"Memoirs of a Loser"

Only successful people can write memoirs, who should read the memoirs of losers?

At the end of the farewell part of my "Life in the World" column, I said, "I will tell my readers who love me in detail about my failed life along the way." Many readers left a message saying that they did not accept the "failed life". , they see my life as a success rather than a failure.

Personally, family and professionally, my life report card is certainly not a failure. The reason for some achievements is mainly determined by the era and environment I live in. Just like Warren Buffett, the American stock god, said that he got rich because he won the ovary lottery, I was in colonial Hong Kong because of my growth and career development, and I lived on both sides of the Taiwan Strait. Hong Kong experienced a major turning point in the era, "the country is unfortunate and the poet is fortunate", the upheaval stimulated the writer's thoughts, and the rule of law in the Hong Kong-British era and its extension in the post-97 period provided an umbrella for a free editing and writing career. The lucky factor that makes me a little bit successful in my life. Young writers in Hong Kong today, who are better than me, do not have such good luck. It is difficult for them to make a living by writing. I really feel sorry for them.

But looking back on the pursuit of my life, I am constantly feeling the sadness of the shattering of ideals and the corruption of values.

Many years ago, RTHK held the "Hong Kong Book Awards" award ceremony and invited me to attend. The host asked me if I had hosted the "One Minute Reading" program on RTHK for many years, if I felt that the reading atmosphere in Hong Kong had improved, and I replied, The things that I have advocated and promoted all my life, society has always tended to develop in the opposite direction, whether it is reading, independent thinking, or democratic freedom.

This is what I refer to as a life of failure.

Disillusionment happened decades ago. When a hope is raised and then dashed, I believe in Mark Twain's words. He said that the difference between a pessimist and an optimist is that the pessimist has more information. . The more you know about human society and the more you know about human nature, the less optimistic you will be. But being pessimistic does not mean being negative. People who take writing as their lifelong career must be faithful to the values that they think and believe in their hearts. Only when I write my heart is worthy of my work. Of course, the ideological values we believe in will not stand the test of reality and change, so we must still be faithful to this change and continue to write my heart. Pessimistic and positive, knowing that the value of promotion is difficult to achieve, still have to promote it, which is not only a responsibility, but also to realize oneself, in order to be worthy of one's own life.

In a world where facts are no match for lies and truth is no match for power, and in a world where power and money rob all value systems, as a writer who is loyal to himself, it is difficult to avoid constant frustration. Especially since I have been writing for such a long time, and I have faced such great changes in China, Taiwan and Hong Kong, when I look back on the goals I have promoted at different times in my life, I am undoubtedly thinking of setbacks, real "failures". life".

In future texts, I will try to tell the story of a loser from memory as much as possible. The only thing to be wary of when I write is to avoid getting caught in the vicious circle of beautifying myself that the Rashomon stories do.

And the reason why I am still willing to share my life of failure with my readers, especially young readers, is that I often think of Churchill's famous quote:

"Success is not the end, failure is not the end, only courage is eternal."

A person's failed life or the end of a person, but not the end of the latecomer. A man's courage is his eternity and the eternity of those who follow.

Churchill's words motivated me to write this underdog story, which has always been a story of little courage.

(Article published on April 19, 2021)

 ("Memoirs of a Loser" was previously serialized in "Apple Daily" and will continue to be updated in Matters from today)