581 Written in the 100 days of Xu Zhiyong's arrest: Although I am weak, I will never be silent | Li Qiaochu

野兽爱智慧
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Beast Press: I don't know Xu Zhiyong and I haven't seen him, but I have always paid attention to him. Knowing that he was in jail, then his sentence was up, he was released again, and then I read this article of him in February . I started to worry about him again, for fear that he would be imprisoned again. really.

According to the BBC Chinese website:

"Chinese political activist Xu Zhiyong was taken away by the police in Guangzhou on February 15. A number of people familiar with the matter confirmed to BBC Chinese that Xu Zhiyong was taken away from the house of Guangzhou lawyer Yang Bin, where he was hiding, by the Panyu District Public Security Bureau. Yang Bin's family of three were also detained. 24 hours, returned home on Sunday (Feb 16) evening.

BBC Chinese called the Panyu branch of the Guangzhou Public Security Bureau at about 10:30 pm on February 16. The police officer on the line said that there was no way to confirm the information on the phone because it "involved secrets and personal privacy."

The Panyu police officer added: "(As for) what he is involved in, whether he has been detained by the public security organs, we will send it to his family within 24 hours in the form of a family notice, or he can apply for a lawyer. I know." And emphasized that "send within 24 hours", because "it must be based on personal wishes, if you are unwilling to notify your family, you can only send it in the form of registered mail, which will take a long time."

Patrick Poon, a researcher at Amnesty International, said, "Xu Zhiyong's detention shows that the Chinese government's fight against the epidemic has done nothing to change its comprehensive campaign to silence all dissidents and ruthlessly crack down on freedom of speech."

"Xu Zhiyong has been under surveillance by the authorities since he attended a meeting of human rights activists in Xiamen in December. He has since criticized Xi Jinping's handling of the epidemic crisis," Pan Jiawei said.

“Xu Zhiyong and several others are under investigation by the authorities for their participation in the Xiamen Conference. They are now forcibly detained and at risk of torture or other ill-treatment.”

"Xu Zhiyong and the other detainees did not commit a crime," Pan Jiawei said. "They were suppressed only because they were conducting activities in a peaceful manner. The Chinese authorities must release them immediately and unconditionally."

In mid-December last year, after a number of Chinese lawyers and citizen activists attended a gathering in Xiamen, Fujian, the Chinese police launched arrests in Fujian, Shandong, Beijing, Hebei, Sichuan, Zhejiang and other places, but the public information of the gathering was very limited. few.

Xu Zhiyong then fled from Beijing because he had a premonition that he would be arrested, traveled to various places, and was finally arrested in Guangzhou. During the escape, Xu Zhiyong said in a video reply to the BBC Chinese interview question that this large-scale arrest was not accidental, but premeditated.

He said in the video, "In the past seven years, almost all independent social organizations and groups have been suppressed, and the citizen group has been under pressure. Because they (the authorities) want every Chinese to be a subject, and we persistently think Awaken the nation and be a citizen.

Xu Zhiyong is the main founder of "Gongmeng" and "New Citizens Movement", a leader in promoting Chinese citizens' movement and advocating non-violent movement. He was sentenced to four years in prison in 2014 for "gathering a crowd to disturb order in a public place", and he was basically monitored around the clock after he was released from prison.

Xu Zhiyong's friend, Hua Ze, who lives in the United States, often communicates with Xu Zhiyong by email, "many times a day". The last time she received an email from Xu was around 10:30 a.m. on the 15th.

Hua Ze said that the lack of a reply this time was unusual. "I have not received a reply from Xu within 24 hours once or twice before, but it was all because he was moving places."

Hua Ze told a friend in China that Xu was taken away from Yang Bin's house at 6 pm on the 15th, and three members of the Yang family were also taken away. The official first confirmed Xu's location and came to the door on the grounds of investigating the new coronary pneumonia epidemic. Xu was identified through facial recognition. The source could not be named for fear of his own safety.

BBC Chinese is currently unable to independently confirm the exact process by which Xu was taken away.

Social activist Hu Jia said on Twitter that Li Qiaochu, Xu's girlfriend in Beijing, sent a message early on Sunday that "someone was knocking on her door" and then lost contact for more than 20 hours, possibly related to Xu's arrest.

According to Hua Ze, Xu Shi learned of the disappearance of lawyer Ding Jiaxi when he returned to Beijing at the end of last year, and he began his escape.

Ding Jiaxi's wife Luo Shengchun said on Twitter that Ding Jiaxi has been missing for more than 50 days, and his family and lawyers do not know what crime Ding committed.

Ding Jiaxi, 53, was an aeronautical engineer who turned to a lawyer and launched the "New Citizens Movement" with Xu Zhiyong and others. He was criminally detained in April 2013 for his involvement in requiring officials to disclose property and equal educational rights for the children of migrant workers, and was later convicted by a court of "gathering a crowd to disturb public order" and sentenced to three and a half years in prison. "

Continue to monitor his safety. I read an article by his girlfriend Li Qiaochu today. If you know more about what happened during this day, please share it with your friends.

This film recorded the ups and downs of Xu Zhiyong and Gongmeng for 4 years. Strive not to comment, to restore the truth.



Li Qiaochu: Written in the 100 days of Xu Zhiyong's arrest: Although I am weak, I will never be silent

Li QiaochuSeptember 26, 2020


The words written in the front: We need to write our personal history with pictures and texts. I will mention 2020 in the future. My story is about the fragility and struggle of myself, the persistence and separation from my lover, the watch and help between the community, and the evildoing. The dirty face of the author... They can stop us from publishing anything, but what we have experienced and remembered is still uncontrollable. When you start fighting again, don't forget to keep a smile on the corner of your mouth and sing the song of freedom in your heart.

