EP15. Don't say what's right, I'll ask you what's wrong?

foreword

I was discussing with my friend how to plan our life, or how to do something right, maybe SOP or something, then during the discussion, we found that we mentioned a lot of things right The wrong question, but in fact, after thinking about it, I found that we have been deviating from the topic all the time, and it has become not "how to do it to get better", but the question we have been discussing is "every little detail" What is the right way to do it”, rather than how our overall direction can be done better.

individual case

When to apply the logic of right and wrong

Because in the past, I always believed that there were only right and wrong, and there was no gray area, so I was often decisive and fast in doing things. Because there was no one to guide me, I could only analyze one thing directly. , analyze it thoroughly, then I can convince myself that "this thing is worthless to do", but later I found that this is actually a double-edged sword, because I have not considered this thing, this In this way, is there a suitable time for it, so if I keep using this kind of logic of right and wrong, I will always talk back like a child, because I know very few people can answer a thing to the end , that is, what is the essence of it, such as the sleep time I mentioned before, and then family members or friends will persuade me that it is better to go to bed early, that is obviously to hope that I can be healthy , is a "better" way, but I will ask back "why can't I go to bed late?", if my daily routine is very regular, but my jet lag is the same as in the United States, for example, 12 hours away, So am I going to be healthy, or not? If I’m not healthy, wouldn’t people with jet lag be finished now? There’s no benchmark value, so I’ll probably refute it like this. Of course, at that time, how many elders or friends could answer this kind of question? So I "naturally" went to bed late, because I thought this was right, because it was not wrong, it was right, then After I grew up slowly, I began to realize that this is actually a problem, and then I slowly reflected on it, that is, people don’t want to argue with you at all, everyone just cares about you, it’s that simple, and then I feel How to make your body better , This rhetorical way is so sharp, that is, before I found out about this matter, I used the logic of right and wrong to scratch how many people and how many people cared about me, but I have been this way for a long time. The working mode, this jet lag, so I tried to adjust it back several times, but it was really difficult enough, the difficulty was not to adjust the jet lag, but to sleep to make up for the sleep or sleep a little less, the difficulty was me After the adjustment, there will be no way to work, because I am used to being alone in the middle of the night, and then quietly or noisily sprinting, so I can do things faster, because no one can disturb me, then I have to It suddenly turned into a phone call when I was bursting with inspiration during the day, or I was going to do something temporarily, then if your inspiration was cut off, I would collapse directly, so I would keep dragging on things, which may be a lot. The situation people are facing is that you have no way to focus on your spirit, so I still maintain the reverse mode, that is, work at night and sleep during the day, but in the face of everyone's concern, although I know it, I understand it, and then also Tried to communicate with them, but obviously they just didn't I will continue to worry. At this time, I can only find some more reliable and credible documents to try to reassure them. Of course, this is not a radical method, but this is how I strike a balance. Let us know and say In fact, there have been some studies on sleeping in this way. It is said that there is no problem on the surface, because I can actually feel whether I am uncomfortable with my own body. That’s why I have the concept of staying up late that I shared before. Then I think this suggestion It's good to consider and refer to everyone, because it may not be suitable for everyone.

The core of right and wrong is why

For myself, I think a thorough analysis of right and wrong really saves me a lot of time, and it also trains a good independent thinking ability in the process of thinking. As I said before, if I want to make money , I don't need to do some jobs that can't actually grow? Then, what kind of job can't make money? But if this job has actual cumulative value, I think it's OK no matter how low the salary is. Ah, because that's what I pay attention to, just like I spent two months before going to a company with a low salary, and then went to learn the unfamiliar profession of digital marketing, and then set a (time) stop loss The concept is the same, even I am still using these skills to make it real, and on the other hand, if you want to understand the process of right and wrong, you have to keep exploring why , so when I was facing problems since I was a child, I would always ask why I asked in the end. I still remember when I was in elementary school when I was a child. I asked one of my elders and said, "How does the locomotive start?", then he The answer at the beginning may have been to tell me that it's the button to be pressed, and then press the brake, turn the throttle, etc., but the question I actually asked is "how does it start" is that engine part, Why did I press the button and I pulled the brake, it would start, and then I kept asking like this. In the end, he couldn't answer the question. Instead, he asked other relatives for me. I think it's funny now that I think about it, but I I think it's cool, because he didn't perfunctory me, he was serious about helping me find the answer, so I think you can only judge what is right by thinking continuously, and then indirectly converge your true thoughts.

