"Don't try hard."

Date: 2022.05.26

Location: Kaohsiung City

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"My goal for the rest of the year is not to work hard."

I said last week when I had a recent conversation with J.

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J is a very casual person. Most of the choices are only based on the current feeling. I used to think that I was also such a person, but it was not until the recent days that I was aimless after slowing down and felt anxious. The original has always been used to control life.

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"Zhihui is a very rational person."

Forget the first few friends who have said that to me, but I often don't think so when I hear it. Many of the decisions I made were based on my intuition at the moment, and after every impulse, there was a flash of regret. If I had such a thought, it should not be rational. It's just that when you think about whether you are a rational or emotional person, your heart is not really so clear, what kind of state is called "rational" and what is "emotional".

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Recently, I became obsessed with Netflix's "Paper House". The professor in the show used "perfect" to describe his plan in the first robbery, but he couldn't say the same in the second plan, because It is impossible to say that, so the process of implementation is constantly entangled.

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The professor is set to be an absolutely rational person in the play. In the first perfect robbery plan, most of the things that will happen are expected by the professor. While enjoying the protagonist playing the opposite villain, he suddenly feels " "Rationality" seems to be a kind of control, a kind of control over the future that the mind wants to fully grasp.

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"Full control" seems to be an expectation, and reason seems to be able to meet such expectations. While thinking about whether it is a rational person, I also question whether a life with "complete control" is what I want?

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"I know you've always been a far-sighted person, but we just want to see the present."

When I started my business last year, H often refuted my plan. Although I felt that my blueprint plan was reasonable and complete, and it was possible to implement it, this kind of sacrifice now requires a lot of sacrifices. not go down. I didn't understand H's rebuttal at the moment, but only now did I understand that I had always been accustomed to living in a life of complete control.

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When I was a child, I always reviewed before exams. I always planned my daily schedule, and made room for every possible mistake, so I was not late. Even if I have climbed a lot of mountains, I will still maintain it before I go up the mountain. The training and life after discharge from the army were actually planned long before graduation. There are inevitably errors in execution, but most of the results are still within the grasp of what I can accept. Maybe I am really a rational person.

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The stronger the idea of wanting a certain outcome to happen, the more sacrifices and efforts are required, but perhaps there is never an outcome that must happen in life. After suddenly understanding this, I made a decision to not work hard for the time being. It seems reasonable to think about it, after all, I have been working hard since elementary school. Counting from the age of 6, it has been 23 years. In terms of hard work, he should also be regarded as a senior. Maybe it is really time to change the runway.

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"Someday, things will go wrong. It could cost you your life or worse. When that day comes, you can't just think that you're going to be blamed for something out of your control. That's life. Enjoy it. , until the party is over."

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After I decided not to work hard, I especially liked this sentence when I watched "Paper House". I remembered that I couldn't answer the question that I was afraid of, and then I realized that I had always been afraid of "accidents". After I decided not to study hard this year, I hope I can no longer be afraid.