Sorry for giving too much before

06.30.2020
An Li, let's talk about my favorite poet #陈凡奇 , I hope everyone can read his poems and prose.

Write to two important memories in life, z and y.
To be honest, I don’t remember my emotions at all. I feel that I am a person who only feels brokenhearted when I am very idle, when I am happy, and when my career seems to have been exhausted.

Oh yeah, I really like that awful candy in front of the store.
He is hard to eat, but it can be used to describe many things.

*

I don't know if what he wants to express in this sentence is the same as what I see. ⁣

It is said that the greatness of a writer is that he can poke into the unknown pain in his heart; for example, he uses words to massage you to that sore point; you feel that you are using his mouth to speak your words. ⁣

He turns out to be a good writer and I've been poked by him several times. ⁣

When I saw this, I felt the pain that I hadn't seen in a long time, a tiny pain like acupuncture, and the stabbing was really fucking deep. ⁣

"I'm so sorry for giving too much earlier," he wrote. ⁣

Well, the truth is I'm exaggerating. In fact, the impact is not as big as imagined, and it is not as uncontrollable as the past, so painful that it is impossible to consider every word of the creation. ⁣

Because I have practiced countless times before, how to defend that organ that you and I call the heart of glass. ⁣

No way, at that time, I didn't want to continue to smash it in the empty chat room after losing you. ⁣

After all, you can't see when the sound of a few broken pieces slams into an empty room and splashes all over the room with loneliness; you can't see when I cry for help in the flood of memories; I'm drowning You can't see it when you're struggling in your misery. ⁣

⁣

The past is the past, I forced myself, I told myself, I did not blame you once. ⁣

It's just that now I think that those days have been washed away by time, just as the writer Akutagawa said: "The present you has nothing to do with the pain of the past.". ⁣

As a result, the memories are still vivid. ⁣

⁣

Maybe when the cells were growing, they knew that I used them to miss a person's name for more than a year; maybe they all remembered the period of your life; maybe they even thought you were the master. ⁣

So how can it possibly not matter? ⁣

However, I didn't have the courage to kill myself, so I just replaced with a new body. I could only wait for time to continue slowly, like an enzyme, to dissolve the old, past, cells that store your name, voice, face, and expression. ⁣

⁣

⁣

⁣

In the end, I gave too little to myself and too much to you, so that 1/16 of my memories have become inseparable from you, and it is impossible for me to separate the year that marked your name from myself. ⁣

So, I’m still sorry, “I’m sorry for giving too much before,” I can only say to myself. I apologized to myself who was wronged when I was thinking of you. Now that I have left you, I still have to apologize to myself:

I have never told such a big lie for myself, nor have I wandered aimlessly for myself. ⁣

I have never given myself such a long and devout prayer, nor have I given myself such a long period of patience, nor have I forced myself to endure a person for so long, so long, so long. ⁣

⁣⁣

But that's all for you. ⁣

But I can't get them back, yet I've spent everything and have nothing left to sell. ⁣

At that time, I also wanted to sell them very expensive and very expensive, but I really wanted something that was worthless and no one wanted. The price was always too cheap. It was like unpalatable and cheap candy at the door of the store. . ⁣

As a result, I accidentally gave too much, and I forgot to ask you if you wanted to take it, only to find out that you didn't want to take it at all. ⁣

⁣

That is to say, things have changed over time, (two years is not very long, and one month is not short), I have come to turn over the old accounts, and I will write you an article that is so long and filled with so many blood and tears, I am deeply sorry. ⁣