Book of Seven Days 01｜Things abandoned, things left behind

The first day (July 1)
Write about a relationship that is hard to define but means a lot to you.

After thinking about it, it seems that there is no such thing as "hard to define" about intimate relationships with people. Because I don’t like complicated relationships, the interpersonal relationships in my life are very clear-cut. Love is very clear and pure; friendship is what kept me internally consumed for the longest time, but I later figured it out. As long as I take off the filter of time and look at how we get along now, the "old friends" I once thought I cherished and cared about are actually They are just acquaintances who have known each other for many years; the kind of family affection that comes naturally, although complicated, is also clear.

Then I thought of Guaiguai.

Guaiguai is the fifth cat we adopted in Beijing.

The first time I met Guaguai was when I met a cat friend and heard from him that there was a cat in a nearby pet store that had been looking for adoption for a long time to see if we were willing to adopt another one (there were already two beloved cats at home at the time). Let's go and see it together. The store was very small, and she was kept in a cage. The boss said that most of the kittens in the store were easy to find homes for, but no one wanted her. I looked at her through the cage. She looked like an adult cat, with a variety of colors. There was a lot of eye feces and fluid around her eyes, and she looked like she had eye disease. The owner said she had been living in a cage for several months after they rescued her on the side of the road.

The look in my eyes when I looked at her was pitiful, and occasionally I could barely hear the word "meow" in her meowing voice. I could only see her mouth moving. Friends encouraged her and said she was very close to her. Later I touched her head and she didn't dodge.

My family and I felt pity for them, thinking that we were raising two or three of them anyway, and we had experience in taking care of them. Just took it home.

The two aborigines in the family, Xiaobai and Tipsy, are very curious about the new member. The main reason is that Xiaobai is curious, Tipsy is shy and can hide, and Xiaobai will go up and smell any new thing that comes to the house, and is not afraid of anything.

We isolated a special space for Guaiguai on the balcony. After taking her to the animal hospital for a physical examination, she temporarily lived on the balcony because she needed to be vaccinated and treated for eye diseases (for fear of infecting other cats). She seems to like her new living space very much. She meows more energetically every day, has a good appetite and eats a lot of cat food. Every day we give her eye drops and wipe the dirt from her eyes. She is very friendly and doesn't like it but she won't resist it too much.

After a while, we felt it was almost the same, and the three little guys finally met.

Xiaobai is the first cat we adopted. He came to our home not long after he was born. He was born with poor health and experienced a lot of difficulties. First, he was diagnosed with incurable congenital heart disease when he was more than six months old, and then his stomatitis was so severe that he had to pull out his tongue. He lost all his teeth, but he was very strong. We walked with him through that difficult time, and he got through it. He just needed to keep taking care of his heart. Xiaobai is very optimistic and likes to eat canned food. He is also very friendly to all the new members who arrive at home. He never complains and has no temper. (The only time I saw him angry was when he was less than one year old and a Tianhei agent came to knock on the door. The door urged us to move and we went straight in. Xiaobai seemed to know that these people were not good and was very angry and shouted at them). Xiaobai was almost 2 years old when he met Guaguai.

Tipsy arrived home not long before Guaiguai, probably because she was sensitive and shy when she was on the street as a child and liked to hide. She has never been very fond of Guaiguai. At first we thought it would get better after a while, but it seems that nothing has changed. In fact, I don’t know if it’s because she “dislikes” her, but she will hide and approach her obediently. Tipsy loves to be clean and often licks and bathes herself. Although Xiaobai is reluctant to sit next to her or help her bathe (she becomes impatient after a while after licking), it can be seen that they are good friends. But towards Guaiguai, Tipsy never showed any affection towards her and always stayed away from her.

Guaiguai seems to have a bad gastrointestinal condition and will fart very smelly. He will eat cat food in a hurry, but he will stop every time he eats. After a while, he will go to the kitchen to eat again. He eats many times a day, and his appetite is larger than that of the other two. Cats are big.

Cats all have their own habits, which are normal and fun. Later, we took Tipsy and Guaiguai to have them neutered together. I have a deep memory of the two kittens wearing gauze vests at home together.

Guaiguai is very affectionate and will kiss everyone without any warning. If she touches her, she will lick her hands with her tongue and purr all the time, making the kind of sounds that cats make when they are happy. When friends come to the house, she will sit on anyone's lap and keep rubbing against them.

I thought that in this way we would become a family and get along naturally. Although Tipsy and Guaiguai are not close, there is no conflict and it is fine for them to stay alone.

Then the subsequent trend was a bit unexpected.

One time when we were out, we saw through the camera that Guaiguai was sitting on the window sill, knocking the small bottles of hydroponic plants on the floor one by one. The glass was broken. At that time, we asked the community aunt to help take care of them, and she cleaned them up in time. I forgot when I discovered this cat’s “secret” while watching the video replay. Anyway, I was shocked and worried at the time (because if she has this side, will she bully other cats when we are away?) . Thinking about it now, I was probably using human malice to speculate on Maomao, but my worries at the time were later confirmed. For example, if three cats eat together, she will squeeze in. Each cat has its own food bowl. Tipsy eats the least and leaves after eating. Xiaobai will help her eat the leftovers in the bowl, but will wait until Tipsy leaves before going. But Guaiguai is a bit "overbearing". What I couldn't accept the most was that she started bullying Xiaobai and Tipsy.

