my strength.

Then open the windows, electric fans, and tidy up the space.

But Penn's room was dusty and a pain came over me

"I'm sorry, Mom didn't help you clean." I used to train Pei En to start organizing toys by himself. Now, if Pei En was here, I would have become a stupid mother who spoiled her daughter and raised a little princess?

Then I kept all of Payne's toys and clothes in order, and cleaned the room spotlessly. As for Pei En's favorite bear, I saw that the purple bow on the bear was tattered, so I threw the bow away and let the bear lie next to Pei En's picture.

After throwing the collected garbage bags into the concentration area, I went home and looked at the whole completely different room. First, I moved the muscles and bones of my hands, shoulders, and took a deep breath.

"Okay, let's start."

Open your computer and mobile phone to find relevant information

With a burst of willpower, I stayed up late for several days and kept looking for things I didn't care about before, and I also thought that the organization was weird and confusing. At this time, it became my lifeline.

But be calm and have "really useful" data.

As I investigate, I record on paper next to the computer, mentally recording areas I never knew before.

Originally there was only one piece of paper and the information gradually became more and more

It's okay to be called a neuropathy

It's okay to be considered weird

I want to save my daughter!

It's my only living goal right now.

"End of Chapter One"

"End of Chapter One"