#N记速凝：Me and 2020 ｜ Reply to readers’ feedback (Part 1)

In 2020, a century-long epidemic brought an unexpected shock to the world: masks, lockdowns, isolation, and even death became the keywords for the first year of the 20s. The collapse of the original world's operating mechanism and the seemingly perfect order brought anxiety and fear, and also made people re-examine their lifestyles and their understanding of many things, as well as their relationship with themselves, others, society, and the world. The whitewashed history and "correct collective memory" are like a mental stabilizer in the ever-changing situation. In the turbulent reality, as long as people enter the calm virtual world planned by the algorithm, they will gain a moment of spiritual comfort, thinking that everything here is still safe, stable and harmonious. As the year comes to an end, do you still remember the sadness, resentment and loss of this year? We don’t know which generation the people who have not been harvested belong to, what tone they speak, whether they walk fast, whether all the truths they know are simple and easy to understand, and there is no need to beat around the bush. There are no symbols and metaphors in the grammar. They point at the sun and curse, and step on stones and dance. We don’t even know whether to thrive or wither. Everyone is an evergreen plastic. They cannot breathe when they are alive and cannot be favored by the weather. They cannot be degraded after death. We will be immortal without being remembered. The perception of the passage of time is gradually blurred. History and the present seem to have intertwined but are no longer in form or spirit. People must be stronger than ever to not lose to this unfair and unjust world. N记 invites readers to share their stories with this special year, and to organize and store them, hoping that they will not be covered in dust and abandoned.

What do you want to share with N?

This year, I went through the epidemic with the person I thought I loved, but in the end we separated because of betrayal. I believe that feelings will be forgotten, but there are always some things that should not be forgotten. Because the industry I am in involves public places, I have basically been closed for a year. I remember the feeling of being too hot to breathe wearing a mask in the summer, and I also remember the feeling of my breath inside the cold mask yesterday. Some things cannot be thought about. Will the mask be taken off one day? Will the truth about the source of the virus be announced? Are the dead resting in peace? Are pangolins and bats safe? I don’t have children, but two good friends gave birth to children this year. The world they came into is 2020, the first year when everyone wears a mask on their face, and we may never know why we look like this! - Hush

Too many things happened this year, whether it was related to me or not. Under the epidemic, the initial despair and reflection on the system turned into blind praises. Who remembers that the time of Li Wenliang's death was repeatedly tampered with? Who remembers that Ma Baoguo has not had any problems until now? Who remembers the cause of this incident? Who remembers that there were an average of two strikes a day in the second half of this year? Too many to count were selectively ignored, and everything turned into the correct collective memory. Today we fight Taiwan, tomorrow we fight the United States, but after a week, nothing happened, and everyone forgot until the next incitement came. ——Ordinary people +

 Nicolas Jaar’s 2016 electronic music album Sirens contains a line in the song No, “Ya dijimos no, pero el si esta en todo” (We’ve said no, but yes is in everything), which is set against the backdrop of the 1988 Chilean referendum, in which about 56% of the votes were against Augusto Pinochet’s re-election for eight years until 1997, marking the end of military rule and the beginning of Chile’s democratic transition. Even so, the remnants of authoritarian rule are still reflected in various forms in every aspect of Chilean life. The fall of the iron wall has not yet become a reality, and hoping that a public crisis will change the public’s perception of the regime will inevitably lead to disappointment. From another perspective, this year has sown the seeds of doubt about the legitimacy of the regime in the hearts of many people. Perhaps due to many practical factors, they choose not to express their attitudes, but change comes from daily life, which can be considered a kind of hope.

