A good book "Sorry, I Hate My Child"_Dr.

*There is no thunder and no plot at all, please read it with confidence.

" Sorry I Hate My Children "

• Author: Four Strings
• Word Count: 110,114

 A case of infanticide that shocked the nation, and the monologue of four women.
"I'm also a victim of maternal love, going from a wounded child to a broken adult."

It is recommended to stop reading the first two sentences of the book news, and directly open the book to read.

The novel is told in the first person which is wonderful. With four chapters <Lactation>, <Girl and Vagina>, <Princess on the Tower>, <Reincarnation>, the story of four women is brought out, one link is linked, the ending is not too unexpected but still quite amazing , the plot is highly completed and reasonable.

After reading the first chapter, I wrote this paragraph.

 All kinds of deformed families and distorted mentality are created under various typical traditional thinking, and the tragic life will be copied to the next generation. For women and their parents, this is a ghost story. It is an exaggeration to say that reading it will probably lead to fear of marriage, lower fertility and aggravate low birthrates.

After reading the first chapter, you need to rest for a while. After you calm down, you can read the second, third and fourth chapters in one breath.

After pressing the close button, I wrote again:

 An unsound social framework creates broken girls one by one. If you don’t treat the root cause, you will become broken women and broken mothers. If you don’t correct them immediately, the broken ones won’t fix themselves, only broken ones. will be worse.

There are many aspects to discuss in the book, such as the long-standing spiritual torture of women by traditional shackles (preference of sons to daughters; problems of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law; men who are disabled or aphasia at home), and whether maternal love is inherently sacred? Also, what's wrong with sex education? (enlarge the font by 120%)

Personally, I think the whole story goes back and forth, and many misfortunes started from the insufficiency/failure of sex education. How many misfortunes did the "Chapter 14 of Health Education", which is always hidden and unknown, derive from it?

I am deeply puzzled every time someone refuses sex education to enter the school with escapism or disgust. If sex is a dirty thing, how did your kids get here? If sex is something shy and difficult to talk about in front of children, why not leave it to the school teacher? Wouldn't it be better to stand openly from an educational point of view and understand in a healthier and more correct way?

It's the parents who should receive sex education properly, right? They say that they love their children and spend a lot of time and money on nurturing them, but they refuse to let them learn correct knowledge, understand, protect and respect their own and others’ bodies (autonomy). I really want to ask them to stop talking about themselves. How much you love your children. We can’t naively hope that our children will not be violated or violated by others, or that they do not know how to take protective measures because of curiosity. Every child may be Xu Xiaowen or Lin Yuhan, but not every child is lucky enough to reverse the misfortune. .

Selfish to give points: 5 stars.

 The following content is not warm, may be thorny, may be cold-blooded, and may not meet moral standards. If you don't like it, please jump out of the window, don't bother to leave a comment, teach me the truth of being a descendant, and be grateful.

I have no intention of discussing "whether mother's love is innate", after all I have never been a mother.

I expand the scope a bit:

Are people born with feelings?

As I get older, my answer tends to be no.

As mentioned in this article , I once asked my grandmother, "Where did your motherly love come from?" I was skeptical about my grandmother's answer. Do not think that any emotion such as maternal love/family/friendship that emerges in human beings is innate and taken for granted.

There is no doubt about my mother's love for my mother, and my love for my sister-in-law is also sincere. So, why do I still not believe that this kind of emotion is innate and will emerge naturally after cultivation?

The root cause is my grandpa and grandma.

When it comes to grandparents love, I have never understood. Because my impression of grandpa was like a tyrant since I was a child, and my impression of grandma is that she is bitter, likes to sow discord, is careful, and will chase us with brooms or bamboo sticks because we ate a piece of her cake or took a piece of candy.

When I get along with Grandpa, most of them are afraid and don't know when to take on Thunder's Wrath, and I always cry when I remember being in the same frame as Grandma.

Whether it's the deceased grandpa or the grandma who has lived together until now, to be honest, the feelings are as light as passers-by. Grandpa and Mammy have no love for me, nor do I have any love for them.

Grandpa died in our country at three o'clock.

I still remember that year when I was trying to prepare for the exam, I stayed up late at night to study until after 1 o’clock, and soon after falling asleep, I was woken up by the ringing of the phone in the living room downstairs. I went downstairs to answer in a daze. He said without end that Grandpa was dying, and hung up the phone if he wanted to send him home. Don't you mean you can live for a year and a half? so what? How to do? At the moment, my mind was in a mess, and I couldn't organize the information I heard. After regaining my senses, I quickly went upstairs to find my father. There was no one in the room. Only after calling him did I know when he had rushed to the hospital.

