The homework that funerals leave to the living

Podcast episodes to listen to the universal link please click me. Original release date 2020/08/19

"The Two Ends of the Naihe Bridge"

Naihe Bridge is both the entrance and exit of hell in traditional folk culture stories

If you have seen the Korean movie "Walking With the Gods", the concept of the dead soul in the plot that has to go through many levels of trials is similar. If the sinful dead soul fails to pass the test, it will be pushed down by the bullheads and horses on both sides.

The souls who have passed all the trials will go to the other end of the Naihe Bridge. There is an old lady and goddess called "Meng Po" who will give each soul who has passed all the trials a bowl of soup to forget everything about the previous life and reincarnate in the next life.

This concept of reincarnation is reflected in many very subtle places in our lives, such as good deeds and evil deeds, doing good deeds and accumulating yin and virtue, and the whole process of rituals and customs from funerals is related to this concept.

This time, the special plan for this series of activities, "The Two Ends of the Naihe Bridge", would like to talk about the last straw that broke me down, that is , the funeral of my grandmother.

The last straw

In the first few episodes of "Hey Are You Okay" and in the content of the interview with the "We Are All Sick" fan column, I have mentioned that the death of Mamaw was the last straw that broke me down Regarding the issues brought by this straw, I spent a lot of time with the psychologist in the consultation room to sort out the context of these emotions

I can't remember the detailed timeline. I just remember when all the ceremonies were complete and I went back to my high school to talk to my teacher who taught me before. I thought I was calmly recounting my mood for the whole week, but they all said I looked very good. Tired, my head is thinking about very negative and dark things
At that time, I didn't understand that I was crushed and was just holding on in a state of withdrawal.

Anyway, it didn't take long for me to go to the doctor for treatment of insomnia. A few months later, I was diagnosed with depression.

unemployed

After confirming that it was Xiaoyu who entered the house, I dropped out of Boban and became a homeless person for a while, and I started to have some tensions and disputes with my family.

When you are overwhelmed with emotions, you can't help but keep asking yourself, "When did I do something wrong?"
every time an explicit, implicit accusation of being unproductive

Often in a trance, there will be a picture of me alone in the mausoleum

During the funeral week, I spent almost every day alone in the mourning hall of the public funeral home, accompanying my grandma and the others to work and class. busy" is "should"

Patriarchal family, a ridiculous drama in the eyes of the eldest granddaughter

Grandma was bedridden for many years, and we all knew in our hearts that there would come a day, but when the day came, the situation at home was very chaotic

I couldn't stand it from the noisy elders, and strode forward to take the blank obituary,
Start by filling in the names of all descendants one by one

All the scenes in front of me and all the sounds that my ears hear are telling me very strongly:

The movie "Seven Days After My Father" and the TV series "Departure Agency" and "The Sixty-Sixth Adult Turned into a Boy" are not just dramas, they are all kinds of real life.

Those elders whom I respected when I was a child are too lazy to even act in the real world at this time. It is far more absurd than these dramas

It's so ridiculous that in such a big traditional patriarchal family, the window to contact the etiquette company for all the details of the ceremony is I am not my father, my mother, nor my father.

you who will never wake up

Because grandpa doesn't want grandma to be alone there, he is too old, his back is sore and his feet are sore.

I stay in the mourning hall all day, can't fall asleep, and I can't focus on what to do when I'm awake. The book I brought is very interesting, but I can't read a few pages. Often I just stare blankly at the photo I helped her choose from 10 years ago. Cousin blows hair, makeup and necklace on her wedding day. The picture quality is very poor. The background is a fake blue sky and a sea of flowers behind her. Her body is in the back. I won't wake up, I won't even ask "Who are you?"

