To: My only confidant

Readers who have read "To a Lost Friend" by Hans@维民行zhi may be guessing who the "ex-convict" is. You probably already know the answer when you read this sentence. That friend who has committed many crimes and almost ended up in jail is me.

My associated article "Repent" tells all the details and psychology of the crime. When I sent it to Hans, my fingertips, arms, and even my whole body were shaking. I can't blame him for the great pain he felt when he wrote that article.

However, I never expected that I, who was ready to lose my confidant, would receive tolerance, understanding, and blessings from him and all the readers in the comment area. Sorry to bother you in this way, but I want to say that you gave me the drive to reform and look forward, and when I was trapped in guilt and inflicting pain on my best friend, I suddenly realized that I did not It takes a lifetime to gain the trust of others and prove that you are not a bad person. Finally, I can lift my head up and be a human being.

In the past, I always revolved around others. Probably because I was rarely praised as a child, I pretended to be overly extroverted and enthusiastic, trying to get people to pay attention to me, like me, and approve of me. But I am not happy. I lost my way, so I had no choice but to grab the eagle in my heart into Nestle, and stare at the mountain from a void. I never had a deep introspection, and I never had the time or energy to think about what I was going to do and who I was going to be. You can only live like an AI at the request of others.

I've helped Hans and amused him with my natural sense of humor, but it's nothing compared to how much he helped me. It is no exaggeration to say that he changed my life. He awakened my curiosity that had been dormant for twenty years and urged me to pursue spiritual freedom. I began to reflect and write down the naive words, and then I realized that my heart was filled with an independent, self-conscious soul longing for freedom. I am Raskolnikov in pain, he is my Sonia. He said that he is far from the sage Wang Yangming said, but in my heart, he is the sage.

Almost a year after my last crime, I decided to atone. I donated three times the total value of the stolen goods to a non-profit organization, not for tax deductions, but for my conscience. It's hard to let go, but it's going to be a stepping stone on my way back to life. I also decided to try not to mention it in the future. It's time to turn over a new leaf and move forward.

Finally, Hans, if you're watching, thank you for choosing to trust the new me despite my past shameful behavior. I want to be the sun, and now it's the sun obscured by dark clouds. And you are the moon, showing me the way in the dark. You dispel the haze in my heart, and I would like to be your sunshine. With you in this life, what can my husband ask for?