After about an hour, the grandpa was sent back.

He lay uncovered on the living room floor.

I didn't see my dad. And my mother had just finished the operation and was hospitalized. I can't remember why my brother wasn't around, while my younger siblings stood helplessly behind me.

It was the first time that I had faced death so closely in my life.

Hot summer. Three or four in the morning. I got goosebumps all over, overwhelmed but afraid to show it because my younger siblings would panic even more.

There is more fear and helplessness than sadness at the moment.

Always go crazy. Always roaring. Always breaking things. Punched my puppy to death. Chase and beat Grandma with a stick (*1). Patriarchal. He doesn't want to take me out because he thinks I'm ugly. I once rode a wolf 125(?) to take my brother and I from class. I was a junior high school student and my legs were not long enough. When I got off the car, I accidentally burned my right calf with a large circular wound with a diameter of 6 or 7 cm from the exhaust pipe. , he cried out in pain, but he angrily scolded a string of swear words (*2), turned his head and left, leaving me in the same place

──This is my grandpa.

 (*1) Only later did I find out that Grandpa actually hurt Grandma very much, so I only saw that once when I wanted to hit Grandma, but before I hit Grandma, Grandpa sprained her foot, and Grandpa gave up. When I was a child, I thought Grandpa was terrible, but after seeing Grandma's general deeds over the years, even though I was strongly opposed to beating people, I often couldn't help feeling that it was a miracle that Grandma was not beaten to death by Grandpa, it was true love.
(*2) Grandpa is a master of scolding the country and listens to it day and night, so I can almost swear, but I never let those words fall out of my mouth, because those words are connected to the memories of all kinds of tears, mine, Ah Mother's, me and my grandmother's.

When the violent man lay cold on the ground, I stood in the distance and did not dare to look at it.

I am an emotional person, but at Grandpa's funeral, my emotional side and my rational side were completely separated. The emotional me was very fortunate to have visited him and talked to him a few days before his death. , I didn't leave any regrets; and the sensible me, there was only one cold-blooded thought in my mind that I would be scolded for saying it: My mother was finally relieved.

But I was wrong.

When I was young, I only saw the appearance.

Grandpa wasn't the one who tortured Grandma the most.

Grandma is.

We sometimes jokingly refer to her as Iron Mammy , because she has cancer but doesn't die, walks down five or six steps and falls off her bones and is fine, messes around outside and gets caught with iron wires, etc.(?) There was a puncture wound in the middle of the pierced person (the small hole was still seeping blood), but she continued to eat as if she was completely fine, and it was because she had a heart as cold as steel .

Grandpa is authoritative and domineering, but I still felt a little bit of his kindness to me, a little bit.

Mamaw, no. I have never felt the slightest warmth in her.

I have seen anger, bitterness and snobbery on her face, but never a trace of true emotion. Sometimes I suspect that she is just stupid, but her facial muscles are not so flexible, so she can't convey her inner feelings, but when she makes trouble, makes things difficult, and gets angry, her eloquence is so sharp, and her facial muscles can be used accurately.

I really want to know, after being the recipient of her life, has Grandma ever really loved anyone in her life? Does she know what love is? Did the creator forget to put this element into her soul?

When Grandpa passed away, she had no tears and no grief; several of her elderly brothers came to see her, she was ignorant of others, her brother was critically ill and did not want to visit, and did not attend funerals after her death; her daughter was ill and had surgery, I never cared about a single word; my son-in-law was hospitalized in a serious car accident and almost returned to the west, and when he returned to the hospital, he was unwilling to drop by to take a look; for a father and mother who was filial to the point of being stupid, she would always pick out faults and even spread rumors to smear her son and daughter-in-law everywhere.

There was also an unexpected sighting: she beat his calf severely because her cute great-grandson (3-year-old Xiaomanniu), who was not sensible, was playing on her bed, causing Xiaomanniu to flee to me with a look of fear. She is already so old, but her ruthlessness has not diminished at the moment. My heart is extremely shocked, and the memories of my childhood are flooding in an instant.

The word "kindness" that is often used on the elderly is probably the most distant adjective for her.

Every time I look at her, I can't help but wonder, this person seems to have some kind of deep hatred and hatred between her relatives. Could it be that there is some unknown past behind the grandmother's back that caused her to be so determined?

I have asked carefully, and no.