Motivation to explore fairness

In order to achieve objective analysis, you need to practice constantly. At the beginning, you will unconsciously start to be influenced by some subjective thoughts, and even derive the idea of "this is unfair to me". This is because of some force majeure factors, such as your own family, economy, growth environment, or resources around you, etc. I remember when I was in middle school at that time because it might seem like a game, and then The other party has a lot of resources, and then I don’t have any resources, so I will complain to him (my elder) that this thing is really unfair. What do you think is fair?", I thought about this sentence for a long time, and finally I couldn't answer it, because... you can also think about it, what is really fair? (Everyone thinks for 5 seconds Zhong~) Well, that's why I suddenly realized that since birth, everyone's conditions are different, starting lines are different, and everyone's situation is different when facing difficulties, so why do you keep tangled "Fairly unfair" "This matter? And you are targeting this person, this matter, and other things that can be compared. It is unfair to compare you with this thing, and it is not fair to you, but maybe you are compared to other things. People are not fair, so in the end I found out that when I think this way, I'm actually looking for a way to convince myself that "I'm justifiable to lose." If this method is useful, then it's OK, but the point is It’s just useless, what’s the point of gaining your own sympathy? So I’ll be less likely to have such a situation in the future, and I’ll slowly adjust my mentality. When I think that this emotion is actually It's a waste of time. When it doesn't help me, I just stop thinking and reconnect. Just like the Internet, the best way to start is to do things directly, that is, if you don't want to. If you think about any feeling, you will start to see what you have to do, and go straight to it. If this emotion is really super indigestible, I will plan it into my schedule management, that is, "You I really can't digest it, well, I'll give you a period of time, if you're upset or sad, you can wait until Friday night and I'll give you the whole time, and then you go there to vent", this is what I do to myself The way of speaking, so at that time, I know that I can vent, but usually by that time your emotions will be slowly faded, and you will feel that it’s okay, or you simply forgot , but you will also know that if you forget, you have forgotten, and you have no chance to make up for it. I want to continue to vent this emotion on Sunday. No, it means that you have forgotten, so this feeling is also A self-training method of time management, or an alternative punishment (because of not fulfilling my own time plan), this is the way I don't know where I want to come from, and then I will give you a reference, although I don't know if this is correct Yes, but it does save me a lot of time, and There is also unnecessary emotional stacking, and you can gradually compare things objectively as you see things.

Unequal weight of conclusions

Then when it comes to universities and research institutes, I gradually increase my horizons, and I found that when you deal with problems to the end, you are often the last resort. Just like the law, the law is the minimum limit of morality. The representative said, if you have to use the law to discuss everything, then you actually have no bottom line. Your bottom line is the law. Do you still need to communicate with this person? I discovered this concept too late, and as a result, the example of right and wrong double-edged in front of me drove away some very good people around me, leaving only The person who loves you so much is your family, or your really good friend, or your other half, I think it's a pity when I look back on it, because my mind was not that mature at that time. , I can't think about it, and then I can't get out of that circle, but it's also because of this that I can better understand how precious the noble people around me are now, so now I just think that it is only better for negotiation, There is no right or wrong, there is no winning or losing. In terms of emotion, there is no need to discuss right and wrong at all. It is just tolerance. To put it simply, "just leave right and wrong to yourself." The only thing you need to do is to train yourself to be right or wrong. The real right is everything you believe in, just like religion. It is what you believe in and what you do. If you can do it, it means that you think It's right, and when someone tells you what's right, I think it's just that he can't continue to argue with you in other ways, just like school, education in this society is most of the What you want to say is right, very few people will tell you how to do it better, because better needs to be explained, then I don't need to tell you right or wrong directly, so when you suggest a person how to do it, it will be better. When it's good, people who are more direct will often ask you back, "What's wrong? What's wrong?" When you explain it, it means that you are arguing about what is right, but in fact You just want to tell him what you think would be better, you don't have to deny his idea, this is an experience I got during the consultation process, it's better than talking to him directly." You're going to die like this", you might as well tell him "how it might be better", I watched a video before, and the lecturer was called Dan Lok, and he said "When you say something, It represents one thing, and if you say it from the other person's mouth, it is the conclusion of the whole thing", its original text is in English, it is called

"When you say something, it means one thing; when they say something, it means everything.".

Dan Lok

practice experience

So I think how soft power such as negotiation needs to be used to see the difference in ability, that is, the layout of your speech and the mastery of the rhythm, and the second is whether you can speak to the point without being too white, absolutely not It's because of how many right and wrong you have won, because after all, you still have to convince the customer before you have the opportunity to verify whether your method is useful. If you do something wrong, it's useless, and it's all over again, so when you want to express your opinion, I think you can try not to mention right or wrong right away, otherwise if you talk too much, the conversation will end immediately, then you will be behind The prepared materials are of no use. Maybe doing this will be able to continue your conversation, and then the discussion will be longer and more complete, and finally find the real question and answer.

Original link Independent sample creation process