【Essay】Are funerals for the dead or for the living?

Note: This is not a reading experience, but an expression of my recent mood.

Recently, my grandfather passed away at the age of 100. Traditionally, it is considered a celebration. Whether it is an obituary or a memorial ceremony, it is based on red. Passing away at the age of 100 can be considered to have relieved the physical pain, and can be freed from the confinement of the body and move on to the next journey.

However, it was originally a joy and funeral. A few months before my grandfather passed away, family discord began to surface. A few months before my grandfather's death, his physical condition began to deteriorate sharply. I can even talk about politics with my children and grandchildren, but recently I started to not recognize people, and my physical condition is getting worse and worse. At this time, my relatives began to have differences of opinion on the care of my grandfather.

This conflict became more intense after my grandfather passed away and when I was planning a funeral. Although my children and grandchildren were on the brink of a storm, what I saw and heard during this period made me think carefully. There are still many things in my life that I have not figured out. , then through writing to express to record the feelings of this period.

When should you let go? no one wants to be the bad guy

My grandfather was in extremely poor health a few months before his death, and he was unable to take care of himself before he left. The basic food, drink and Lhasa in life were a great test for his grandfather. There are many cases in life, describing many critically ill patients or elderly people who rely on respirators or drips in the hospital to maintain a basic heartbeat and breathing, but have long lost their ability to express themselves. It is difficult to describe this situation as living "with dignity".

Many people say that it is time to let go, and letting go at the right time is also a kind of relief and consideration for me. Is the above-mentioned life in the hospital really alive? Or just maintain an organism that breathes and has a heartbeat.

But back to reality, assuming that the relatives really start to go into shock and enter a critical state, it is a very difficult decision to say "give up" to the doctor. After all, no one wants to be that seemingly executioner role.

religion? custom? Who has the final say?

The arrangement at the funeral even brought to the surface the differences of ideas between relatives. From the beginning, from Buddhism or Taoism, to whether it was necessary to fold lotus flowers and ingots, and the arrangement of the mourning hall, there were quite a few disputes. with discussion.

A relative of a Buddhist master came to the mourning hall and saw that everyone was folding lotus and ingots, and he said bluntly: At that time, don’t burn such things. Folding lotus is useless, and it is disrespectful to the Buddha. Just recite Amitabha Buddha!

Relatives can be said to be dumbfounded at the moment, and perhaps the master will be proud of his blunt words. In life, there are often people who think that speaking directly and not swiping their feet is their advantage, but this kind of argument just covers up the side that is not good at words and has no empathy.

In all fairness, it is difficult for Taiwan's religions to be divided into Buddhism and Taoism. After many religions enter different countries or cultures, they will be derived into different sects and rituals. In reality, traditional customs are more like " "Taiwan Religion", which integrates Buddhism and Taoism as well as Confucian traditional culture, has become a regional faith by itself. The so-called "orthodox" has long since existed in my own point of view, and whether "orthodox" means better, this is another question mark.

After that, there was no consensus on the lack of style of the mourning hall, or the arrangements related to the first seven. Relatives come from different regions, and each region has its own customs, and these arrangements are more difficult to reach a consensus without a standard answer. Later, everyone felt that they were doing it for the good of their grandfather and fell into a dilemma of disputes.

And some people will only use afterthoughts, and when they need to do something, they will only shout that they are not in good health, their eyes are not good, they cannot get up in the morning, etc. This is another story.

Are funerals for the dead or for the living?

The funeral is considered the last party for the dead, and it also implies a watershed for the living to continue, which means that after the funeral, life will return to normal.

I don’t think there will be an answer to this question in the title in a short period of time, but what I have seen and heard recently, I feel that it is more for the living, and the deceased is gone. If people have perception after death, and see the future generations like this, I don’t know how they will feel?