Grandma was the eldest daughter in the family. In those days, the eldest daughter was like a mother, but it didn't apply to her at all. Her younger siblings were all better and more diligent than her, but she was the one who was cared for. She doesn't know anything. She is illiterate. Can only speak Taiwanese but can't read TV. Can't ride a bike. won't take a ride. won't call. I don't even know my home phone. (abbreviated below)

Speaking of which, she was really lucky. I have lived like a princess for half my life, and when I am old, ah, no, from the moment my mother married and entered the door, she was directly promoted to Lafayette, and everything was handled by the little maid = mother. When I wake up every day, I sit in a daze, waiting to eat, then in a daze, sleeping, and other than that, I just find any opportunity to torture people and make the family uneasy ─ Her attack power is comparable to that of the mother-in-law in the first chapter of the book. It is dozens of times stronger, and I have to admire how my grandmother could not have murderous intentions for so many years (maybe there is, but she did not take action).

In the past few years, things in the house have often disappeared. If I hadn’t accidentally discovered that she had hidden the toys I gave to Xiaomanniu, I would have never known that there was a burglar in my house. If you are gone, you can only admit it. Isn't it sad to have to guard against one's own people? Ah, wrong, she didn't take us as her own at all.

Every time my grandmother is not at home for some reason and cannot serve her elderly, I will take care of everyone's three meals. I will point it out directly in a joking way: "Abba/Grandma, I am stuck (hân-bān, clumsy), and I can't cook it as vigorously as Grandma, so please bear with me." Abba naturally dared not be there. I made a mess in front of me. As for my grandmother, she made dung noodles and threw her bowls and chopsticks in front of me. Once I was really angry, so I said to her directly: "Three dishes and one soup, there are fish, meat, vegetables and soup, not the three delicacies of seafood, but it's not too bad. I'm not the chief shopkeeper, but I didn't abuse you. , if you want to eat, eat, if you don't, don't eat, so you don't play a role in front of me, this trick is useless to me, I'm not as easy to bully as my mother."

──This is my grandma.

Over the years, as a half bystander of caring for life, I have been constantly thinking about issues such as "family affection" and "aging".

Looking at Grandma, I always thought, how can people live like this? What is the significance of these nearly 100 years?

Looking at my mother, I thought again, how much should a person give to their loved ones?

I don't have an answer.

But I'm sure I can't take care of a harsh old man who has treated me harshly for many years and has no blood relationship with me (it's not an exaggeration to be regarded as an enemy) like my grandmother.

Having lived under the same roof with her for so many years, to me she was like a tough traveler who just happened to be staying in the same hotel as me. Of course, I tried my best to chat with her in Taiwanese more than once, and wanted to interact with her more closely, but I always put my face on my cold butt, and I stopped making fun of myself after a long time.

In the end, you can avoid it. The relationship is lighter than boiled water, tasteless and tasteless, but there may be a strange smell.

However, human emotions are complicated and difficult to understand.

Even though she was so ruthless to us, and most of the time I thought she was really hateful, seeing her sick and suffering still made me sad involuntarily. Before, she had been on the brink of death three times. When I mentioned it to my brother, I thought I would be happy that my mother was finally free (the truth), but unexpectedly, my chest became tight and I choked up.

I was instantly shaken by my own sudden mood swings.

I thought I didn't have the slightest affection for her.

But is it because I love her?

No, it shouldn't be.

I just simply feel sorry for her to suffer from this kind of flesh and blood at such an advanced age.

I'm just saddened that a being that's been in a corner of my world for so many years is about to disappear.

I just didn't inherit her hard heart of steel.

I just can't be indifferent.

That's all.

Back to the book " Sorry I Hate My Children ".

Mother's love is definitely not innate, and family affection is not taken for granted.

Grandma is the best example. I'm very fortunate that my mother is the control group on the other side.

On the day I finished reading the first chapter, I wrote this sentence in the "Goldfish Brain Circle Diary":

A little bit out of breath after reading the first story. I want to hug my grandmother, thank her for walking through purgatory-like pain and giving us full of love without killing anyone (later omitted).

What I didn't say is that, in fact, if she ever had a voice in her heart like " I hate my children " or " If only I hadn't given birth to you (we) ", I would not feel sad, but understand, Because that kind of thinking is just the right thing to do. (So she loves me and I will try my best to understand and digest it)

＜Postscript＞

Every time I read an article about the love of my grandparents, I am moved, and I can't help but feel that these thoughts are outrageous, but this is my story and my true feelings. This article has been on the air for a long time after writing, but I feel that it is not appropriate to post this kind of article when everyone is writing some touching articles about "aging", but it seems that there is no suitable time point.

Based on the fact that the family's ugliness cannot be made public, I have already downplayed it very lightly. I used my left hand to pull my right hand to stop myself from writing out the evil deeds of this old man. No, I wrote it. Say, feel ashamed.

＿2021.05 Readings