Painted by Li Qiaochu in August 2019


June 19, 2020 was the day I was released on bail pending trial, and it was also the day when Xu Zhiyong was formally arrested and transferred to the Linshu County Detention Center on the charge of "inciting subversion of state power". When the national security car was a few hundred meters away from where my parents picked me up, they took off the clothes that were covering my head and saw me again 4 months later. When I got off the car, my limbs were shaking uncontrollably. , my mother hugged me and cried for a long time. From the "small prison" back to the "big prison", the person I care about most has not been able to regain "freedom". On that day, I was so sad that I could go out but he was sent to Shandong. There was a lonely and dark road ahead of me. I stood at the intersection, alone.

It has been 100 days since June 19th. Resistance and public expression are processes of self-empowerment. What supports me going forward is my understanding of the concept of "citizenship", my feelings for my partner, and the support of my friends. Every time I overcome my fear, I say to myself, "Can I go further?" The trembling walking posture may not look good, but I always believe that the day will usher in a turnaround.

Handcuffed, New Year's Eve

Question: "Is there any change in me in 2020?" - Answer: "A little bit braver"

In the summer of 2019, once on the subway, Xu Zhiyong quarreled with the police assistant about checking his ID card. I hid at a distance and thought, "Don't take us to the police station." I will hide, maybe I won't think about my life after half a year.

At that time, I had just been diagnosed with depression and began to receive drug treatment and psychological counseling. Most of the time in my spare time, Zhiyong and I followed the constant public events and tried our best to do something. The things I can remember include: On June 28, Li Wenzu, who had been on the “Fufu Road” for more than four years, visited Wang Quanzhang for the first time in prison; on July 4, Zhang Baocheng, who had been taken away for more than a month, was formally arrested , this is his sixth time in prison; on July 23, lawyer Wu Lei was suspended, and he was the one who quietly exited the stage when the curtain opened; on July 24, Changsha Charity Three were arrested, I As a volunteer, he helped translate news in the group; on July 29, Huang Qi was severely sentenced to 12 years. He taught people what freedom and conscience are in the cage of years; on August 12, Zhang Jialong was taken from his home. On September 19, Chen Yunfei was criminally detained for his concern about Hong Kong; on October 17, Xueqin was criminally detained by the Guangzhou police, and then placed under residential surveillance at a designated place; on October 31, Qin Yongpei was detained in Nanning The city police arrested; on December 17, Xiangzi was taken away and administratively detained...

It was also during that time that I learned how to operate wordpress and github. Zhiyong and I compiled his more than 200 articles and memorabilia of various stages of the civic movement, and created the website "Beautiful China": https://cmcn .blog/ , he said half-jokingly at the time: "If I get caught in the future, let everyone know me through this website."

I can't remember the exact date of Zhiyong's departure, but after the first snow in Beijing, he kissed me as usual and went out. After a while, he sent a message saying that he successfully got rid of the follower. The national security guard got on the subway. I asked him how long it would take him to go home this time. He repeatedly promised to get home before my 29th birthday.

On December 27, I suddenly read the news of the arrest of lawyer Ding Jiaxi and three other citizens on the Internet, and I was very nervous. Then I received a message from Zhiyong, "Dear, I may be hiding out for a while. If something happens to me, you can go to my sister to sign a power of attorney, take care of yourself, and love you." Reply, I don't know what happened, I typed a few words "be careful, I will always be there". After that, I lost contact with him. In the next few days, I kept swiping twitter and facebook with my mobile phone to understand the whole story, and I could only know from the fact that Zhiyong was still updating that he was still safe. I couldn't sleep through the night, crying while looking at my phone, not knowing what to do or who to turn to.

On December 30th, I finally received an email from Zhiyong. He said that he was still safe and sent me the completed collection of "Beautiful China", so that I could update it on the website. I went to Xian Cafe and started to enter his article on the website. Tears flowed uncontrollably. When I was watching the news in the afternoon, I suddenly saw the news that Pastor Wang Yi was sentenced to 9 years. I was shocked and sad, and felt that there was a film The dark clouds came over and covered me. After that, I asked Zhiyong in the email, "If we get to the stage of judgment, shall we apply for marriage? I can't imagine not being able to see you for a long time." He replied, "I want to marry you too, But we also have to be mentally prepared that the application process may be difficult." Seeing his response, I burst into laughter, thinking that that moment was enough.

On the morning of December 31st, the National Security Agency started raiding and subpoenaing homes, and I experienced firsthand how big the gap between the law and reality is: "picking quarrels and provoking trouble" could have been due to "joint sitting"; being detained in the case handling center could have been signed as "Anonymous". There was even a state security guard who mentioned the fact that I was looking for a warrant when they ransacked their house that morning, and sarcastically said: "You are a student of economics and management, how do you understand this, it's what Xu Zhiyong taught you when you hear it, don't say it. We have these procedures, but we don't, and I want to ask you a question, what can you do?"

On the day of the summons, the national security guard kept taking pictures of my stickers on the wall


Since January 1, 2020, I have lived a life of being monitored and tracked every day I travel. In the first few days, I recorded my feelings of despair and helplessness on my mobile phone: "The national security guard who followed me today is a burly man and looks so fierce", "Why can they stare at me blatantly without feeling guilty at all. ", "I can't allow myself to get used to this kind of life, this is not what a normal country and normal citizens should encounter"...

