Are you an extrovert, or are you actually "pretending to be an extrovert"?

 Title: "Silence is Power"
Author: Susan Cann Translators: Shen Gengli, Li Siyi

This book is the most rewarding I have read recently. Let's read together 🤝

Do you consider yourself an "extrovert"?
Or in order to conform to the mainstream of society, gradually learn to cover up and pretend.
From being an "introvert" to pretending to be a "pretend extrovert"?

Let's take a quiz first! (Quiz source: "Quiet is Power")

1. I prefer one-on-one conversations to group activities.
2. I love expressing myself through writing.
3. I like being alone.
4. I care less about wealth, fame and status than my peers.
5. I hate small talk and gossip, but I like to talk deeply about topics that interest me.
6. Everyone says I'm a good listener.
7. I'm not very adventurous.
8. I like work that allows me to concentrate without interruptions.
9. I only like to celebrate birthdays on a small scale with close friends and family.
10. People describe me as "soft-spoken" or "gentle and mellow".
11. I don't discuss it with others or show it to others until the work is done.
12. I hate conflict.
13. I am most productive working independently.
14. I think about it before I say it.
15. I'm always exhausted after running around, even if I'm having a good time.
16. I don't like answering the phone.
17. Given the choice, I'd rather do nothing on the weekends, preferably without too much planning.
18. I don't like multitasking.
19. I can concentrate easily.
20. I like listening to lectures, but I don't like participating in panel discussions.

The more "yes" you answer to the above questions, the more "introverted" you may be. (FYI, not a generalization.)

The rise of extroverts

In the United States, from the beginning of the twentieth century, Carnegie began to convey the advantages of public speaking, and then to TV commercials, all of which promoted the advantages of extroverts. A century on, the trend is getting more and more entrenched. Asian society is also gradually influenced by Western culture, hoping to cultivate children to be outgoing and able to express their character openly.

I remember when I was young, I was often "forced" to speak by my elders. If you didn't take the initiative to speak, it would be "rude". They often overlook that there are actually relatively "introverted" children in the world. They may feel fear when they meet strangers, and they don't know how to deal with the awkward atmosphere. They are naturally less able to express themselves than extroverted children. A society that touts "extroverted" personalities has low acceptance and tolerance for "introverted" people.

After reading this book, I realized that I am actually an "introverted" person. Over time, he drifted with the tide, and gradually he became a "pretend extrovert" person.

The rise of teamwork

 Einstein said, "I am a horse naturally suited to a single harness, not to work with other horses in a chariot or wagon. . . Thinking and making decisions is very important.”

School life places great emphasis on "cooperation" and "grouping". I hate the moment of grouping the most. It has always been painful for me to take the initiative to "find" group members. Fortunately, my grades were good when I was a child. The advantage of good grades is that they are more attractive. Naturally, someone will take the initiative to ask, so that I can escape the pain of the grouping process.

And when you get to the workplace, you must also integrate into the "group". If you don't do this, you are a freak. I remember that in 2016, when I first entered a small technology company, the company likes to emphasize "once a month dinner" as an advantage. For me, it is a disadvantage. After get off work, it's my personal time, why do I have to go to dinner with the supervisor! This is simply overtime... I just look forward to eating the whole meal , and chatting with the supervisor about it, I can't get enough of it. Watching senior employees politely touting their supervisors made me want to laugh but I wanted to go home.

Can you not participate? Yes~ Other senior colleagues will always ask: "Why don't you go?", "Is today's matter important? Can it be rescheduled?" If you don't go, you just don't fit in. In order to reduce the trouble, I bite the bullet and go to eat a free dinner, which is not easy.

"Sometimes we have to act 'not ourselves' in exchange for 'being yourself' time," says Susan Cann.

Is character innate?