In 2020, the COVID-19 pandemic ravaged the world. As a whistleblower, Li Wenliang did not sacrifice his life on the front line of the fight against the pandemic, but died in police handcuffs. How we distinguish the authenticity of news has once again become the focus. Key information has been forcibly muted by government agencies. Positive energy is overwhelming, and people are suffering, but we have received very little news. News censorship is becoming stricter year by year. Is the future only about "learning to strengthen the country"? —— Qu

This year can be said to be the first time I really climbed over the Great Firewall. Before, I just used the few minutes given to me to read the news on N. Then I saw more news and books about land reform, cultural revolution, 1989, family planning, AIDS, and epidemics. I also learned more about the outside world through this. - Equation

 The compression of speech and media space is indeed suffocating. As small individuals, all we can do is not lose our curiosity and empathy for the truth and facts, this land, its people and things, and face the pain and discomfort brought by social injustice. Although this seems like a kind of asceticism, learning how to coexist with these emotions may help us better appreciate the reality and absurdity of life.

This is a special year, and a year in which we cannot ignore suffering. I cried myself to sleep for several nights during the Spring Festival because I saw the suffering in the epidemic area, and donated all my New Year's money. Until now, I can no longer pretend that I have not seen all that. I have implanted the "correct" collective memory, started to sing praises, started to be complacent about the blood of other parts of the world, and started to lose the basic conscience as a human being. Don't go gently to that good night, don't fall numbly into the abyss. The iron fist did not hit me, but it silently affected everything bit by bit. I struggled in an unshakable system, trying my best to keep my enthusiasm and motivation, wanting to learn, wanting to do something meaningful. I am worried about being crushed by political depression, but people will turn their anger outward. I hope we have such power. As long as we are alive, it is a victory. The darker the place, the brighter the stars will be. Let us encourage each other and hope we can meet again in a place without darkness. - Purple Eagle

In 2020, with the COVID-19 pandemic, I traveled from south to north, from home to faraway places, visited dilapidated farmhouses in the reeds, sat in magnificent conference rooms, studied land deeds from the 1950s, and was submerged in contracts for billions of dollars in shadow banks. From the heights of the government to the depths of society, I always felt that I was detached, pursuing various feelings, pursuing pieces of society, trying to find clues from this unsolvable world, to make it a little better, to make it happier.

 Sometimes we are always immersed in grand narratives, actively or passively, and forget the power of individual narratives and emotions. It is those misunderstandings and injuries that make us become each other's oceans. We have been on the shore for too long and often forget the weather on which we depend for survival. Black joy is radical, and so are dissidents: whether it is sadness, depression, or relative stability and short-lived happiness, as long as it is not numbness or unconditional obedience that is tacitly set, it is a kind of resistance and impact on the system. All the grace and solemnity can be reproduced, and the feeling at this moment should not be forgotten.

In 2020, the day when Zhong Nanshan "announced" that the new coronavirus could be transmitted from person to person, I went to Hong Kong. I booked a youth hostel, and the bed next to me was with an Italian. I said, "I heard that there is a new virus coming, and many people on the street are wearing masks." The Italian took out a black cloth mask and said, "I bought one too." Two months later, the epidemic broke out in Italy. Although we only met once, I don't know if this Italian has returned home. I hope he is safe. It's a pity that I won't be able to travel for a long time in the future, let alone stay in a youth hostel. ——Starkey

I failed the postgraduate entrance exam again. I am really not good at taking exams and preparing for them. ——KR

 Maybe the future really won’t be too good, but don’t lose heart! We still have a lifetime to waste (wrong).

The society continues to be torn apart. In 2019, I expressed sympathy for Hong Kong people on Weibo in exchange for drinking tea. In 2020, I questioned the domestic COVID-19 vaccine on WeChat in exchange for reports from friends. How should I get along with those around me? - ？⾖🥔

I should be considered a person who has "awakened" a long time ago. I have also struggled before, but my arms cannot twist my thighs. I am not even as good as my little finger. Now when I hear things that are inconsistent with mainstream values, I am numb. Because I can't do anything, I will only suffer and eventually compromise with life. But I always understand these things in my heart. I will not be a slave to gain sweet benefits. If it is too dangerous to speak out, I will lie dormant and have hope. At the same time, I sincerely thank people like you for bringing a little light to this society. Thank you🙏 ——Shan

 The most troublesome thing for people is not life and death, but that everyone survives. What happens next? Being a member of a group is much more complicated than being yourself. But pure individuals, unassimilated diversity, and "overthinking" that is not trapped by the world, have truly existed. It seems to remind us to keep these coveted nutrients for ourselves, even if they have inevitably disappeared gradually, it doesn't matter. We are all small and insignificant, so say goodbye to the purity of the past, or occasionally hold it up and caress it, and life will be better.