On January 9th, after discussing with Zhiyong in the email, I finally summoned up the courage to disclose the specific process and reason of my summons ("Wearing Handcuffs, Crossing the New Year"), I need to put myself in the sun and use the truth. To fight oppression and harassment.

I am happy to fight with you

Love is an adventure to the end, a belief in true democracy and freedom, love this land, act in the impossible, stand on the opposite side of power, thank you, always head up.

At the beginning of January, the National Security Bureau found the project team of the Tsinghua Department of Sociology where I belonged, and I lost my job after that. In the days that followed, my daily life became: reading emails, writing emails, updating website articles, showing solidarity with the 4 citizens under residential surveillance in designated residences, and making public the oppression and stalking that could occur at any time.

Zhiyong and I exchanged emails about the ongoing public events, how to show solidarity with the arrested citizens, and also expressed our thoughts and shared each other's living conditions through emails. He would definitely ask me about my mood and the medical condition every day. His comfort, optimism, and calmness allow me to maintain inner peace in such a cramped and tense environment. Unable to sew again, Shiyong survived the ordeal of pain and violence - a rare feat - and he remains tender. With his encouragement, I went from being afraid of being followed to chasing after my vehicle to take pictures, and I also learned some special skills, such as: identifying whether I was being followed, and getting rid of the national security guards who were following me.

chasing after my car and taking pictures


Resist oppression with graphic design


Heal yourself by painting


On January 23, when the new crown epidemic broke out, Wuhan closed the city overnight, and the people seemed so "insignificant" in the "narrative of a great country". Behind the cold death figures are stories of broken families: a woman in Hanyang, Wuhan used a washbasin on her balcony at home "Knock the gong to save the mother", crying for a hospital bed for the severely ill mother; a 70-year-old uremia patient suspected of suffering from new coronary pneumonia, unable to be dialysis in the hospital, and unable to wait for the community to arrange nucleic acid testing, jumped off the building and died... I have since that day Since then, he has also invested in volunteer work to provide online help to the families of the Wuhan epidemic patients. Zhiyong’s articles during that time were also related to the epidemic. During his escape, he was inconvenient to surf the Internet. In my spare time, I would also organize the relevant news of the day and send it to him.

Zhiyong and I convey our thoughts and concerns for each other through emails


Every day I worry about whether his basic life will be guaranteed while he is on the run, and exile in his home country in the cold winter is never as "romantic" as it sounds on paper. So to this day, I am very grateful to friends like lawyer Yang Bin. Their help allowed him to maintain a decent life during the winter escape, and he would not be too embarrassed. Even when he was taken away, he could dress neatly and calmly.

Before the new year, I pulled out the national shirt at home and ran to the photo studio. This is a New Year's gift for Xu Zhiyong.


February 14th is Valentine's Day, Zhiyong sent me the holiday video he recorded early in the morning, and we both took time to give each other blessings after intense work. That was also the last email he sent me before he was caught. On the evening of February 15th, a friend contacted me and said that Zhiyong might have been arrested. After I was busy with the ventilator docking work at hand, I sent him emails one after another, crying helplessly in the room alone. I couldn't wait for his reply, but I waited for the national security guard who came to arrest me late at night.

My Designated Prison Period

The flesh is soft, and people are not machine parts of politics or sports. We need to work hard to live our normal life.

Regarding the detailed experience of residential surveillance at a designated location, I have already disclosed the process on the day of my arrest and the process of being summoned at the case handling center, and I will continue to disclose it. What I want to share here is my own feelings about this experience.

I have a lot of fragmentation left in my head, such as:

Black hoods and handcuffs, closed rooms, 24-hour white lights;

The guards who watched closely, the chastisement or the gentle discipline, the white coat and the pills;

Fixed sitting and sleeping positions, 24-hour surveillance video and walkie-talkie, lukewarm boiled water;

The thirst for sunlight, the method of contemplating time, the unusually sensitive hearing and information capture...

My memory was surprisingly good during that time, I remember the facial features of each interrogator, the way they spoke, the role played, and even the sound of walking... They said that I had committed a felony, and I was often afraid to speak, afraid to speak. I fell into a trap, but the interrogation was my only chance to speak, and loneliness sometimes made me "look forward" to being interrogated.

I was born in Stockholm: I thanked them for giving me medicine in my "repentance letter"; I often vomited after meals for emotional reasons, and the exasperated management reprimanded me, threatened to change the guards from 2 to 3, cancel the activity time , I actually apologized to him for my vomiting, almost begging; when I cried, the guards handed me a tissue to wipe my tears, and I thanked him for it; I ate all the oranges, chocolates and rice crackers brought by the interrogators during the interrogation. down...

A lot of motivation for me to support there comes from knowing that that time is the closest place I can be to Xu Zhiyong in a few months or in the next few years. I especially long for any special function or telepathy that I can "talk" to him. The interrogator showed me our photo on the computer, and I tried my best to print it in my head. I think over and over again about the daily life we get along with, so that these scenes can also appear in the dream.

I learned to meditate on the movies, poems, and novels I have watched to fill the blockbuster time I sat in the chair. Those precious memories also allow me to slowly filter out the "brainwashed" content and keep my own. Vitality, not allowing myself to become the machine they "discipline", I used almost all my strength.

