"The Helpless Evil Woman 2022 Postscript - Woman Loves Herself"

(In the future, the articles will be written in Cantonese, but because I do not know many Cantonese orthographic characters, welcome to correct the orthographic characters)

Using my 2022 me to read what I wrote in 2016, there are some differences. . . . .

I have been a man for 40 years, and a woman for 40 years. In fact, I have never understood how women look at love.

I really remember receiving a DM once, a female WoW Fd experienced so much painful emotional deception, self-comfort, relationship tug-of-war, and finally "was" broken up.

He asked Zuo me: "What is the first thing to do to love yourself? I really want to love myself, but I can't do it, it's so painful."

In the past few years, in the process of learning about sex/other, I seem to have found some clues for the answer to this question

In fact, it's really hard for women to love themselves, because our social construction has always told women that we exist for others, and that I affirm my own value through others.

My value can come from my beauty, my body, and my being a good woman who can get in the kitchen and get a big bed in the hall; we want to please others and we have a good life. In the workplace, you need to be beautiful, gentle, smooth, peaceful, submissive, not too aggressive, not too aggressive; in the relationship, we all need to take care of the other half, including physical, emotional, lust, and homosexuality. In terms of the family system, it is even more difficult to talk about it. One’s own family of origin and those who get married must also take into account the original family of the grandmother, grandfather and husband. If there are children buried, the children will naturally be women who have to pay more to take care of them. Because everyone thinks that women have "motherhood" and that having "motherhood" means they are naturally responsible for more parental responsibilities, so women naturally and automatically dedicate and sacrifice for their families.

In the development of women's life, many times they are "no oneself" or "you can't have too much yourself" (otherwise it is "willful", "disobedient", "bad girl", "disciplined")

And the difficulty of the question "How can I love myself" is: "First of all, you have to have yourself, and then you can love yourself, and then learn to love yourself a little bit."

So what exactly is "having oneself" first? I have been exploring this question. But there is one thing I think I will remind myself, if my behavior along the way is actually driven by other people's expectations, what I do is to meet the expectations of others or society, even if I do No matter how brilliant I am, none of them are the real me, because the framework is set for me by people, and I live out the me that others expect, and I belong to "others".

As for my own framework, I think it takes time to establish the true framework, because we have to recognize the old framework, have the courage to break the old framework, and then have the courage to speak to others to listen to me. Old Framework I have my own framework and implement it. Even in the face of any voice of criticism, or how many voices of fear arise in your heart, you will be confident that your beliefs will continue to fall.

Self (or "self") is such a big subject that we may spend our whole life studying hard.

Loving yourself is a big subject in a big subject.

Therefore, I seem to understand a little bit, the reason why "love" is so important, because love may be constructed as a field for women to affirm their own value, we feel loved in love, so we know that we are valuable, When there is no love = no one loves me, no one loves me = I am not worthy of being loved, I am not worthy of love so I am worthless

The pain of lovelorn is not just about the lack of love, the core of the pain is that we have no self-worth.

Looking back at the wicked woman in the restaurant in 2016, if I took my place, I believe that beneath the surface anger, there are a lot of emotions such as "powerlessness," "sadness," "fear," and "self-loathing." Today, I may not propose any plan to help her. Do it (because I'm really not qualified)

I think I need to affirm that she has the right to be angry. Maybe I will give her a hug and gently tell her: No matter what happens, how bad or painful the situation is, please remember that you are valuable

(Written as you wish on 2/2022)