I forgot how long it had been, and I couldn’t even remember the trigger. I just felt worried and annoyed because I didn’t want Xiaobai to be bullied (it didn’t matter that Tipsy was healthy), so I decided to give up Guaiguai after much deliberation. , help her find a new home. I contacted the aunt in the community. She often feeds the cats in the community and also raises cats at home. She knows many cat friends and asked her to help find Guaiguai to adopt. My aunt first persuaded me, and I told her about Xiaobai's situation. At the same time, I posted a post on the Internet asking for help looking for adoption, and also asked the cat friends I introduced Guaiguai to help me. No news for several weeks.

I don’t know if Guaiguai could feel what was happening. I didn’t change my mind during that time because her behavior didn’t help her (a few years have passed and I can’t remember the details. I don’t know if it’s because of my memory). want to help me). Then one day, I really had to take action and decided to put her down in another building in the community, because there was usually food and housing there, and I could often visit her. I felt very guilty and took her there (I forgot why I didn’t want to send her back to the original pet shop. I probably felt that living in a community was freer than living in a cage, and her obedient nature made me think she would be able to live outside. very good). The moment I opened the cat cage, she even jumped out on her own and got behind the hidden platform without looking back (the entire platform is a cat space). I called her several times, but she didn't come out. It's both sad and a little relaxing. It seems that since she doesn't miss him anymore, it means she doesn't want to stay at home anymore.

But I know, how can people understand the thoughts of cats? All these psychological activities are my speculations as a human being. I felt guilty and couldn't think of anything else to do, and I knew I would always carry this guilt.

Then, the aunt in the community contacted me and said that a cat was found in the community. It turned out that it was not a cute cat. I told my aunt about the situation, and she finally said that she took Guaiguai back to her home.

I felt more and more guilty, but at the same time I was happy that Guaiguai at least had a family again. The aunt in the community is very selfless to animals. She adopts many cats at home and has a big dog named Beibei. I occasionally buy cat food and send it to her house. Later, my aunt told me that she had found a new home for Guaiguai. They were an American couple who loved Guaiguai very much. I finally breathed a sigh of relief, but the guilt lingered and I imagined how great it would be if I had found them in the first place.

Unfortunately, the good times did not last long. Later, the aunt said that the couple had returned to China. Guobai returned to my aunt's house. I visited her several times. Once she was hiding on the balcony; once she was chubby and seemed to be in good condition; once she slept with other cats and she was chubby. , I think my aunt took good care of her, and she seemed to get along well with other cats; once I touched her head, she didn’t dodge, but it might be my emotional projection, feeling that she was still not interested in me. I thought she knew me, the person who abandoned her.

My aunt showed me the photos of Guaiguai when she was at the couple's home. I felt sorry for myself and felt that I was very selfish. Later, when the couple left without Guaiguai, I seemed to feel a little more relaxed? (When I noticed it, I thought it was very dark. It was very selfish to compare people’s behavior. I just wanted to be good)

In short, Guaiguai has always been in my heart, in a way that makes me uncomfortable, but I know that I have to take responsibility for my actions. I did something wrong. Although I couldn't help it, I still hurt a cat. I have to carry this guilt with me for the rest of my life.

Last year, I went to China to pick up Tipsy (due to the epidemic, I was delayed in picking her up, and my father has been helping me take care of her; Xiaobai passed away a few years ago). When I went to Beijing, I visited my aunt and saw cats. I knew that Beibei had passed away. At that time, my aunt sent me a photo of Beibei. I was very sad. Beibei was very cute. Every time I went to my aunt's house, Beibei greeted me warmly and stood up and jumped on me. I know that my aunt has a very deep affection for Beibei. When I saw Beibei's posthumous photo, I thought of Xiaobai.

Auntie’s house has more cats. I have always admired my aunt and found it very difficult. It’s also good to be good.

I remembered last month that I was in contact with my aunt. At that time, I only sent a message to ask her how she and the cats were doing. Later, I woke up and found that I had missed a voice call (because of the time difference, it was 3 o'clock in the morning for me). I was very nervous at the time. (Because aunties usually don’t make direct voice calls), I left a message saying that we have time differences and I will reply later. I called on Chinese time on Saturday and was relieved when I heard my aunt's voice. Then the aunt said that Guaiguai's condition was not very good. He had kidney problems and was taking medicine. The aunt said that it would cost a lot to treat Guaiguai. She asked me how old Guaiguai was. Auntie said that it was not easy for her. I don’t know what I should do. It’s an impulse to abdicate responsibility. I don’t know the specifics. Guaiguai was an adult in a cage when he was adopted. He was also picked up by the roadside. His estimated age is over 8 years old. , she might be a little older than Tipsy. Then when we talked about Tipsy, I said we were considering adopting a companion for Tipsy, and my aunt suddenly said in a strong voice, "Oh, you guys have been raising her for so many years and you are still looking for adoption." I was shocked at the time, and then I realized and said sternly, " Auntie, you misunderstood me, I mean to adopt a new cat and find a companion for Tipi." My tone shocked Auntie, and I was also surprised that I reacted quickly and strongly. I felt very uncomfortable. When I calmed down, I thought it was because my aunt was being obedient that her first reaction was that I wanted to adopt Tipi to someone else. I feel aggrieved. How could it be possible? We love Tipsy so much that I can only start to focus on my life when she comes to my side. Before she was in China, I would call her every week on video for fear that she would forget our voices. I think if there were all healthy cats in the house at that time, I would never let Guaiguai out. But there is no if. Xiaobai lived with Tipsy for several years and passed away when he was more than 5 years old. The doctor once said that he would not live to be one year old.

I'm sorry, dear. I will always carry this guilt. Perhaps the only thing that can be done is to be more cautious when adopting a cat.