On the morning of June 19, when the National Security Council read out the "Decision on Bail Pending Trial" to me, I sat in a chair slightly numb, and did not feel the joy of regaining my freedom. More is confused, do not know how to go on this road with only one person after going out. The day after coming out, I tried to sort out my experience inside, but I lost my memory of some painful episodes. Our social movement often emphasizes that a person must be strong, not afraid of any hardships, and showing his weakness is not encouraged. More attention and publicity have given a bigger and more heroic theme, but psychological trauma is ignored or stigmatized by many.

In the days when I first came out, I had panic, nightmares, insomnia, inability to concentrate, high alertness, traumatic flashbacks, tremors in my limbs... At the same time, I also lived as a "quasi-underground worker" and met with friends He speaks in a low voice and watches his surroundings vigilantly. At the same time, my parents are worried about my safety to the point of being nervous, often "self-censoring", worrying that every time I go out, worrying that I talk too much, worrying that there are "informers" around me, and even worrying that the national security has a bad impression of me , I feel that our whole family is suffering from "detective mania".

I often dream about the situation where I write a letter of repentance. The guilt and humiliation continue to torment me, and I constantly blame myself: why did I stand there obediently, watching them rummage through my things, put handcuffs and blackheads on me What about the set? Why should the submissive sit halfway up the chair? Do I have anything to miss? The feeling of being alone, of being constrained in strength and will, controlled me. We are oppressed by the system, each of us has been involved in building this system in different ways, and yet we end up being powerless even to resist passively. Our obedience enables those who actively serve the system to do whatever they want. A sinful space is created, and how can one escape from it?

Break the silence and face the fear

If you cannot speak bravely, you cannot act freely. We should not shy away or bother to speak, but also speak out about details, wounds, and weaknesses. Those who avoid talking about it and keep it secret are exactly the things they fear us to do.

After I came out on June 19, I went into a state of "silence", I didn't dare to contact the outside world, and I was afraid that I would be arrested again. On June 24th, I shivered and posted my first tweet. Although I only dared to post a cryptic picture, I was happy that I could take the first step. Soon after, a phone call from the National Security Bureau said that he had been watching to see if my voice appeared on the Internet, and warned me to "seem to disappear". On June 25th, I sent my first tweet with text, saying, "They warned me to disappear like I was so afraid of disappearing." But I know that the National Security will never stop me from interfering with monitoring and threatening me because I am silent, avoiding, and cooperating. Since it is unavoidable, why not work hard to gain a lot of space.

On July 8, Zhiyong's second sister went to the detention center for the first time to save money. First, she said that there was no such person in the investigation, but also said that it must be approved by the task force. From that day on, I started to speak out on Twitter for what was illegal in the case process (like being held under a pseudonym, not being allowed to meet with a lawyer, not being allowed to communicate). On July 13, I began to apply to the Linyi City Public Security Bureau for information disclosure in response to these circumstances, and I would reconsider it one month later, and then wait for an administrative prosecution. On August 27th, I began the process of filing a disclosure request for my rights violation. Every step of the effort has its value, even if it is to let everyone see: as a family member and an individual, how difficult it is to defend your rights in China according to law, this is meaningful.

Like to design their own promotional pictures when tweeting


With my voice and actions, interviews with the national security guards began to become more frequent. The number of national security guards increased from 2, to 3, and then to 4. Every time I received a call, my heart beat faster. It is difficult to respond well, and most of the time is silent. But every time I come back, I will bite the bullet and write down the process before making it public. In a recent interview, the national security guard changed back to 2 people, and the attitude of speaking has also been adjusted. From the very beginning, I will be warned when I brush my presence, but now, there is already a certain space for voice and action. Only I can understand how trembling and cautious I was during the whole process. I was so lonely that I had to speak, and I was so lonely that I might not be able to speak again at any time. Who else could take over? I haven't dared to imagine such an outcome.

On August 19, I published my first experience of living under surveillance in a designated location, and on August 24, I published the second. Afterwards, frequent threats and interviews disrupted my weekly article plan, but also helped me inadvertently expand publicity and attract more people’s attention. I will continue to insist on making it public. Indignation can easily be dispelled by time, but only the truth will not change. Even if everyone forgets it, it has its own witnesses. We should continue to promote the inquiry of the truth and the perpetrators. be held accountable. Whether it is a covert threat of suppression or a blatant reversal of black and white, one cannot tolerate and remain silent.

We need to discern what fear the power wants us to feel. That is the deep fear of punishment, deportation, imprisonment. We need to have the ability to speak out about fear together because it shows the connectedness of someone fighting alongside you. We need to let go of our obsession with individual heroes, individual public intellectuals, and individual courage, and realize that we have the power to support each other in our efforts to create a world with less fear.

What needs to be confronted is not only suppression, but also depression

Depression is not an absolute disaster, she will also give me unimaginable strength. I insist on treatment because I always care about myself.

During the struggle, my depression went up and down, and I never left. I had many thoughts of suicide and self-injury. When Zhiyong was with me, I sometimes locked myself in the closet, holding my coat and smelling the clothes, feeling like I was not a body. He would try to persuade me to open a small slit in the closet. He sat in the closet. On the chair outside, holding me in one hand, I stayed silent.

Xu Zhiyong was photographed in September 2019


After the accident, my depression became more serious, and the doctor increased the dose of medicine. Because of my first subpoena experience, I was worried that I would be restrained by the medicine after being arrested again. worse. Sometimes I lay on the ground like a puddle of mud, unable to do anything. But in the end, with a lot of love, admiration and curiosity about this world, understanding, reluctance, and unwillingness, as well as the air of gossamer expectations for the future life, I learned to accept my own disease, and bring them with me, Keep walking on this dark and lonely road and try to finish it.

