"Buy back your freedom?"

Date of the original text: 2019.10.20 "The original text is linked to the related works below"

Time: 2021.12.08

Location: Kaohsiung City

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Two years ago, because I didn't want to obey anyone anymore, I didn't want to be kidnapped by the so-called "country, responsibility, honor", so I was discharged from the army, but maybe no one has ever restricted me. The dogma instilled in me in the military.

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In fact, it is not really willing in my heart. To a certain extent, I have to obey and believe. Because if you don't obey and believe, it will be difficult to survive in the army, and you resist continuing to believe in these values that you don't want to believe in, so you choose to retire.

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Maybe the reason why I am willing to believe in certain values is to want to survive to a certain extent, but sometimes I am not sure if it is really only by choosing to believe and embark on this path in order to survive. Just choosing to leave itself, in fact, I still believe that if you want to survive, you have to obey the environment.

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Only then did I find that I was constantly helping myself to find things to do, working hard to run my business, and I was looking forward to earning more money than before I was discharged from the army. Even if you change the way to make money, you still believe that you need money to live a good life. I still believe that money is needed to survive, so I obey "money", but I change places and continue to live a life of obedience.

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If I keep chasing a busy life, and really realize how to make a lot of money in the way I like, will I really be free? Can I live a good life in such a day, so that I can really live like a human being? ? At this moment, I don't know, and I haven't achieved it yet. There is still a long way to go before such a goal, but more of it is not sure whether to move towards this goal.

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Maybe I never believed that I could live a good life in such a day, but I had to obey like I was in the army before. Even after being discharged from the army, I still continue to believe in the values that most people believe in, and continue to obey the rules told me by the environment. Is it really possible to buy back freedom?

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I don't know, I don't even know what "freedom" is. It just seems like it's time to try not to obey, to stop choosing what you don't believe in. But when I write here, I suddenly feel that if I hadn't experienced these days of "obedience", there would be no such thing as satisfying at this moment.

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And these "happenings" can happen because they try things that they didn't want to believe.

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Maybe there is never absolute belief or absolute disbelief in the heart, or maybe there is no so-called "obedience" at all. Without "obedience", it seems to be closer to freedom, but it is still unclear what "freedom" is.

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After spending so much money, I don't know if I'm free, but I'm still willing to live, and I'm still willing to think about what "life" is at the moment, at least I'm living a good life.