"As a mainlander, what are you most proud of?"

Between July and August, I asked my friends and passers-by in Taiwan and Hong Kong three questions:

1. If you were asked to introduce Taiwan/Hong Kong to Chinese/mainlanders, what do you think Taiwan/Hong Kong is most proud of?

2. What is the most confusing thing you want to know about China/Mainland?

3. In your current personal life, what is the biggest worry?

About their answers and conversations with them, maybe a separate talk later. What I want to say today is that while talking with them, I also asked myself these questions over and over again, but found that every time I was stuck on the first question.

"If I want to introduce mainland China to Taiwan/Hong Kong, what would I be most proud of?"

There are many possible answers in my mind, but none of them satisfy me. Regardless of the ideological aspect, even mentioning the "achievements" in the economic and social fields such as rapid economic growth, development of online shopping, express delivery, and convenient mobile payment, it is difficult for people to ignore a set of logic behind this and the fact that it can only be produced by institutional exploitation. the "miracle" effect.

I once chatted with a friend about this topic, and I liked the answer she gave, she said: "Under such a powerful authoritarian system, there are still many people who serve civil society or have the ability to think independently. It's something I'm proud of the mainland."

I thought of a question that's been running back and forth in my mind lately about how we should think of the little pinks. Some friends hate them and think they don't deserve sympathy at all; others think they are inherently unsympathetic, selfish, and even violent.

But I prefer to see them as victims, maybe they don't feel like they are victims, but I feel that not knowing makes them even more pathetic. If receiving rational civic education is also regarded as a human right, then our rights have been trampled on. Little Pink is the most successful work of this system. They are treated as machines by the system they praise, they fully accept this logic of the law of the jungle and apply it to others, which is why they have so many rights violated themselves, but they never care, but as long as When it comes to the so-called issue of sovereignty, they all jump up, point to each other's nose and say, "There is only one China", "call it Dad".

It's as natural as a knee-jerk reaction.

Perhaps because it is only in this situation that the oppressed can stand up and assert some kind of power, also a power of the jungle, an unequal power of "you belong to me", a kind of "I said" Count' undemocratic powers.

I never felt it was right, I was equally angry, powerless, and ashamed. At the same time, I feel very sad that the victims never realize that they are victims. There is a chance that the victims become the perpetrators. They are complacent and celebrate each other. Everyone is immersed in the pink bubble of "I am the master of the country". Inextricable.

But I still don't think it's because of their "natural nature". Perhaps there is indeed a "natural" factor. If fanatical nationalism is regarded as an epidemic disease, some people may have strong resistance, while others are weak, and those with weak resistance are indeed more prone to diseases. But in addition to innate resistance, some people may have access to the best medical resources, injecting antibodies, and some people are destitute and will die if they come into contact with pathogens; some people have extremely high cultural capital and learn There is a lot of knowledge about disease prevention, but some people lack knowledge and have no basic common sense of prevention;

"Nature" certainly has an impact, but it's not enough to explain why so many nationalists are mainlanders.

Every time I browse the Internet and see friends in Hong Kong or Taiwan talking about their political opposition to mainlanders, I get very restless. On the one hand, I know they are telling the truth, and on the other hand, I want to tell them that this is only the opinion of some people. Of course, maybe quite a few, but still not all. Instead of repeating the stereotype of Chinese/Mainlander over and over and adding more opposition, let's think about why they are like this. Only when you really understand why can you change what really oppresses everyone.

Since the movement to send back to China in Hong Kong, many of my friends and I have discussed the embarrassment and difficulty of expressing support for this movement as a mainlander. During the parade, there were the flags of the United States, the United Kingdom and the Republic of China. I always wondered, if I also want to express the support of the mainland, should I raise the five-star red flag?

But I also think, is it because I pay too much attention to my identity? Is this a very self-imposed idea? If I put aside the so-called nationality identity and simply express my identity with a certain concept and position, is it better? it is good?

It's just the current situation that it seems impossible to ignore your identity as a mainlander. On the news, there have been incidents of conflict between Hong Kong, Taiwan and mainlanders. My friends from Hong Kong and Taiwan who met for the first time were either careful to avoid political topics, or secretly worried that I was a "ghost".

Having said that, the identity of Chinese/Mainland was never my choice, and I can't even say that I agree with it. I just lived within the framework of "One China" since I was a child, and many things have been "taken by China". Now when I grow up and look again, I will find that I really don't know what China is.

I thought of walking under the moon with a foreign friend a few days ago. I pointed to the circle of light around the moon and told her that in Chinese, this is called "moon halo". She said it was amazing. There is no word in English. to describe this phenomenon. At that moment, I felt that Chinese was very beautiful.

But, is Chinese Chinese? Are the poems and songs handed down from dynasties Chinese?

Are the natural landscapes, customs, and food from all over the world Chinese?

I have no idea. I just think that China is really too big. It is not an active "big", but more like a "big", which includes many things: language, writing, history, culture, geography, customs... In such a strong "big" "In front of me, I can only be Chinese.

Especially when I go out, when I speak Mandarin in Hong Kong and Taiwan, when I use the same words as the mainland, when I have a mainland ID, I can only be Chinese.

In a restaurant in Japan last month, I walked in and ordered in English, and the clerk immediately brought me a simplified Chinese menu. I asked her, how do you know I'm Chinese? She smiled a little embarrassedly because you look like Chinese.

I wouldn't be surprised if something like this happened outside East Asia. But there is Japan, I thought that the faces of East Asia were not much different, but I didn't expect that even my face was so Chinese.

I have asked many friends from different places, "What kind of people do you think are Beijing/Guangzhou/Hong Kong/Taiwan/Shanghai people?"

But I never dared to ask, "What kind of person do you think is Chinese?" because I know that in this climate, the answer must be deafening and unquestionable.

Whenever I feel ashamed and despised for Little Pink, I always ask myself, why is there such a feeling of shame? Does it mean that I subconsciously identify myself as Chinese and identify with them as compatriots? Or maybe, this is not something I can choose. No matter what identity I have and what values I uphold, I am regarded as a "Chinese". Once, because I couldn't choose, it made me even more angry with Little Pink, just like many friends around me.

But gradually I figured out where this anger came from, and I gradually stopped taking Little Pink as the root of all problems. I'd rather find out the real root.

Although I haven't figured out my national identity yet, I take it as a responsibility to de-stigmatize the label Chinese. Not because I agree with this label, but because I feel it is unfair to be biased against any one group and use stereotypes to generalize every individual within the group. The times have been torn apart enough that I want to find a way to put aside prejudice and talk to everyone who is on the same side and who is on the other side.

This is what I think is the responsibility of everyone who is born in this era and has the ability to think independently.