I am not an island

I can also fight because I don't want to leave my companions, and "companions" are not only family members of the same case, but also family members of all cases, as well as all people who pursue freedom and justice...

The appearance of the 709 family members has become a standard model for family members to fight, but I know that the current environment is still different from theirs. So, what to do?

The first person to connect with me was Sister Shengchun, the wife of lawyer Ding Jiaxi in the same case. Day after day, from her twitter, I witnessed how she "used all her strength" to appeal for her husband through the Internet: Lawyer Ding was arrested. On the 10th day of her disappearance, she began to make a self-reported video, telling the story about Lawyer Ding, calling for wider attention; on the 20th day after Lawyer Ding was disappeared, she tried to publish the video and the progress of the case in both Chinese and English, calling on the international community to Concerned; on the 28th day of lawyer Ding's disappearance, she held a placard on the streets of Washington; on the 32nd day of lawyer Ding's disappearance, she began to make "one person, one video" to mobilize friends around her to speak up for her husband; On the 43rd day, she began to collect signatures and send letters to the Minister of Public Security; on the 271st day when lawyer Ding was disappeared, she appeared at the UN Human Rights Council for her husband's voice... She sent a total of 15 letters to lawyer Ding. Lawyer Ding's right of correspondence, and tirelessly sue the relevant departments... That kind of perseverance and tenacity has always touched me. When I am weak, as long as I see Sister Shengchun still in action, I will regain my strength.

Cheng Yuan has been arbitrarily detained for more than 340 days, serving HIV-infected people and hepatitis B virus carriers. It is his long-term work to promote the elimination of family planning and the reform of the household registration system. No more news. His wife Shi Minglei resisted pressure and threats to speak out for him, and fought for her due rights, with gentle strength against injustice. When I saw Sister Minglei, I knew what a good person Cheng Yuan was. Recently, news of the secret trial came out of Changsha Charity Three. I was almost discouraged that day, but when I woke up the next morning, I saw sister Minglei holding a small pea on Twitter, and she began to look like she was "full of blood and resurrected". Going to the court to punch in, I was so excited that I burst into tears.

In addition, Chen Kun, the elder brother of Chen Mei, Cai Wei's girlfriend Hong Bo, the artist's wife Liu Lijiao, Yu Wensheng's wife Xu Yan, Tan Yongpei's wife Deng Xiaoyun, the poet Wang Zang and his wife Wang Li, He Fangmei, the mother of the vaccine baby, Pu Wenqing, Huang Qi's mother, and Zhang Zhan, a citizen journalist who has been on hunger strike for many days... I miss many people. Although I may have never met, this is a kind of "community" feeling, we are rooted On the common land, waiting for the snowmelt and spring together.

And in addition to the ongoing cases, my community includes all the protesters. They have appeared beside family members of unjust cases, workers who suffered injustice, petitioners who suffered violence and persecution, and migrant workers in urban villages who faced eviction... But because of the filth and filth in the tower, their voices became "Sin", was marginalized and stigmatized in the environment of "talking about political discoloration".

speaking is fighting

We must learn to take a positive attitude, try more forms of social resistance according to our own abilities, vision, time and burden, and maintain a "sincere, responsible and dignified" self.

I knew I needed a social support network, but I didn't have one, so I started trying to build one myself. I started by forming a mutual support group with my friends who had similar experiences of Residential Surveillance, gained a safe space to express and be understood, and regained the confidence to go on with my life knowing that I was not alone.

When I lost contact, my friends supported me with a brush


But what if I don't want to stop there? What if we wanted more people to understand the meaning of our running call signs? What if we want not only the fleeting attention of public opinion, but also a long-lasting social consensus? What if we wish to understand the concept of residential surveillance in a designated location no longer necessarily at the expense of the same victimization?

I think this is also the meaning of my disclosure of my experience under residential surveillance at a designated location, and I hope to encourage more witnesses to share their experiences and stories. Perhaps the distinction between "us" and "other" was never necessary. In the face of a strong system, what we can do is to maintain our dignity and independent space, and reduce the pressure and harm of power to individuals.

Epilogue

Some time ago, I went to take a photo of the look in a wedding dress. I really want to have the opportunity to send the photos to Xu Zhiyong in the future. I want him to know that the time with him is happy, and the life of fighting with him is also joy. When I was summoned, when I was followed, when I was interviewed, when I was assigned to a prison, those experiences always taught me to grow and be strong. Compared with those known or unknown difficulties, I actually encountered beauty. I miss him the most when things happen, and it's a pity that he couldn't be by my side when he was at my best age.

Taken in September 2020


Along the way, I may not be able to return to the original trajectory of life. I gradually saw more family members and activists in the process of running and appealing, and gradually re-acquainted with my loved ones, my rights, and the next generation. I finally realized that the original "people" can be like this, and they can choose to live with integrity and realism.

As long as Xu Zhiyong is not free, I will not stop speaking and acting.

