A good day without witness｜2022 is a year of non-stop walking

For me, 2022 is a year to break through myself. It's really hard to sum up this year. There have been many moments, large and small, that felt like life would collapse. But I walked over like this staggeringly. When talking on the phone with Doudou, she said that I was like a stone, constantly bumping into the corners of life. Life has not changed, but neither have I.

In fact, my life is still getting better at a very slow speed.

1. Learn to talk back.

This is my biggest achievement at the end of 2022, although it is accompanied by a lot of sadness.

When being bullied by the landlord, I still bravely scolded it. Almost two years ago, I was also scolded by my ex-boyfriend's sister because of housing problems. At that time, what she said to her girlfriend directly caused my depression to relapse. This time, although the landlord and his wife were standing in front of me, I was able to face them bravely. Although I broke my face with them in the end, I preserved my dignity. I'm not being bullied like I was two years ago.

Then there is the experience of buying a car. When buying a car, I always regret not bargaining properly. Walking out of the car, I felt bullied by the male salesman. In fact, it is also a learning experience for me. Next time, whether it is work or study, I can speak up for what I want.

2. Learn to wipe away tears

In April 2022, I posted a Weibo on my Weibo account, which read: "Tell yourself 1,000,000 times, I will stay and I will graduate."

As of today, I have forwarded this Weibo 54 times in half a year. Of course, there are many, many moments of self-doubt that were not recorded in this Weibo. Many times when I feel that I am about to hold on, I will go out for a walk. These days are not pleasant, yes, every day is on the verge of burnout, but for me, this is also an achievement.

3. Learn to let go

In August, I met a boy who made me feel good. I knew it was inappropriate, but I was still moved by his "we can create lot of happiness together" in my ear. But later, our family backgrounds and interests were too different, and dating together was full of situations. After going through the last breakup, I no longer feel so strongly about identifying someone based on liking alone. Twisted melons are not sweet.

When we broke up, maybe because of the foreshadowing of the previous few days, and because we were also struggling to find a new home, it was not as heartbreaking as imagined. Of course, there is still the urge to contact him, but this idea gradually fades away during the self talk. At present, I think a good relationship is a matter of course, but in this relationship, I often feel that the uncertainty of the future is consuming me and him.

When I finish writing this annual summary, I will drive to the beach and put back the shells that he and I picked up earlier. It is better to forget each other in the rivers and lakes than to be in love with each other.

4. Learn to depend

This year, the most obvious change is that I have more contact with my family. Although compared with many close families, it is still very distant, but this kind of contact is better than our previous situation. In the new year, I hope to have more phone calls and more videos with my mother and sisters.

In terms of friends, this year is the year I made the most friends. During the depression period in the past few years, I almost stayed at home and did not exchange contact information with others. Now I have gradually moved myself out of the comfort zone push.

5. Learn to persist

This is somewhat similar to learning to dry tears, but not quite the same. After learning to wipe away my tears, I will give myself an uncomfortable deadline, and then return to a normal state as soon as possible before this deadline. But I who have learned to persevere, will try my best to comfort myself, the light is at the end of the tunnel, as long as I walk slowly, there is a possibility of getting better.

In the new year, rather than learning specific skills, I want to make some positive changes in my mentality.

I will write this article next time, I will write here first, and go drink a milk tea.