According to Professor Jerome Cagan's research, four-month-old infants can deduce whether they are "extroverted" or "introverted" through sensory experience tests. For example, making the sound of a balloon popping or sniffing an alcohol-stained cotton swab, some babies will start to cry, while others will not respond too strongly. Professor Cagan concluded that the babies in the "highly responsive group" would be quiet teenagers in the future; the "low-response group" babies would be more outgoing and confident. ( Because infants in the highly responsive group were less receptive to stimuli.)

Psychologists say: "Personality" refers to innate; "Personality" is a mixture of acquired cultural and personal experience factors. Sensitivity to environmental perception is innate.

My mother likes to say, "You loved to cry when you were a child! Once I took you back to my grandmother's house, and you cried to the end on the bus, so I had to ask the driver to let me off the bus early. Unlike my younger brother, who was super easy to take, he didn't cry or make trouble. , eat and sleep."

It is very interesting that my brother is really a very outgoing person who is not afraid of public speaking and loves to perform. On the other hand, I hate speaking in the presence of many people. Even when my friends go out, I have to ask, "Who is there?" to decide whether to participate.

If you have children around you, take a look. (The threshold for this experiment seems to be a bit high? 😂 )

return sensitivity

 According to psychologists John Brener and Chris Cooper: "Introverts "wait" and extroverts "respond." When faced with similar situations, extroverts tend to think less and act more than their brains quick."

The reward sensitivities of "introverts" and "extroverts" are also quite different.

Usually "extroverts" are more sensitive to returns, and will actively pursue goals, money, status, etc. Research has even found that extroverts enjoy socializing because human connection is all about gratification. In contrast, “introverts” have a less responsive reward system and are less likely to lose themselves in pursuit of rewards.

This part actually reminded me of the matter of "clapping hands" by matter. When I first wrote this article, I didn't know much about the clap mechanism. In the past, the reward mechanism was that the color would change after pressing it once. change, and press it again. Later, after reading some review articles on clapping, I realized that I could pat five times, and that so many people care about "how many times to pat"... Later, I felt very stressed about clapping. Why don't you just stop shooting...

I don't go to see "who" and take a few shots. Often, after seeing the notification 000 "I like and appreciate your work", I click on the page of 000, and I also read his articles, and I also take pictures when I read the articles I like. A hand, not for politeness.

It turns out that the sensitivity to returns is also innate... If you are very concerned about the fact that I "didn't take pictures back", please raise your hand. 😅 I really like the article, please help me to shoot it! For writing, that's not what I'm aiming for... (Of course it's nice to get positive feedback, please don't get me wrong 😇 .)

the power of silence

 “When introverts are confronted with events that surround them, they tend to think about the meaning of the event, while extroverts are directly involved in those events.” — Jung

If you're an introvert too, don't feel inferior, you'll find comfort in this book and learn more about yourself. Both introverts and extroverts have their pros and cons. Extroverts are highly actionable, fearless, and relatively less rigorous. Introverts are good at thinking and plan things better. The disadvantage is that they are more pessimistic and often miss the best opportunity because of fear.

"Quiet, Is Power" isn't about touting introverts and belittling extroverts. Instead, it is like providing a guide to life for introverts. With a lot of research and stories, introverts can follow some methods to learn how to make good use of extroverted characteristics while maintaining an introverted personality. Use both to find the best fit for you, and the way the world gets along.

This book is also great for extroverts, as you can learn more about the psychology of the introverts around you. It may be family members, colleagues, partners, or even children who understand each other to achieve mutual respect and reduce unnecessary conflicts for life. If your significant other likes to go out and have fun during holidays, and you just want to stay at home quietly and often quarrel over this matter, I believe you can find the answer in this book!

Please cherish the introverted friends around you ~ they are not freaks! They just don't like stimulating environments. If your friend who is too outgoing in your eyes suddenly tells you that he actually likes quietness, likes to read, and likes to be alone, don't really doubt - he may have just "pretended to be extroverted" in the past.

American psychologist William James said: "Because we care about too many people, we will show different selves on various occasions. Usually, different friends see us in different faces."

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