After returning from Peking University, I stayed up all night (including reporting emails)

(Original post on September 13, 2018)

It's 4:30 in the morning and I still can't sleep.

This afternoon, I spent 3 hours in Conference Room 204, 5A, Peking University Shaoyuan. During this period, my whole body trembled many times, I had to pant and breathe hard, drink water from time to time to try to calm down, and then clenched the hand of my best friend Lin Hengheng.

There were 4 teachers from Peking University sitting opposite me, and it took me ten minutes to get my best friend to be allowed to accompany me by my side.

The school notified me on the 7th to come to the school for an interview, and the email on the 10th informed me of the time and place. It was scheduled for Wednesday afternoon on the 12th, which was a working day. For this reason, I skipped the meeting of my department. I. Since the school was talking about "interviews" and I, the victim, completely agreed with my girlfriend, I specifically asked her to accompany me, and I didn't expect to be obstructed. We didn't expect that she was immediately stopped when we entered the door. After I introduced that this was my best friend who came with me, she was still asked to leave the conference room, saying that I could only be present for the conversation.

This is an "interview," not an arraignment. I don't understand the reasons why my girlfriend's relatives cannot accompany me, and since the teachers are dealing with sexual harassment reports, can they consider the psychological pressure of the victims. The other party insisted that my best friend leave, and asked me to go across from the four of them alone. I refuse to accept it.

We were deadlocked at the door, and I clearly expressed the reason why I needed the company of my girlfriends, and expressed that I needed them to give me a reason to convince me that I was the only one present. The argument did not last for a long time, and I kept standing, emotional and shaking. At this time, the other party let go, let me sit down first, and asked my best friend to sit down beside me first to comfort me. It turned out that my insistence at the time was right. Without her, I really don't know if I would be able to finish this conversation.

The first thing I did when I sat down was that the school took out a letter of guarantee and asked me to sign it. The guarantee letter requires that the content of this conversation will not be recorded or published online.

When I, a victim, was questioned after being sexually harassed by Peking University teachers because I had no on-the-spot audio and video recording of the incident, and it was difficult to prove it, Peking University actually asked me to sign a guarantee that I would not record the audio during the communication with the school. Really feel powerless.

To give a simple example, if my rights and interests were violated during this interview, I wanted to call the police or report it to the higher authorities. I didn’t record it, and I repeated the same mistakes that I had no evidence. . For someone who is suffering from this loss, I cannot understand that the school makes such a request to the victim when handling a sexual harassment report, so blatantly depriving me of my safety.

I naturally need them to give me reasons. The school's argument is that public disclosure online will have an impact on the school's investigation process. I asked, shouldn't the investigation be evidence-based and fact-oriented, why would openness and transparency have an impact on your school's investigation? The other party said all kinds of untenable logic, so confusing that I can't write it clearly here.

I said a lot of my opinions. First of all, the matter of sexual harassment is of public hazard. Whether reporting sexual harassment can be dealt with reasonably and effectively by the school is also related to the rights and interests of the public, especially Peking University students . I cannot understand why I am required not to disclose it. Second, public supervision has an advantage. On the one hand, it turns pressure into a driving force. On the other hand, if the school has deficiencies or encountered difficulties in the process, it can also get corrections or suggestions from public feedback.

Once again we are at a stalemate. The school's intention is very clear, sign the guarantee letter before the conversation. They said that if I didn't have trust in Peking University, it would be difficult to have this conversation. My girlfriend asked directly, if we don't sign, we won't be told what we were supposed to tell, right? The other party said that it is not that they will not say it, but that they will be more cautious, and so on.

I really needed to know about Peking University's investigation and handling of my report, so I compromised. After signing, we officially entered the "interview".

The above is the opening of this afternoon. It can be said that the whistleblower/victim has no dignity. I have been offended many times, and I deeply feel that the school personnel who are responsible for handling sexual harassment reports have no concept of the whistleblower's psychological state and need for assistance.

According to the requirements of the guarantee, I can only write here, and the specific content of the conversation about the investigation process and results cannot be released.

Although I know very well that the guarantee was signed under inducement, and it violated my freedom of speech and hindered the public and school teachers and students from knowing and monitoring by public opinion , but after all, I agreed at the time, and I was temporarily unable to overcome this in my heart. One level, plus I don't want to cause trouble to a few teachers, so I'll follow it for the time being. I also hope that friends who understand the law can give advice on the validity of this guarantee.