You who are not sick in memory

Grandma is a very thrifty, thrifty, and shrewd person. In her time, she was also a brave woman to be herself. She escaped from the family of a daughter-in-law (child bridegroom) and listened to the introduction of a poor boy with a good personality. Go to get married

Chiayi County Tianzi No. 1 notarized marriage is this couple

I am very poor, so I work hard and save money well. I have the impression that my grandfather and grandma have never asked the younger generation for money. Instead, they still have grandma’s red envelopes until they go to college.

your answer, as always

Our family conducts Taoist ceremonies. Personally, I have gradually approached an atheist in the process of studying. I just draw a gourd and follow the worship. Daoist priests come to ring bells and chant scriptures

The big house ("coffin" in Taiwanese means the "big house" of the deceased), jars, and towers are all chosen by Grandpa. Whether or not to hold certain ceremonies is based on Grandpa's opinion. When Grandpa also takes uncertainty, aka relatives When there is a lot of gossip and opinions

The etiquette teacher said: "That's your mother's frustration, or you can ask her directly"
just toss a coin and ask grandma

I didn't know until this time that because grandma is not a god, you can't use the kind you see in the temple, and you can only use two 10 yuan coins.

First ask her if she is there because there are too many people at the scene.

After confirming that she is at the scene, ask the question that you want to confirm, you can only ask the question of right and wrong three times in a row, one positive and one negative.

• Do you want to do additional legal proceedings?

don't want

• Do you want to buy a paper house for her?

don't want

• Do you want to buy more money?

don't want

When I go back to the Dharma, I need to invite a few more Taoist priests, bells and bells, 50,000 jumps from paper and 30,000 jumps from the house, according to the way relatives call it, not to mention spending 70,000 to 80,000 yuan and can’t escape, just listening to the quotation, I feel that the grandmother inside How unwilling, how could she possibly agree

Seeing the result of my dad tossing a coin is very mysterious, the answer should be the deity of the grandma, as always, the grandma who can save can save

filial piety scene

I didn't see her much before I was alive, the old man insisted on crowding a bunch of flowers into a small mourning hall and couldn't fit it, and also asked for a copy of his own name, the name of the company, a very filial descendant, someone thought of the grandmother lying in it. Does toilet paper need to be used four times?

Every day, I sign for these flower pots and flower stands that watched the staff work so hard. I saw that the two large rows of flower stands in the next shed could not fit, and took up a seat in another house to send flowers. The goods were unloaded and the receipt was signed. After leaving less than half an hour, three strong men in suits came to the truck of the flower-carrying etiquette company and took the magnificent flower stands away.

The Buddhist monk in the shed next door did not compare the peace and chanted the scriptures and then quarreled during the intermission. The master, who invited his family to recite the scriptures for the sake of several thousand yuan, said halfway through the chanting, "Ah! I just missed a paragraph, here we are. Again"
Is the master also tired?
Has anyone in the family found out?

A sense of ritual for living people

Saying hello in the morning and evening, and praying for dinner, it seems that grandma still brushes her teeth, eats, and takes a shower. Every time I wash the towel and change the lunch, I think, doing these seemingly meaningless things is to give the living a sense of ritual.

Every action counts down

After this funeral ceremony is over, the next funeral will immediately take over the same mourning hall space, there is no extra time to stay

Single Loop: "Reassure to Travel"

The two sheds next door both operate Buddhist scriptures and have to recite sutras manually. This shed uses a chanting machine to play these sounds in a loop, which makes people very tired.

When I was alone in the mourning hall, I wore headphones and played the opening song "Travel with Peace of Mind" from "Exit Office".
Tell yourself that grandma just went on a trip after a long absence

"Outbound Agency" theme song to travel with confidence MV: plot version, animation version, official lyrics version, male and female duet version

I just know that I'm an empty shell

When I tell a few good friends around me about these things, almost everyone asks, "Ah, anyone else?"
All I can say is "I don't know"

Open a shop as usual Open a shop and go to work as usual A doctoral student goes to school to ask for leave

People who are too lazy to act seem to be coming to the funeral. Even if everyone is in the same city, they will only show up at the time of the ceremony that they need to attend, and they will directly say in the LINE group, "The etiquette teacher will explain..."
It's impossible for someone who will only respond to stay in the mourning hall to accompany grandma

During a consultation, the psychologist told me that I had a lot of anger towards Mamaw's children

Friends say I'm taking too much and it's not my responsibility

I can't think of this at the moment I've become an empty shell, detached from all feelings and emotions

I became an empty shell,
Not a single tear fell,
Every time I communicate with the etiquette teacher, I just want to end the matter as soon as possible

This week I couldn't sleep more than three hours a day. I was awake and didn't think about anything. I didn't have emotions. I just couldn't sleep. I experienced two panic attacks and hyperventilation. After two or three days, my family didn't allow me to be alone in the mourning hall. let me be responsible for the supper

The first time I saw my grandpa cry

On the day of the farewell ceremony, the master of ceremonies called people to step forward in order, Nianxiang shouted to Grandpa, it was the first time I saw Grandpa standing on the other side of the red carpet, crying so hard that he could not move.