Related Reading:

【Crossing the New Year in Handcuffs: After 12.31 Summoning】



Li Qiaochu: 120 days of being convicted and under designated residential surveillance (not finished)

Author: Li Qiaochu


At around eleven o'clock on the evening of February 15th, at Xu Zhiyong's home in Changping District, I was busy volunteering for the Wuhan epidemic. A friend sent a message to ask about Zhiyong's situation, saying, "I heard that he was arrested." At that time, I also had about 8 , I haven't contacted him for 9 hours, and I am very anxious and worried. At 00:26 a.m. on February 16, I was about to go to bed when I suddenly heard a loud knock on the door, and a male voice shouted: "Open the door! Security check!" I heard this at home alone late at night He was very frightened by the sound, he hurriedly picked up his mobile phone, and with trembling hands, he sent a message to his friend, "Someone is knocking on the door."

Two men in white protective suits rushed through the door in the name of "safety inspection during the epidemic", pushed me onto a chair and asked me to sit down and put on a disposable mask. I was about to ask their identities when a man who came in without a uniform and did not show his ID suddenly handcuffed me from behind and said, "We belong to the Public Security Bureau." I saw the two who broke in first took off their protective suits and muttered, "It's killing me." Although I have been tracked by the national security vehicle for a month and a half, I still did not expect this visit. When I recovered, there were about 10 people in the room who were not wearing uniforms and had no identification. Male, I found out that I was still wearing my pajamas, and hurriedly said that I needed to change my clothes. One of them said to me, "Wait a while, a female policeman will be here soon." I sat on the chair and waited for another 5 or 6 minutes. , a uniformed female police officer with a bodyguard entered the house and took me into the bedroom to change my clothes.

I changed my clothes and went back to the chair in the living room. A Haidian national security guard who had met when I was summoned on December 31, 2019 came in, showed me the summons notice, and read out with a blank face: "Li Qiaochu, You are now being summoned on suspicion of inciting subversion of state power.” Hearing this charge, I was stunned, trying to think back to which of my actions constituted this crime, what I would face next, that kind of unease and anxiety about the future. Fear kept coming. Next, the security guard led two officers to search the two bedrooms of Xu Zhiyong's house, and I continued to be asked to sit on a chair with my back in handcuffs. I watched them take out mobile phones, USB flash drives, laptops, books and other items from the living room and put them in airtight bags, and then asked me to sign the list of searched items for confirmation. At the same time, there were also the staff of the property in Aobei Community. In the middle of the search, the national security guard who just read out the summons asked, "Do you remember me?" I said, "Remember," and he said, "It seems that what I warned you about before was completely in vain, right?" Xu Zhiyong's house was searched After finishing, they said they were going to search my own home in Tianzuo International Community, Haidian District. Before leaving, I asked if I could bring the little turtle and little goldfish kept in the fish tank (that's Zhiyong's daughter's favorite). pets), the national security guard who read the summons notice smiled helplessly and said, "We can't let you bring a fish tank."

About 30 minutes later, the car stopped downstairs at my house. I was wearing handcuffs the whole time. I didn't dare to say a word on the road. About 4 or 5 police officers searched my house. There is not much space in my house. They rummaged through bookshelves, cabinets, under the bed, and in the wardrobe, and found an unused mobile phone, scanner, and voice recorder. , and the citizen seal that I used to send postcards to prisoners of conscience before, and asked me to sign the search item list, during which the staff of Tianzuo International Community Property was present. I asked if I could take a painkiller. I have a migraine problem, and the state security officer in charge of the search poured me a glass of water. Before leaving, I pointed to the cabinet and asked if I could put my antidepressant medication in my carry-on bag, or the national security guard who was in charge of the search. Inside, he said to me, "Don't worry, if it takes a long time, we will also be responsible for prescribing medicine for you." When I heard the words "longer time", I sighed in my heart, thinking that this might not be similar to the last time. Subpoenaed, what will happen to me, how long will I be out of contact, these are all unknowns.

Half an hour later, I sat in a blue commercial car with my back handcuffed. The handcuffs made my wrists hurt a lot. I tried to adjust my posture, but it got tighter and tighter. Afterwards, the car arrived at the Haidian District Case Handling Center. I was also detained here when I was summoned for the first time, and I was released within 24 hours, so a thought flashed through my mind: Will I be released after 24 hours!

Afterwards, after a medical procedure for blood and urine tests, I was asked to sit in handcuffs on an iron chair in the interrogation room. Two plainclothes officers who had not shown their IDs sat across from me. The young one was tall, strong, and very strong. stared at me fiercely; the older one kept his head down and didn't look at me.

At this time, the fierce young man asked me, "Do you know why you were summoned?"

I replied: "I don't know".

He raised his voice to express an even more angry look: "Did you post something random on the Internet?! You were also interviewed by foreign media?"

I was really taken aback by his tone, and my heart beat fast. But there was nothing wrong with my actions, so I tried to calm myself a little bit and try not to let my voice tremble, and I replied, "I just truthfully published my subpoena experience, and the media followed me and called me. After the phone call, I just answered my own experience of being summoned, is this also wrong?"

He ignored my rhetorical question and continued to say loudly, "What have you done all this time? Who have you met? You know it yourself!"

I was at a loss. After I went home in handcuffs for the New Year, even during the Spring Festival, there were special vehicles from the State Security to follow me. They knew all my whereabouts. Why did they ask me who I met? , What did you do? All my actions are carried out under their noses.

Seeing that I didn't speak, another older person said kindly: "What you do will definitely leave traces, we won't find you if there is nothing, and you don't have to rush to answer, after that we have a lot of time to slowly chat."

Hearing this, my heart skipped a beat, I might be "disappeared"! Thinking of what happened to the 709 lawyers I saw online, I couldn't help shivering. The interrogation seemed to be over, so I gathered up the courage and asked, "How is Xu Zhiyong now? Is he okay?"

