sadness-log

4.5

Tomb-sweeping Day today, it has been raining for several days in Xi'an, which is the occasion. It rains during the Qingming Festival. I can't remember what I was doing at this time last year, let alone the year before and the year before. This afternoon, I read "The Collection of Morning Flowers and Evenings", and I doubted that it was not a novel, or that it was unimportant.

Yesterday or the day before yesterday, I told my friend W that I was transferred to school C. She was very happy for me and praised me several times, because when she praised me, I felt embarrassed and I couldn’t shirk it. She also emphasized that it would be more than two times. . I had a good time chatting with her when I was a freshman. I still remember that night, the moon was sparse, and I listened to her in the water room, staring blankly at the deep blue sky outside the window, thinking: How long will she have to talk? Because of this, I didn't really want to chat with her afterwards. So annoying. But this time, she also talked about it herself: she was worried that she was talking too much and would be annoying, so I comforted her: it's alright, I vent my lust to my friends, whoever wants her to be a friend will be annoying. . She had thought so much about it. The familiar sense of confusion makes me think she is very real, oh so we are confused about the same thing. Relationships, self-esteem and self-confidence, academic career...

Yesterday was also my friend Z's bad day. She fell off the list. We were silent on both ends of the phone for a long time. I didn't know what words were useful at this time, and she didn't know what else to say to me. Later, she wanted to cry. Even more speechless, she just said she wanted to call her sister and hung up. By this time of writing, I have not contacted her again. I think she will contact me.

I don't like reluctance, if you don't contact me, why accept my ideas. I don't understand, the relationship with R would be fine if it started at the beginning, and there will be no later things. It's really bad, looking at her avatar makes me sick and unhappy. How would she feel if she knew that I said to Wang Ying "I don't know why she still talks about love with Li Xiangsheng". Hurry up and break up, although it has nothing to do with me, but I hate Li Xiangsheng very much, don't be with him.

Yesterday, a high school classmate posted on the Moments that she was admitted as the first place. I didn't like it immediately, but went to the official website to find the documents to see how many points she scored, 378, uh, is the liberal arts such a high score? Later, I went to congratulate her, but I didn't expect her to reply in seconds. She is really a person who catches horses. The last time she walked and chatted, nothing changed. She is so narcissistic. Why does she think I must agree, although I did agree.

Sometimes I say something in the dormitory, for example, "Pure-bred kittens have a high chance of getting sick. Someone abandoned the kitten because the cat was always sick." No one listened to what I said, and she still When talking to himself, "My cat loves to play, but dare not go out..." My God, why do I have to play the role of a listener in front of this kind of person, and its pretentiousness, Tian Lintao thinks that he is very dignified, in front of us He has become something, he is stupid, he doesn't know anything, he doesn't know it. Confidence is not like that. Without a bit of education, my shoes are just sitting under the ladder, and they even said they didn't know I was there, so fuck you. Really can't stand to always say that the other roommate hates it, are you perfect?

It's four o'clock, the wind is getting stronger, and I want to start running again, but all the signs are not on my side, the weather, the upcoming menstrual period.

I don’t use money in moderation. I can buy everything, but it’s not expensive. I don’t know how to spend 3,000 yuan a month. Except for 1,000 yuan of clothes, there is no big money.

I hate the crowding of the city, people turn a blind eye to people next to each other, and I hate Sheda. There is no need for a dialogue if it is not based on the principle of "the right to be a person".

I like Yin Ran in "Little Boys" very much. Apart from the conflicts between time management and his family, he is devoted to insects, and he doesn't care about his weak relationship with others. His mother, the Tao Te Ching that her mother recites, It got me thinking and deeply loved. More envy, Yin Ran had a crazy obsession at a young age, and this thing can even make up for other unsatisfactory things in life. Born to be human, how to be human.

5.3

People have to learn to educate themselves. "To live with the ambiguities and uncertainties of life, not to end these uncertainties through excessive introspection."

5.7 sunny

Noon z talked about some things about her grandparents' preference for sons and daughters, and how her mother dealt with the difficulties of her aunt and her in-laws. I can't help but think of my own experience, and my mother is not without those grievances, but it seems that she never confronted her grandparents head-on. In her memory, she only complained to me. And I remember these things, remember and be bothered. Mom, does she know that this kind of behavior can bring me mental damage? Who am I going to talk to? Mom has a job and doesn't ask Dad for money, but why no one cares about her. Because of this kind of experience, I would rather she get a divorce and her six relatives do not recognize her. The cooking and the housework are all done by my mother, which is amazing. But I didn't realize it until I was in college.

Today, I just told my mother that "I can't live under the same roof with my father". Although 80% of her conversations were avoiding the straight ball I threw, I also said my demands without wink, and finally forced She said "I want you to live at home". I'm sorry mom, I have lived with you since I was a child until the first year of high school, would I not like to live with you? It wasn't the male character I hated the most that took away some of my freedom. If it is for freedom, anything can be thrown away!

I felt very sad after I said that, and my time with my mother was greatly reduced, even though she didn't seem to need me to do anything to save her life. Inertia is horrible.

5.8

I couldn't sleep at night and read New Journey to the West again, and my eyesight got worse and worse. Chatting with my friend z makes me very unhappy, why do I have such a friend? Of course I did it myself. Saying what you think on the one hand, but distrusting the other party on the other hand, is detrimental to the mind. I feel that my body is getting fatter, and the short sleeves I bought last summer have tightened at the shoulders. I borrowed this sports anatomy, I guess I don't have time to read it.