Just like the scene where I walked up to pick up the blank obituary a few days ago, I walked out of the relatives and took Grandpa's hand and walked up to the front. Just line up

Life education scene: the first lesson my grandma gave me

The ceremony ended successfully, and the last batch of paper lotus flowers was put into the golden furnace.

"Why burn paper money and lotus flowers?"

I remembered their panicked expressions of kneeling, bowing, getting up, kneeling and bowing with the adults in front of them at the ceremony a few minutes ago. Is this the first lesson grandma gave me?
I wondered how to explain death to two kindergarten kids

I say:
"Azu went to the sky, this is the money and lucky charm for her to use in the sky."

"Will Azu come back?"

"No, Azu went to the sky and won't come back"

What's behind is a matter of living people

In this ridiculous week, every time I watch a living person perform a farce, I feel that the grandma lying in the back, who was taken away by God to breathe, has finished her homework and is left with broken bones in the world.

I thought I would be sad and cry, but I didn't just watch my relatives cry and scream in the mourning hall,
Turning around and chatting and laughing, thinking about where to go on a rare trip south

Looking back at the few scenes of the collapse in the consultation room, I sometimes feel that the current treatment process is the homework that my grandma left me. Maybe the day I pass my homework is the day I can live peacefully with Xiaoyu.

Recommended episodes and movies

"Departure Agency" TV series complete YouTube playlist (Hakka TV official channel)

Because I have seen "Departure Agency" before
I have some understanding of the work of the etiquette and the funeral process. The theme song "Travel With Peace of Mind" also became a song that I played repeatedly that week.

There are some very serious videos on YouTube about the see-offs in the funeral industry:

"Sixty Boys Turned Adults" TV series on Netflix

Big family noise,
peace on the surface,
When I was watching the drama, I felt that these elders were naive enough

At that time, I didn't know that the elders in real life are not just childish

The movie version was watched for the male and female protagonists Lu Guangzhong and Yan Zhenglan, I don't have a special impression...

Further reading

 Including physical books and e-books. There is no loss for you to purchase and check through the link. As long as you check out through the link I provide, it is not necessarily to buy the book I recommend. According to the amount of your current checkout, I will get a little profit from the channel. This will help me continue on my creative path

Original Script of "Departure Agency"

[Blog to] https://wwhowbuhow.pse.is/STYXX
[Reading TAAZE] https://wwhowbuhow.pse.is/TVWMA
[Readmoo reading ink e-book] http://moo.im/a/dhyCDM

The original novel of "The Sixtieth Boy (New Edition)"

[Blog to] https://wwhowbuhow.pse.is/V922Y
[Reading TAAZE] https://wwhowbuhow.pse.is/UXRY5
[Readmoo reading ink e-book] http://moo.im/a/4iryDI

"Sixtie Boy Turns Adult" into a comic

[Blog to] https://wwhowbuhow.pse.is/VBRQA
[Reading TAAZE] https://wwhowbuhow.pse.is/TUJMY
[Readmoo reading ink e-book] http://moo.im/a/8gnvHT

"Sixtie Boy Turns Adult Creation Documentary"

[Blog to] https://wwhowbuhow.pse.is/V2ZGT
[Reading TAAZE] https://wwhowbuhow.pse.is/SWCGB
[Readmoo reading ink e-book] http://moo.im/a/lmyBNU

"Seven Days After the Father"

[Blog to] https://wwhowbuhow.pse.is/VCHNR
[Reading TAAZE] https://wwhowbuhow.pse.is/UNMFQ
[Readmoo reading ink e-book] http://moo.im/a/afhLXZ

// The original text was published in the narrative column of Medium and Podcast episodes, supplemented and rewritten with the transcript of the recording//

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