In 2020, I was both lucky and unlucky. At the end of 2019, because of my mother's illness, because of reality, and because I was not firm enough, I gritted my teeth and left the public welfare industry that I once said I would devote my life to, and joined a software company. During the Chinese New Year, my mother started a chemotherapy period and occasionally needed to go to the hospital. The treatment effect was very good. Apart from that, I hardly went out. I stayed at home, played cards, and watched what happened in the outside world through my mobile phone. I would be depressed when I saw a lot of bad news, and I also felt isolated. After the official start of work, the company obtained a lot of projects because of the epidemic, and I also started to work overtime every day. Throughout March and April, there was almost no weekend without overtime. It seems that I am lucky. Except for the performances of my favorite foreign bands that were constantly postponed, I was not directly affected by the epidemic. I even got a lot of project subsidies and salary increases because of the epidemic. But at the end of 2020, my mother's condition continued to worsen. The thing I feared most could happen at any time. I could only struggle with myself and experience the pain of living alone. I was powerless to do anything about it. Looking back on everything that happened this year, the epidemic, Hong Kong, the US election... I felt like I was just a grain of sand in the vortex of the times, being torn and pulled violently, to witness and participate in it all. - A Soybean

 Putting aside the controversy surrounding it, Ai Weiwei exhibited an installation art called "Sunflower Seeds" in the Turbine Hall of the Tate Modern Museum in London in 2010. 100 million 150-ton porcelain melon seeds handmade by villagers in Jingdezhen covered the entire space with a thickness of 10 centimeters. Sunflowers and sunflower seeds have become a metaphor for the general public in China: we all look up at the red sun, and if you look closely, the patterns of each melon seed are different, but they will never bloom. But at the same time, no matter how oppressive the politics is or how difficult life is, sharing sunflower seeds provides people with a space for sharing, mutual assistance, and intimacy. Individuals themselves cannot bring about huge changes, but it seems that we have not experienced the power that connection can bring for too long. Save your strength and cheer together.

What are your expectations and suggestions for N记, and what you want to say to the editors:

It’s good enough to present the news objectively. It’s better to delete the content and watch it over the Internet than to simply pass it by. - Equation

It's really hard, but you guys are worthy of admiration for persisting until now. - A bean

Doing n things is a duty if you don't do it, and it's a favor if you do it. Everyone sees your efforts, and people with conscience will never criticize you for doing it well. I just suggest that you protect yourself and do it within your ability. Thank you, thank you very much! ——Shan

Thank you, I'm waiting for your message on weekday mornings. ——Turkish🥔

I hope everyone can write more good articles so that readers like me can learn to think independently and stay rational. Come on 😊 - Little cutie

Thank you for collecting and sharing information, thank you for your perseverance in overcoming numerous obstacles, and for your persistence in writing, quality and integrity in this video-based, short, flat and fast network environment.

Organize a complete timeline of this year's events, especially those related to the epidemic. ——Ordinary People+

 We have compiled a timeline of the COVID-19 pandemic and made it into picture cards for irregular release. The January picture cards have been published on the NGOCN website. Please check them out: https://ngocn2.org/article/2021-02-07-qu-nian-jinri/

I hope to join the team to break through the fortress of news - Mr. Qu

You are suffering and want to donate money or become a volunteer - shhh

I want to ask if there are any donation channels open? I want to give money to N. To the editors: Thank you very much. This era needs your voices to let people hear the hidden cries and see the covered pain. May we meet in the bright place in the end. - Purple Eagle

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