It's hard to speak well

I may be busy with a lot of things recently, and my emotions are always at the critical point. In the end there was a happy break up, sometimes even a cold war.

I almost couldn't help but get angry when I was talking to the master last night. I suddenly remembered the book "I want to talk to you" that I was reading. I wanted to go out and quarrel and let go of my emotions, but I thought it would be a waste of time to read like this? So I held back my emotions and said it again with patience. Fortunately, I finally suppressed the tense atmosphere.

Hence the title "It's Hard to Talk Well", because it's really hard. Talking nicely here does not refer to ordinary conversation, but also includes the meaning or tone or questioning (criticism) hidden in the sentence, so it is a big question.

"I Want to Talk to You" is undoubtedly a good book, but I was hesitant to buy this book at first, but later I found that more than one person recommended it, so I still started.

I was surprised after just turning a few pages, because I have committed almost all of the violent communication mentioned in it. My master should know best that he is both the perpetrator and the victim.

P25: Dr. Luxembourg once said that there are two different kinds of people in the world - no matter what race, what culture. A type of person who cares about "who is right and who is wrong?" In interpersonal relationships, this type of person is often haunted by the unhappiness in life and tends to be aggressive. The other type of people is less concerned with right and wrong. They are looking for a better life, and they care about what to do and say to make their life better. What kind of person are you?

Seeing this, I immediately raised my hand and admitted that I belonged to the first type of person who cares about "who is right and who is wrong".

In many things, whenever I have an argument with someone else, I'm oriented towards whether I'm doing right or wrong in the event and don't think too much about other issues. I thought that as long as I was right, I could travel the world with this " principle" . But this is not necessarily the case for family members. We often leave tenderness to others, but sharpness to ourselves. Is it because our family will never leave us, so we are not afraid?

The inappropriate tone and language mentioned in this book, that is, "violent communication", I almost have to raise my hands ashamed, which shows how often we make these self-righteous ways of speaking, or speak with a questioning and critical tone , it makes the listener feel uncomfortable in the first place, of course, it cannot be treated in a good tone, and disputes are bound to happen. No wonder my master and I often bicker.

Sometimes when the master gave me a small favor, I was very happy and praised him: "You are the best."

He often asked me puzzled: "Why are the best and the worst the same person?"

When I heard this question, it was really difficult for me to answer. That's right, we are always careless when we talk to our family members, so the hurt between the family members comes from this. Many people's injuries from their native families originate from this. The power of words is so powerful that it is really necessary to be careful.

The author saw a passage in the classic book "Lost Happiness Classics" that reads:

P30: Invisible forces have been working for people, but it is people themselves who are "manipulating" behind the scenes, we just don't know it. Through the vibrational power of words, what a person says attracts something. People who keep talking about disease attract disease.

The Bible also mentions the importance of words. We are created by God. God's words have what they say and what they say is what they say. And we are created in the image of God, so the words that come out of our mouth have a certain power.

Proverbs 18:20-21: The fruit of the mouth will fill the belly; the fruit of his mouth will satisfy him. Life and death are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

In fact, it is not difficult to find that people who often speak positive words always seem optimistic and cheerful, and their thoughts are extremely positive. Not only himself, but also those who are with him will be infected with this happy atmosphere. Vice versa, when a person who is often pessimistic, often speaks these negative words in front of you, all of our positive energy may be attacked, and even ourselves will fall. It shows how important the words of our mouth are.

Even though I knew this, I still kept my mouth shut when my emotions were high, and ended up hurting my own people. I found that my most common crime was not being sharp, but speaking loudly, because I didn’t know how to swear. The easiest way to get angry is to speak loudly. I thought that speaking loudly could stop others, but it was just a bluff. No use at all.

It says in the book that we read this book or participate in the sharing session because we all have love, we all want to communicate well, and we want to connect with others, but we just don’t know how to solve the problem.

The book also mentions two typical representatives of nonviolent communication: the jackal and the giraffe .

P34: Nonviolent language is like a giraffe, with a higher and wider vision and height, as well as a strong heart, willing to listen and tolerate; while violent language is like a jackal, territorial, controlling and aggressive, habitual Self-defense, always fight to win or lose.

When I saw the jackal, I was about to raise my hand silently again. Alas, I'm really sad because my communication method was so bad. Fighting for right and wrong, winning and losing are my biggest failures.

I haven't read many pages in this book, but it has already filled me with reflection. It seems that my master will be more and more happier. The book says that many times we need to do it deliberately, and focus on the position to be improved and observed, rather than relying on our own will and acting recklessly. As long as I make serious improvements, I believe that I will see results. !

Let’s wrap up this article with these golden sentences:

P33: An important idea emphasized by Dr. Luxemburg: each of us wants to fulfill each other, and as long as the way of speaking is right, both parties can be satisfied at the same time.

P37: Happiness does not come from "marriage" itself. Happiness depends on maintenance, and maintenance depends on communication.

P38-39: We will put on masks outside the home to show the good side, and then leave the most real, not so good, and even a little ugly side to the family around us.

In fact, many people take all the depression and pressure accumulated in the workplace and bring them home to explode .

P40: The people who should build and maintain friendly relationships with heart should not be just people outside the family. In fact, relatives at home need to be paid more attention, because they are the key people who help us build a happy life.

P46: When someone is willing to be honest about their feelings and thoughts, it is more difficult than going to the sky if it is a wise person who wants to ask him to open his heart again.

P47: 1. Most people feel that they have no problem, it is others who need to change.

2. Most people think "I'm just like this", why should I change? If I change, I'm not me anymore.

3. None of us want to face the fact that change is really hard.

This shows how cruel we are to our family. Really good review.

These are less than 1/3 of what I have read, and it seems that speaking well is really important.

P72: As Dr. Luxemburg said: Do you have to choose to play the game of "who is right and who is wrong" or the game of "how to make yourself happy"?

Just let me keep reading (playing?) on.