Every day she's gone (1)

Have you been to a funeral home?

Although most of the people who go there are experiencing the saddest things in their lives, the funeral home is brighter than expected, with green grass and lush trees. The building is a modern building, the door is a common automatic glass door, the reception desk for various affairs, and the conference room, the room for selecting various funeral items is also a glass partition, and those who leave are not called the deceased, but the ancestors. The small venues where the farewell party was held were next to each other, with white and yellow flowers surrounding the banner "XX Farewell Party". I've held back, fearing that writing this would cause a lot of unease. But after going there, I was thinking, this is like, not scary? She lay there quietly, as if she was asleep, and I followed the various rituals, and I wanted to laugh a little. I asked in my heart, is her soul in this little house? Wouldn't it be funny if she watched me do these things? We have always paid no attention to form, but we are trapped in form. For all things in the world, death is liberation, reincarnation, or demise, and no one in the living knows. What makes death less terrifying? It may be the feeling of being bright under the sun. Or because it's her, so it's not scary at all.

The ceremony started at about 10, but the participants arrived early. There are a few relatives that I haven't seen for a long time. In the past, I didn't need to take care of these relatives personally, and I didn't know their seniority. They seemed to be the same age as me, but they seemed to be older than me. They came and patted me and asked me about my future plans. I finally shed a few tears and held them back. These questions have been heard thousands of times. I have already prepared a set of convincing arguments, at least Convince them in that moment. But I know that these questions and answers are meaningless. For all others, the loss of a loved one can cause long-term pain, but not affect their lives. For me, half of the world has gone with her. The moment she left me, I embarked on the road to find her. It has nothing to do with where I work and live, whether I get married and have children.

Psychology says that when a person is faced with great grief, the body's protective mechanisms come into play, isolating part of the emotion. I can't cry, and I can't feel sad at the moment. At that moment, I clearly felt the existence of my body and spirit. They were carrying me, and I, who had to face these things, stood there and greeted the guests. Comfort the crying relatives and distribute "li is" to the staff. "This is my responsibility," I heard my relatives say these words from side to side since I returned to China. They didn't realize it was cruel. I'm a little angry, but I can still understand it, and at the same time, in this kind of dialogue, I continue to perceive her lack. She never talked to me like this, because in recent years, I have been wondering if she knew that she was about to leave me, so she was more tolerant of me and put me first, and sometimes I felt that she lost herself Degree. So now that I have lost it, I have to face the harsh reality alone without complaint. This kind of thing called "love" is too precious and I can't have it forever.

She is no longer in this world after all, and I am the proof of her existence.