<I just don't want to be you>

I forgot when it started, for a long time or even now, I would suddenly think about how my character was shaped from time to time.

Through the process of self-talk, introspection and recall, research and seek the cause and effect relationship.

I have always felt that I don't have a fixed personality, and that my so-called explicit personality is just an image made up of personal abilities and communication skills.

The cognitive formation includes but is not limited to comments from others, the exploration of self-feelings, and the output of introspection results.

Before the recent period, in addition to life experience, I always felt that my image performance and social ability were more learned through the content of film and television dramas and books.

Bandura's observational learning theory.

Whether it's watching a drama or reading a book, my speed and progress are very slow.

I deeply feel that while I am watching the plot, lines, and words of each paragraph, my head will subconsciously ponder what I want to express: for example, observing the dialogue between two characters will bring What kind of atmosphere or consequence, what kind of words, vocabulary, word order, emotional progression and tone will they use to say what they think or achieve their purpose, what is there in this process that I can try to apply to real life of.

Even watching various types of reality variety shows, talk shows, talk shows, cross talk or speeches, I would hit pause and think on my own when I saw certain clips.

That's the creativity and point of view from different people.

Imitate and internalize, and practice.

In the end it becomes a natural habit, "attitude" and "mindset".

My mother has said more than once in my different ages: I don't know who your character is like.

Every time I just casually say I don't know either.

It's been a while since I've started to see that there's a point that really makes a difference, and it's sprouting and savage.

As if, it turned out that I was actually using the people around me as a reference, consciously or unintentionally, trying to remind myself not to be that kind of person.

Don't let yourself have the "character" in them that makes me uncomfortable, dislike or even hate.

Unless used as a weapon against bad guys.

This is especially reflected in my relationship with my parents and family. From another perspective, these so-called "characters" may also be learned to resolve conflicts and problems.

To give a few examples.

My dad's machismo, stubbornness, and authoritarianism were the points that made me very uncomfortable, so I reminded myself not to be like him, and then I gradually had a "character expression" of tolerance, openness, and willingness to accept, and in The "social competence" formed on these foundations.

My mother's warm-heartedness, complacency, and worry are the things that I am very uncomfortable with, so I reminded myself not to be like her, and then I gradually became indifferent, selfish and bold "character performance", and in these "Social competence" formed on the basis of

My brother's immaturity, selfishness, and dependence are what I hate very much, so I remind myself not to be the same person as him, and then I gradually have a more mature, more considerate and independent "character expression" , and the "social competence" formed on these foundations.

See, it's very conflicting, is there any point that I hate, but at a certain moment, it becomes a point that I need to learn.

But from the perspective of the multifaceted personality, it is reasonable because of constant change and creation.

Yu Kewei also sang, the only constant in the world is that people are fickle.

It is said that the family of origin greatly shapes the personality of an individual. This is true.

And it's not ordinary big.

It is the kind of thing that makes people suddenly discover in a fragmented daily life that this influence has been rooted in the soil of physical and psychological development, and it has become an existence like a filter, which does not stop when the subjective consciousness is slack. Controlled screening of foreign good and bad nutrients absorbed in the growth process, and then combined and integrated into one.

Deep-rooted, like a shadow.

And the formation of my own concept of marriage and love is more or less inseparable from this basis. Of course this is another story.

There are thousands of reasons for yearning for marriage or not, but the core point is inseparable from the scenes you have seen and the atmosphere you have felt at home. The perception and cognition they bring to you are enough to make or destroy your love for marriage. expectations.

The last thing I want to say is that I have found myself to be a super invincible and willful person, and I have a tendency to become more self-willed as I grow up. At the same time, I also found that my various character expressions and social abilities are all to satisfy my self-willedness. For this, I can learn various techniques.

How about you?