The kinder man walked up to me and patted my shoulder, and replied, "I can assure you that he is at least healthy now."

After the interrogation, I was asked to sign the transcript of the interrogation. The younger one was obviously dissatisfied with my answer and muttered, "I don't even want to sign this." After that, I was sent back to the room where the case handling center was temporarily detained. I was the only one in the room. I was sitting on a cold slate, handcuffed all the time. Fear, anxiety, and worry kept coming, and it was too cold in the room. I was really sleepy, so I just lay down on the cold stone bench, but I immediately felt the freezing cold. sleepless nights. On the morning of February 16, I was given a vegetable bun, and I applied for antidepressant medicine. The guard said, "We can't be the master either. If you don't have a fever or a cold, just wait."

The time in the case handling center was very torturous. On the one hand, I kept thinking about what I had done and was charged with "inciting subversion". At the same time, I was worried about Zhiyong, who had lost contact with me for more than ten hours: listen: The meaning of the interrogation, he should be arrested, right? Have you been subjected to violence? Is the protection during the epidemic guaranteed? On the other hand, I have not completely let go of the ongoing volunteer work in Wuhan. How is the gender-based violence prevention proposal for Fangcang? Has the patient's family members who were still in communication a few hours ago waited for the hospital bed... The time is spent in complicated thoughts like this.

About the afternoon of the 16th, I was taken to the lobby of the case handling center. Five or six people who were not in uniform and did not show their ID cards got off the car outside the door. They took out a black hood and put it on my head. I can't see anymore. It was the first time I encountered this situation. I was so frightened that my legs were weak and my mind went blank. I was pushed into the car by two people with arms crossed.

I sat in the car in handcuffs and a black hood the whole time. I had no idea of time, how long the car had been driving, or where it was being driven.

When the black hood was removed, I found myself in a room with soft walls all around, a single bed, a table, two chairs, and around me stood 4 or 5 young people There was a female guard in uniform, and an older one was facing me, sternly asking me to take off all my clothes for inspection, and put on the clothes and slippers they had prepared for me in advance. Afterwards, I was asked to sit on a chair in front of the table with my hands on my lap. Three guards stood around me, wearing walkie-talkies, and they called me "Target." They said, "You are not allowed to talk or move around here."

My glasses were confiscated and I was ordered not to look around. I didn't dare to turn my head, squinted my eyes and looked at the room from the corner of my eye, but I was a little surprised when I saw a window the size of a palm in the room, because I could tell whether it was day or night.

I involuntarily tilted my head to the window, and suddenly came: "Target! Sit in front of you! Who allowed you to move?!" I was startled! A young girl in her early 20s stood across from me, her face expressionless and her eyes fixed on me. For the first time I saw that a real person can be like a robot! It was only when they reported my subtle movements, changes in expressions, etc. on their walkie-talkies that I felt that they were also alive.

After dinner, I was still asked to sit still. Suddenly there was movement outside the door, and two figures came in. My heart beat faster involuntarily. Two men in casual clothes entered the room with work certificates in their hands. I couldn't read the names on the certificates and didn't dare to ask.

The tall man said that they were in charge of the pre-trial of my case, and asked me to call him "Officer Li", and also said that he was the presiding judge of Ding Jiaxi's "New Citizen Case" in 2013. Officer Li took out a piece of paper and read, it turned out to be a notice that I was "suspected of inciting subversion of state power" and was placed under "residential surveillance at a designated place". I was thinking about the words "inciting subversion of state power", he looked at me and said in a low voice: "Inciting subversion of state power will lead to the death penalty, and we will implement the management system of death row prisoners for you! Think about it. How do those guards look at you?!"

The word "death penalty" scares me. I was having trouble breathing and my mind went blank. Just now I was thinking of "inciting subversion of state power", but now I can't think of anything. I don't know what they said again, but later I heard and asked me what my needs were.

I took a deep breath, deliberately calmed myself down, and concealed the helpless anxiety I was sitting in this small enclosed house, I said, "I have a relatively serious depression, and I have been taking medication, and I want to recover as soon as possible. Take medicine. Also asked to notify my parents."

When I signed the transcript, I saw that the place of detention on the transcript was called "Beijing Tongda Asset Management Co., Ltd. Guest House". Alas, this small house surrounded by airtight and strict management is actually called a "hostel".

On the evening of February 17, during the second interrogation, Officer Li said: I have informed my father in writing, but regarding the medication, because the Xiehe Hospital I visited before was a fever clinic, I could not obtain my medical record information. Give me medicine.

But I didn't know until I got home on June 19. After I lost contact on February 16, my father contacted the Dongxiaokou police station where Xu Zhiyong's house is located and the Beixiaguan police station where my family is located. The police at the police station did not inform the specific situation. , my father called the Municipal Public Security Bureau again, and the Municipal Public Security Bureau stopped answering the phone after answering the phone twice. About a day later, my father was called to the Yuqiao Police Station in Tongzhou District without any legal formalities. He met the Beijing Municipal Bureau and the National Security Bureau of Tongzhou District. They didn’t say anything at first. Read it and ask him how he feels. My father is very puzzled: you are arresting my daughter, why did you show me Xu Zhiyong's article? Wasn't he arrested because his daughter wrote something?

The National Security Bureau took out another notice and asked my father to sign it. After signing it, the document was taken away. My father was in a hurry and didn't even see what notice he signed.