I've been thinking about the whole conversation since I walked out of the room after 5:00 p.m. and regretting the pledge that I signed. On the issue of rights in principle, I really should not back down. I should have persevered at the time and left if it was a big deal, rather than being a mute who can only swallow whatever bitterness is in my stomach now.

I think I can talk about how I feel. disappointment? anger? Probably not enough, and feeling ridiculous is probably the most accurate.

In fact, I didn't have particularly high expectations for the result. Perhaps the most painful thing for me today was the interview process. I really did not expect that these three hours would bring me so many secondary injuries and mental devastation. Limited by the letter of commitment, I will not give specific examples.

All teachers have worked very hard, and I believe that several teachers I met today did their best within their abilities and responsibilities. I majored in social work and paid attention to vulnerable groups. I also have some experience and understanding of dealing with some victims. When I mentioned the school's investigation work and the lack of the meeting with me today, several teachers said that they were all Part-time job, not professional about it, don't know much about some of the aspects I mentioned.

I sincerely understand everyone's difficulties, and I also feel the sincerity of several teachers, but subject to some ideological and even understanding of sexual harassment and the school's rules and regulations, the predicament that the victim fell into in the process of contacting the school is an objective existence , and this injustice and harm should not be borne by the whistleblower . These are not problems that the teachers I met today can solve by themselves, but they must be something that Peking University should pay attention to and adjust the direction of change.

As reporters, we often jump out to observe an event. I did the useless work of reporting sexual harassment, on the one hand, because I did have unrealistic expectations, and on the other hand, I wanted to experience for myself what a girl would experience when she wants to defend her rights in China.

Now what I want to share is that from the perspective of social development and progress, girls who are violated must of course report and defend their rights, but from the perspective of personal rights, I will not easily encourage girls to take the road of reporting, although I will die firmly. Knock to the bottom. You must know that the price is too high, the harm is repeated, and fairness and justice are things that cannot be met, especially when the teacher of Peking University who sexually harassed/violated you is a shameless person who will not confess his guilt.

Let me do a rough calculation of how much it costs a sexual harassment victim to seek justice.

1. I need to constantly recall the most disgusting few minutes of my life that I was trying so hard to forget, and constantly experience the fear, anger and humiliation of being violated.

2. In addition to normal work and life affairs, I spend a lot of time collecting indirect evidence (because I have no prophetic ability, I will not prepare a pinhole camera before the incident), and write thousands of words of reporting materials.

3. In the face of a large number of questions, insults and abuses sent by netizens to the backstage of my official account, they mainly revolved around my frivolous behavior, intention to seduce, meeting others without my boyfriend and being unruly, wanting to hype and become popular, etc. .

4. Xie Can published my work information, my name, and the names of my colleagues on his official account, causing interference to my work and colleagues.

5. Xie Can spread rumors, saying that my report against him was a false accusation, and some of his students also spread this statement everywhere. This is actually the most distressing point for me, the potential victim I was trying to protect became the one who poured dirty water on me.

In addition, because Peking University's investigation into Xie Can was not publicized, and the content of today's conversation was requested not to be released to the public, the outside world only saw the result that Xie Can was safe and sound. To a certain extent, this can be used as a backstop for Xie Can to slander me and spread rumors. The school investigated and Xie Can was not dealt with, so it was obviously my false accusation. In fact, he announced that he was "nothing wrong" very early, and he also posted on the official account to introduce the new courses offered at Peking University this semester.

6. During this process, I was physically and mentally exhausted, witnessed too many evils of human nature, accumulated too much disappointment, witnessed too many flies and dogs but felt at ease. Now I can especially understand the girl who reported the teacher's sexual assault to no avail and then jumped off the building. It's really meaningless to fight in such a world.

The fate of a victim is to be repeatedly victimized, and the scumbags have too many allies in this society. They can exploit the system to exploit the law, but victims are told to be exhorted to accept the imperfect status quo and to be stumped by their own moral standards.

Today, I really thank my Lin Hem for taking the time to accompany me and support me. In order to increase her momentum, she even wore high heels, which made you feel wronged.

Finally, I put some screenshots of the real-name report email I sent to Peking University for friends who don't know what happened. After waiting for a short time, Peking University gave a reply on August 20. Then I was contacted by email on September 7 for an interview, and later I was informed by phone and email of the interview time, and then it was today.