Pigsty Observation Notes 3｜Confession

I have lunch with Miss Curcuma and Mr. Lu.

After lunch, Mr. Lu suggested to drink some afternoon wine. The Cordyceps wine he soaked has already been soaked. The wine is light golden yellow and has a little hanging cup, which looks very good. I would love to try different alcohols.

I have no objection, and I have no objection that Miss Gu was run on by him.

The three drank two catties of liquor.

Miss Gu left early. Only me and Mr. Lu were left in the afternoon session.

I have always had a good relationship with Mr. Lu. With the strength of the wine, he said a lot of "sincere words". I smile perfunctorily.

Not knowing where he misunderstood, he suddenly confessed.

After confessing, he began to praise me in Chinese style: "I like you very much, you are very gentle, and it is very suitable for marriage."

I was frightened by this sudden confession, my mind was stunned, and I said a particularly stupid reason for rejection: "I don't like children, and I don't want to have children." I thought: northern men are guilty of not having a group of children. Having a son is even more a death penalty. Mr. Lu also emphasized many times that his entire generation has given birth to daughters, and that the heavy responsibility of inheriting the lineage falls on his shoulders.

I thought it was a polite refusal. He thought it was me who made a condition. He said, "I will solve it." After a while, he said, "I will solve it. I will also take care of whoever."

I started screaming in my heart.

I fidget.

Mr. Lu tried to kiss me and I pushed him away. He really felt confused at that moment, his expression was so surprised and puzzled. He seemed very puzzled: why I rejected his kiss, he had already confessed it earnestly. He didn't seem to understand at all, I really didn't like him, never liked him. I really only think of him as an ordinary colleague, not even a friend.

He felt aggrieved, so he said, "I really like you. It has nothing to do with anything else, and I don't know what happened to me. I just like you very much. I have dreamed of you several times."

Later every time I think back to this scene, recall his doubts and incomprehensions and words, I am disgusted.

He started to cry.

I tried to leave, but he followed wherever I went.

He said, "What will you do in the future? I'm not leaving the company now, just for you. Now I'm protecting you, what about in the future? What will you do in the future?"

He added: "It's okay now, what will you do in the future? Have you thought about it? You're not young anymore."

He kept crying.

I was irritable and I couldn't get him to understand: I really didn't like him.

I don't like anyone, I don't even like myself.

He kept crying.

The boss came suddenly. He stopped crying all of a sudden, as if he had sobered up a little.

The boss suddenly left again.

He began to organize language to accuse me: "Why are you doing this?" He said again: "You seem to be seriously injured, you are so defensive, has a man hurt your heart before? Is it?"

I can only sneer.

He was sober the next day, and he came over to apologize, saying, "I didn't mean that either. I just...don't take it to heart."

From that day on, he started to hate me.

From that day on, I started to worry about my personal safety.

"Men are afraid that women will laugh at him, and women are afraid that men will rape and kill her." It's funny.

This is a fucking confession, it's harassment, molestation, threats, and suppression. I didn't give you a scoop on the spot, I was already cowardly and incompetent.

Getting rejected isn't a big deal, okay? I am so weak, and the language of rejection is so weak, I have already given everyone a lot of face. Everyone I turned down ended up fucking saying "you look like you've been badly hurt" as if it's not your fault I rejected you, it's all my fault.

When I was confessed and proposed to marry, it was all this sentence: "You are very gentle and very suitable for marriage." Ahhhh! It's this sentence again! Always this one.

Is there a cowardly and weak temperament in my appearance for a long time? From the hunter's point of view, it is easy to attack, easy to control, and easy to destroy. The weak lamb will not attract pity most of the time, but will only attract the bite of the jackal. The person who confessed and proposed to me also took a fancy to this. A woman who can be imprisoned in the family, beats and scolds and does not fight back, a sex slave, a nanny, and a reproductive machine.

Is there any difference between this "compliment" and spitting in my face? What's wrong with you? Fuck you, where did I misunderstand you, where did I get so gentle? Where can I get married? Do I have to take a dung scoop and give you a scoop to prove that I am not gentle and not suitable for marriage? It is true that I was suppressed so gentle and obedient that I did not know how to resist in time, but I was so irritable and angry inside, and my revenge was extremely heavy and persistent, and I did not lack the determination to break the net.

I'm not single, not married, not DINK, not even punk, I just don't bother me. Please stay away from me, don't fucking bother me.

It's none of your dicks whether I'm hurt or not.

I'm gentle, I'm a good fit for marriage, and it's none of your dick's business.