Later, when my parents were interviewed by Sun Guobao of the Beijing Municipal Bureau, they learned that the crime I was suspected of was "inciting subversion of state power." My mother asked Sun Guobao, "What did my daughter do to be suspected of inciting subversion of state power?" Sun Guobao refused to answer, citing "state secrets". My mother asked: "Is it like our teachers usually mark the subjective questions on the test paper, if they think yes, but if they think no, they are not?" Sun Guobao said: "You can also understand this, we handle cases according to law." "Missing" is really the most bizarre thing in life.

In this small room under "Residential Surveillance at Designated Residence", the bright white light above my head is on 24 hours a day. For the first month and a half, I had to sit in a fixed position for 4 hours in the morning and afternoon, and I could take advantage of the movement when I was eating or going to the toilet. I sometimes asked for water many times in exchange for the opportunity to change my posture. Sitting motionless for 8 hours a day, the whole body is stiff, as if the blood has coagulated.

The three female robot guards standing beside me, will their experience of guarding "death row inmates" be of great benefit to their lives? What do they think in their hearts when they watch me sleep, shower, and go to the toilet?

In the next two and a half months, there was one less robot guard, and I was allowed to stand up and walk for 20 minutes every two hours. I won it all for you, why do you only talk about how you suffer inside, what is the part that we treat you well? Do you have to speak your conscience as a human being?”).

Schematic diagram of the designated residential surveillance scene drawn in September 2020


Due to sitting in the same position for a long time, my calf muscles began to atrophy, and it was difficult to walk after I got out. I fell asleep every night, facing the bright lights above my head. I was prone to insomnia and neurasthenia. At first, I couldn't sleep at all. As soon as I covered my eyes with my hands, the guards yelled at me and sometimes violently pulled my arm down. I just learned that sleeping also requires a fixed posture. You must lie on your back, and your hands, shoulders, neck, and face must be exposed outside the quilt without any cover. The posture changes after falling asleep will also be awakened by the robot.

I gradually came to know the "rules" that I need to abide by in the "supervised place": I must obey the management of the guards; if there is any problem, I must raise my hand to report, and the guards will report up through the walkie-talkie, and only after permission can proceed; When people enter, they must not look around at will; when moving indoors, they must walk slowly and keep a certain distance from windows and walls; housekeeping facilities are neatly arranged, and guards must supervise when going to the toilet and bathing. . If they do not follow the rules, they will be reprimanded by the guards and correctional staff, and threatened to deprive them of the limited time for daily activities.


I was completely deprived. Anyone who appeared in front of me could reprimand, threaten, and educate me. In the name of "national security", this correctional system endowed itself with unlimited power and exercised absolute power to the maximum extent. This is a deprivation of vitality. The correctional system, in an attempt to turn the supervised people into "obedient machines", lives for the purpose of being constantly interrogated.


Li Qiaochu , a feminist, a researcher on labor issues, graduated from the School of Labor and Human Resources of Renmin University of China with a bachelor’s degree, and graduated from York University with a master’s degree in public policy. He later worked as a research assistant at Tsinghua University. Li Qiaochu has long been involved in, concerned and researched on labor, women's rights and civil rights protection issues in mainland China. Her research area involves policy issues such as pension insurance from a labor perspective.

In the autumn and winter of 2017, during the forced demolition and expulsion of migrant workers in the suburbs of Beijing to "clean up the low-end population", the leaders and other volunteers continued to collect and collect information, share the information, and widely disseminate it to the severely affected communities, so that the lost Migrant workers at work and shelter get leads on employment, free and affordable accommodation.

After 2018, she actively participated in spontaneous civil movements such as anti-996 and MeToo, integrated archives and wrote reports, and supported various prisoners of conscience and their families on Twitter and other platforms.

The leader was diagnosed with depression in June 2019 and must take medicine as prescribed by the doctor on a regular basis, but her illness did not affect her continuing to work for social justice. After the outbreak in Wuhan this year, she participated in several online and offline volunteer collaboration groups to distribute masks to local sanitation workers in Beijing. At the same time, she assists pregnant women in the epidemic area in self-help and mutual assistance, and connects with doctor volunteers. Seeing that the epidemic included some problems in Fangcang shelter hospitals and lacked attention to gender issues, especially the prevention of gender-based violence, she immediately organized volunteers to collect and sort out suggestions for preventing sexual violence in a state of emergency.

Because of her long-term and deep involvement in civil society activities, she has been harassed by state security and public security many times. Since the beginning of December 2019, the state security has been on duty outside her residence every day, and her commute to and from get off work has been tracked and monitored, which seriously violated her daily privacy and civil rights.

After the 12.26 citizen case , the authorities conducted a large-scale search for citizens who participated in the Xiamen party, including the famous boyfriend Xu Zhiyong . On December 31, 2019, the leader was summoned by the Beijing police for 24 hours while Xu Zhiyong was in exile, and spent the New Year at the Public Security Bureau of Haidian District, Beijing. She later published "Crossing the New Year in Handcuffs: After Being Summoned on 12.31" on the Internet, announcing the subpoena process, calling on more people to break their fears, pay attention to and support the "12.26 Citizenship Case". Xu Zhiyong was taken away by the police in Guangzhou on the evening of February 15, 2020, and Li Qiaochu was also taken away by the Beijing police in the early morning of February 16. There has been no news so far. Coercive measures and charges involved.

(Refer to the information of the 1226 case concern group, updated on February 27, 2020)

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