📝📝: You can feel death because you are alive

 I'm alive now, I'm alive so I can cry, laugh or be angry I'm free - Shuntaro Tanigawa <生きる>

That day, I came across the "Funeral Ceremony of Fish Island " at the admissions exhibition of the media practice center of the department. This is a personal work by Guo Tingxuan from the Japanese Department. During the audio and video creation of about two minutes, I was caught by the opening picture; a The white arowana that has turned its belly floats and sinks in the fish tank, and other fish are surrounded by this dead life, as if praying silently for this arowana through the power of the fish.

Compared with this picture of sadness and peace, this "unknown life, how to know death" work is very impressive:

It only takes a moment to feel death, but it takes countless moments to feel alive.

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Near-death experience in life

Based on this work, our conversation begins with "death". I asked Ting Xuan's impression of death; she methodically divides death into two levels, "physical death" and "spiritual death." Talking about physical death, Ting Xuan thought that he once fell down the stairs because he didn't eat breakfast, and fainted because of his unsteady center of gravity after getting up. She mentioned that there would be a moment before she passed out that she couldn't hear the sounds around her, and that was probably the closest she was physically to death.

"As for spiritual death..." Ting Xuan went on to say, "It should be my dog who passed away." About two years ago, Ting Xuan's dog was diagnosed with a tumor in his hind foot, and he could no longer walk in the later stage. Even when going to the toilet, Ting Xuan's mother needed assistance. A year later, on the day after Ting Xuan's birthday, her father sent her a message "I'll show you a photo, but you have to be calm." The photo attached to the message is of the family dog packed in a cardboard box. Inside, there is gold paper next to it. As soon as she saw the photo, she collapsed and cried in the dormitory on the spot.

At that time, my parents called me quickly, and I couldn't say anything at all after the call was connected. At that time, it was as if my heart had died... There was a kind of " want to catch but but Ca n't catch the feeling" , he's gone, and you can't touch him.

She said that the last time she met the family dog, his feet were already very uncomfortable; however, at that time, in order to catch the high-speed train, she did not say goodbye to him. At that time, Ting Xuan thought that it would be good to go back next time. However, the goodbye that was too late to say became the final sound in life. When I heard this sad experience, I further asked, "After the death of your dog, did the shock brought by it have any impact on death or life?" Ting Xuan recalled that she has been growing up. She will hear the news of the unexpected death of the people around her. When she arrives at the university, the relatives of her friends have passed away. Most of these friends are close friends with her, and sometimes their emotions will also bring Ting Xuan. The last time was the death of the family dog. Only then did she realize that even a small animal can hurt so much, let alone a human being. Even a classmate who is not familiar with him will feel reluctant to hear the sad news of his unfortunate death.

She mentioned a boy who used to be in the same class in high school. The class was full of joy, and many girls got along very well with him. After that, the boy was transferred to a more advanced class because of his better grades. However, the atmosphere in that class was relatively cold, and sometimes he was seen alone in the corridor. Later, Ting Xuan learned from the class director that the boy committed suicide due to depression, and she felt sad. Because everything was fine when he was in the same class as him in the first year of high school, "At that time, I wanted to say, if he hadn't transferred to that class, is it possible that this kind of thing would not have happened." She told me this reluctantly.

When our class guide recalled him, he mentioned that he once saw him sitting quietly on the stairs and basking in the sun. Our class guide walked over and asked him, "What are you doing?" He said, "No, I'm basking in the sun. The sun." Our class leader's impression of him was that of a very fresh, thoughtful boy. But I don't know why he got depression.

The other two experiences of death were of friends' relatives. One was a friend's younger brother who stole a bike ride in the middle of the night, and unfortunately fell to his death halfway; the other was a friend's bike that hit a truck on the provincial road and was rushed to the hospital for surgery but died after being rushed to the hospital. She said that the two have a very sad thing in common. When the child had an accident, their parents knew nothing about it. When the parents received the news, they were separated forever. As a listener, I seem to be pulled between two forces, one is the parents sleeping peacefully at home, and the other is the child who is on the edge of life; however, these two forces meet inadvertently. , the lost life left the living side with indelible scars in their hearts. However, when encountering the joys and sorrows of the world, can people get closer to and even understand death?

"I know it hurts, but I can't feel it closely; you know it hurts, but you can't feel the pain."

Ting Xuan described this contradictory feeling to me. "Understanding" the sadness of others can indeed resonate through the emotions flowing between the lines. As for "empathizing" with the sadness of others, it is a thorny problem that is beyond everyone's reach. She believes that each person's experience is unique and cannot be compared ; not everyone spends the same amount of time on family, friends, and pets, so it is difficult for others to experience the pain of an emotional object's departure.

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A silent funeral in a fish tank

Continuing the topic of the cycle of life and death, we talked about the creative concept of "Fun at Fish Island".

When I was working on this work, I wanted to show the flow of life and death. The fish in the film are both "born" and "dead" at the same time. I follow this very vague direction, but I know that I need to find living materials and dead things, and I only have these two directions.

Ting Xuan shared with me the source of his ideas before creation. One of the ideas is , "When you experience the passing of a life, you will also see the birth of a new life the next day." It means that life and death in this world are constantly reincarnated. . The second is, "Actually, the feeling that you will feel that you are about to die means that you are still alive, and you can feel this because you are alive ." These two very metaphysical thoughts, Upside down the worldly definitions of life and death. She mentioned that she once read "生きる" written by a Japanese poet Shuntaro Tanigawa when he was revising "Japanese Classics". The poem is a gentle reminder that death can be felt so easily, yet no one notices how they are alive, or that you are living now so you can feel these things .

With his own life experience and the broadening of <生きる>'s vision, Ting Xuan left a great shock in his heart when he accidentally caught a glimpse of the "Funeral Ceremony" in the fish tank at home.

The white dragon fish is the largest one in our fish tank. It has probably been raised for more than ten years. Later, he became ill and became less and less active. One afternoon my mother told me that he seemed to be a little better, and that he would move a little bit; however, that night I saw him turn his stomach directly. When I watched it, there were a lot of fish surrounding him. I was shocked after that. Even the fish's companions could know that his companion died. They usually don't swim together like this, until the fish turned over. During his belly, other fish have been swimming around him.

This reminds me of a natural phenomenon unique to the ocean - "whale fall". A friend once mentioned to me, "That is the most selfless tenderness left to the ocean as a whale." When the whale sank, there were thousands of schools of fish swimming around the whale. As mammals on this blue planet, whales only eat small fish, shrimp, and plankton to survive; however, at the moment of their death, they choose to dedicate their flesh to all things in the sea, just like chasing the sun. The dead Kuafu turned himself into an oasis to benefit lost travelers in the desert.

From this funeral in a fish tank, I feel like this is a metaphor from nature

The dragon fish that turned its belly is like a person who has just passed away, and the surrounding fish are like people who remember the individual.

There are many times when we feel left behind by the world, and even if we die, the people around us will not shed a single tear for it. However, the picture captured by "Fish Island Funeral" tells us from an opposite angle: there will still be a group of people in this world who are saddened by your departure . Death can be as heavy as a mountain or lighter than a feather. The important issue here is how we feel the weight of life between the light and the heavy . Life is neither a flick of a finger, nor a thousand miles between planets.

I think, just like Ting Xuan's life experience and the inspiration brought by "Fish Island Funeral":

Thank you for everything that nurtures our lives

Let us appreciate the preciousness of life